Sometimes you just have to hold your nose and acknowledge a positive.
Well, it’s been a hell of a four years, hasn’t it?
Looking back at this quadrennial, I couldn’t be certain at all times that we were going to make it. I mean, I think we’re about one rain of frogs short of an apocalypse at this point, and since i live in California I’m not ruling out a last-minute earthquake or two.
That being said, there is one thing that I do have to give the rat-wanking world’s worst impersonation of The Annoying Orange a tiny smidgen of credit for.
Before saying anything positive about the anthropomorphic facsimile of a waterlogged Jack-o-lantern that was inexpertly carved by a three-year-old and left out where the neighborhood raccoons rejected it, it is important to follow the proper procedures both for your own and others’ safety. First, protective clothing:
Ah, here we are. I’m pretty sure we all have one of these available now, so please, be sure to don yours in your favorite color, as if you’re planning on going out to socialize casually:
Now that we have that out of the way and I’ve locked myself inside the lead-lined chamber we all keep beneath our hermetically-sealed sleeping cabinets, allow me to state that..
*deep breath*
He didn’t start any new foreign wars.
Don’t get me wrong, here. I’m pretty sure he TRIED. He tried damned hard in a couple cases. I mean, if it were up to him we’d all be living in Fallout 76 right now, only with fewer glitches and no Atomic Shop, which might actually be worth it, but I digress.
The fact of the matter is, despite his best efforts, this is the first Republican president we’ve had since Ford who didn’t successfully start a new foreign war. For that, I am willing to give him credit. About 1 Atom’s worth, in fact. 300 of those and you can buy the Light Wood Laminate texture for the floorboards of your makeshift base. I’m afraid crappy gilding on everything isn’t available. Even the post-apocalypse has SOME aesthetic standards.
