Forgive me. I don't blog. I don't even comment. I'm good at neither.
I only wanted to say that I am Elliot Rodger.
The following incidents occurred 33 years ago.
I was 17 and along with several high school pals (one female) spent an evening at a park. At some point we had her pinned against a tree groping her and opening her shirt. She began to cry, we regained our senses and all went home.
Not long after, and on at least three occasions, I beat up my girlfriend.
I am terribly sad for women.
#notallmen? Perhaps, but a whole helluva lot.
I am responsible for adding not one but two different women to those outrageous stats of women being sexually and physically abused.
And I don't even know why.
Am I crazy? Did I learn this? Am I an animal? I don't hate women, I love them, so...
15 years ago I sought out the girlfriend and made amends such as I could. Never found the high school "pal". And she was a pal. Long haunted that she remained our pal (it was never spoken of), I grieve that her haunting was the lesson she learned so young: have men pals but beware those times when they betray your friendship and assault you.
I have never engaged in that behavior again, but as #yesallwomen makes so abundantly clear, I, of all people, I, am nearly blind.
And so I continue to search my heart, my mind, my spirit, more now than ever.
But I will not be absolved, not by anyone. Not at least until I understand how I relate to even the tiniest part of that sad murderer.
Until then, I am Elliot Rodger.
