On Friday 32 Trumtember 2022 D.J. “The Donald” TXXXX (expletive deleted), henceforth referred to as FPOTUS FUBAR, has signed papers (many papers, the likes of which the world has never seen beforeTM) effectively annexing all fifty states of the former United States of America plus its territories (including Greenland, but not Puerto Rico) as now part of the Mar-a-Lagoon Federation.
In a biting statement on Tooth Social, FPOTUS FUBAR unequivocally hinted that the Mar-a-Lagoon Federation would be defended against all attackers by all means available, including explosive temper tantrums, f-bombs, name-calling, several metric tons of bullshit flung indiscriminately, the blowing up of municipal wastewater systems by flushing documents down the toilet, telling lies (the best lies, lies like the world has never heard beforeTM), and endless, tedious, enervating, pointless, ill-conceived, tedious, grinding, endless, er, tedious lawsuits, appeals, and outright refusals to cooperate with any agencies of the former failed republic, and especially Hillary Clinton’s evil sentient emails.
FPOTUS FUBAR additionally declared every day a national holiday celebrating the liberation of the former USAmerica through a national referendum which TXXXX (expletive deleted) won overwhelmingly by numbers that have never happened ever beforeTM. The results of the vote were 123.4% in support of the annexation. The only ballot choice was “TXXXX (expletive deleted) Won,” a move which saved $millions in unnecessary poll workers and vote-counters, money which has been safely invested with the Stop the Steal Foundation.
Nonetheless, many people are sayingTM that voter fraud was rampant, and re-counts and audits are expected to result in a final count of 150% in favor of TXXXX (expletive deleted).
FPOTUS FUBAR has issued his First Decree, to wit:
“Henceforth all our words are good words, the best words, the likes of which the world has never seen before and which have never before been heard in the history of the world for quardle er gack because what I just said.”
Critics were quick to declare it the death of language itself, and called it “First Decree Murder.”
Evening comedy shows have made fun of the whole thing, effectively relegating it to the irrelevant realm of “entertainment.”
World hunger has been declared “a hoax” because of the widespread availability of TXXXX (expletive deleted) Steaks which everyone will eat. The Putin military has been neutralized because of the availability of TXXXX (expletive deleted) Vodka. The crisis in education has been declared solved with the annexation of every school, college, and university into the TXXXX (expletive deleted) University empire and there is wonderful news for students: the entire burden of student loans (past, present and future), along with the total indebtedness of the TXXXX (expletive deleted) Organization (past, present, and future), have been consolidated and will be distributed fairly and equitably to every single person in the MAL Federation (regardless of age, race, sexual orientation, political persuasion, social status, or economic ability) through a program the likes of which no one has ever heard beforeTM. Everyone will pay exactly the same $12,750,295/month (except for those who wish to make an annual $1 million donation directly to the Stop the Steal Foundation). And, in an unprecedented act of generosity (like never before seenTM), all payments will be deferred until the day following each newborn’s one month birthday.
As proof of the TXXXX (expletive deleted) annexation of everything, the TXXXX (expletive deleted) watchers simply point to one glaring reality: even though FPOTUS FUBAR lost the 2020 election to Joe Biden, he has remained as obnoxiously and dangerously present in USAmerica’s cultural, political, and media consciousness as the day he recommended that people ingest isopropanol or bleach to cure Covid-19. His glib, false, and persistent declaration that he won, his easy and continuing manipulation of our court system, his unpunished criminal behavior, his continuing lies/endorsements of QAnon lies, and his veiled calls to mobilize violence are no different in kind from Putin’s declaratory annexation of Ukrainian territory. And his veiled threats of violence are as dangerous in their own way as Putin’s threats to use “any means necessary.”
The scary part is that TXXXX (expletive deleted) is just a symptom, the unavoidable and predictable creation of a system that has, whether by intent or by accident, reduced everything to a commodity with only monetary value to owners and shareholders. People, rain forests, wetlands, wildlife diversity, nutritious food, clean water and air, a climate that sustains life, public office, governments, courts, entire countries with coveted natural “resources,” all are nothing more than commodities with a dollar value to be exploited for profit. Money doesn’t talk, it screams, it controls, it condemns, it justifies, it evades, it exempts, it invades and annexes, it stands outside the law.
That is TXXXX (expletive deleted).
That is the system that produced TXXXX (expletive deleted).
That system is what will have to be changed, and radically, and now, or we will indeed be annexed by TXXXX (expletive deleted) or Putin or ConAgra or DuPont or Bayer or ExxonMobil or Mondelev or any of the other multinational corporations, hedge funds, the medical-industrial complex, and private equity companies that have far more real power to squeeze our lives than all the Putins and TXXXXs (expletive deleted) added together.
The system is working perfectly. It is delivering exactly the results it was designed to produce. If we want different results, if we don’t like the results we’re getting, we must re-design the system so it serves the natural world and all of the life on this planet. If we ignore systemic forces and keep finding scapegoats or saviors, we will continue to get the kind of nonsense I parodied above the fold.
For starters:
- Vote for candidates whose track record aligns them with the necessary systemic change that will move us to a) a future, b) a sustainable future, and c) a future of peace and plenty for all (corporations and private equity be damned).
- Identify how we, individually and collectively, are perpetuating the destructive systems and structures that have produced the
TXXXX’s (expletive deleted) of the world. The first step is awareness.
- Make the hard choices that disengage and disentangle us, individually and collectively, from the destructive systems and structures that keep giving us persons who get rewarded for their greed and mendacity. We have agency, we have choice. We can refuse to be co-opted or annexed.