Dear Representative Louie "krabbie" Gohmert,
After a hard days work, I had a terrible grocery store experience. I was picking up my usual slab of ground beef when I saw the guy in front of me put some crab legs in his cart. I suddenly had a longing. A deep longing.
I followed this guy to the line in admiration. Who was this guy that he could buy sweet, sweet crab legs? Maybe he was in charge of my company, the one that is cutting my hours, so that I could not buy any more crab legs.
Maybe he was a banker, at the bank that I cannot put any savings in because they keep on putting service charges on me after putting my deposits in after my withdrawals. I saw those crab legs and wondered when am I going to be able to eat crab legs again. Nothing means more to me than being able to open up one of those sweet, delicious crab legs.
Then I reasoned that I was poor. It wasn't my place to eat crab legs like that fine gentleman in front of me. I just have to work harder, scrape by some more, because I am not one of the job-creators out there. I was just a mere worker. Eating ground beef was just my place in the divine order. If I wanted to have joys in life like the man with the crab legs, I would have to either sell my soul and sell toxic assets and get rich off that or the alternative, just hope that my employer gives me more hours so I can enjoy the things he does....even if for a brief moment.
I was in the checkout line and was beginning to accept where I was. At least I wasn't like those poor people on food stamps. It made me feel thankful, knowing that somewhere out there, someone was starving to death. The thought of thousands of children starving somewhere just made my ground beef taste a little sweeter. I felt "blessed", like I had a special place in the world, because I wasn't the guy who only ate a few times a week.
Then what did the bastard do in front of me. He pulled out an EBT card. I was floored. Now I felt like the low guy on the totem pole. The poor are actually fed, too?! Now I no longer felt exceptional.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/...
I am aware of the speech you gave on crab legs on the floor. It was courageous of you to cite the remarks of random passers by in your speech. While some rely on "facts" to make their policies, we both know that so-called facts are manufactured by people who make "observations". They then "record" their "findings" in "journals" in which people "read". That is not the truth that we know in our hearts, that food stamps recipients are overweight and, by that condition, don't need food in the future. We know that skinny people can become models and get paid lots of big bux, which they will then use to create jobs, since all rich people are job creators.
If you can't cut food stamps, at least put a TSA like line at the grocery store, so we can give all EBT card holders the "pat down" before they check out, to see if there is any fat down there they could use instead of food.
I want to feel exceptional again, Congressman. I want to feel like I'm one of the rich, too. Yet how can I feel this way, if the poor people around me are eating? Cut food stamps and make me feel like one of the Americans again.
Sincerely,
Mr. Crab Legs.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/...
