Ok, you probably now roll your eyes when I email a response to you about Trump and how this traitor is screwing the country. And I confess having way too many facts for the typical Trump supporter. So I decided to make it easier and quicker, I will provide my emails today with all your typical responses, so you don’t have to lift a finger to reply. And that saves both of us time. It is based on what I hear day in and day out from Trump supporters, so it is a generic transcript that applies to all of you and what your typical answers are. Here goes:
Me: so, Here it is, Saturday. 55 African countries now demand an apology for Trump calling their countries “Shitholes”, our Panamanian Ambassador just quit in protest, and our ambassadors across the world are being summoned to explain his remarks. Our global prestige and image are plummeting by the day, international tourism is way down, and our allies are abandoning our leadership. Trump isn’t even welcome in England anymore for the Royal Wedding!
Trump Supporter (TS): You liberals don’t get it. Trump always puts America First!!
ME: “America first” is fine. America completely isolated is not. How does calling Haiti and the African countries “shitholes” help international relations?
TS: Use your common sense - If they weren’t shitholes, their citizens wouldn’t want to leave, would they?
ME: Wait a minute – you are not a native American. Your ancestors came over to the US themselves. So, does that mean that the European country they left was also a “shithole”?
TS: No, shithole countries only have black, yellow or brown colored people. Take Norway, for example. The citizens are OK because they are white.
ME: That sounds so racist!
TS: stop calling me racist just because I support the master race. I am so tired of you liberal moron retards calling us insulting names like that. How dare you atheists interfere with God’s master plan?
ME: Ok. Speaking about Christian values, what about the story that just broke about the payoff by Trump’s lawyer to the hooker?
TS: I never heard of that – and I follow 10 Christian websites, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Info Wars, Breitbart, Drudge, and Fox news just to get a balanced view of what is happening! And that never happened. And by the way, I just read on one of my favorite websites that Hillary Clinton was involved in the Kennedy assassination, and the FBI covered it up. Did you know that? I bet you didn’t read about it at CNN or MSNBC! Why don’t we appoint a special counsel from the FBI to investigate that? Because she has infiltrated the FBI, that is why! Can’t you see what is happening? She is everywhere!
ME: that’s ridiculous! When Kennedy was assassinated, she was a high school sophomore in Park Ridge Ill. Come on - even you can’t believe that.
TS: It’s true because they wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t. She is that evil. She is still walking around as a free person! She should have been executed just for the email server in her house! I read on one of my websites that she is the evilest and corrupt person to ever walk on this planet. Remember, if I believe it, then it is not a lie!
ME: not again! You just can’t get over her, can you? You keep saying that she was a risk to our national security with a server in her house. Jared Kushner wanted to put a private server in the Russian Embassy! Why aren’t you upset about that?
TS: Pure genius!!! Jared knew the Russians might hack into a government server, so he wanted to put a server in the Russian embassy. They would never hack into it there! I wonder when you liberals will leave that little bubble you are in and realize how smart the entire Trump family is. Why do you think I follow so many Conservative Christian websites? So unlike you liberals, I get a balanced view, that’s why!
ME: I never thought about that! The Russians would never hack a server in the Russian embassy. Why would they? But what about that hooker getting paid off?
TS: Fake news! Fake news!! Trump should take out every reporter from the Washington Post, New York Times, CNN and MSNBC and arrest or shoot them. Punish anyone who criticizes our dear leader – I mean, our President. Make America Great Again!
ME: But one of our most cherished constitutional rights is the freedom of the press!
TS: and they should be free - Free to only compliment, support, and praise our dear leader. I mean, our beloved president. U-S-A, U-S-A!
ME: But what about paying off that hooker? She is a porn star who is only 2 years older than his daughter Ivanka. And he was married to Melania at the time. If “nothing happened” why was she paid 130 thousand dollars and forced to sign a non-disclosure agreement? I thought Evangelical Christians like you believe moral character and Christian values are important. And didn’t Clinton get impeached for just getting a blowjob?
TS: Fake News! Fake News! I don’t ever pay attention to any of those lies on the liberal media like CNN. Why we don’t just take them off the air is beyond me, it is Un-American to keep CNN on the air.
ME: wait a minute – that report about the hooker was printed in the Wall Street Journal. You know, Rupert Murdoch’s flagship media publication. Murdoch - the owner of Fox News? The company that produces your favorite show, Fox and Friends?
TS: what?
ME: that’s right. The Wall Street Journal reported that Michael Cohn, Trump’s personal lawyer and “fix-it man”, paid Stormy Daniels, a porn star $130,000 and had her sign a ”no disclosure agreement” to keep her quiet. The Wall Street Journal found the receipt, the check, and even witnesses to back up the story. What do you think about that?
TS: Hillary Clinton must have infiltrated the Wall Street Journal! She is everywhere! First the FBI, now the Wall Street Journal! What more proof do you need?
ME: Back to Hillary! Why don’t we build Trump’s wall with Hillary’s emails? It seems no one can get over that! But seriously, why isn’t Donald Trump at least censured by Congress? And don’t forget, that at least 18 women have come forth and said they were assaulted by Donald. And what about that “grab them by the pussy” audio tape?
TS: Look, I just read on one of my Conservative Christian websites that God has forgiven Donald for all his transgressions – past and even future. And I know that none of this - if true - is Donald’s fault! In fact, I learned that God apologized to Donald for making him so irresistible to women. And Donald forgave Him! That is the type of person he is! Why don’t you read about that at CNN? See how biased they are? What will it take for you to see how easily you are played by the lamestream media?
JC: OK, always interesting to get the real truth. I’ll call the next time Trump embarrasses himself, disgraces the country or gets indicted. Probably tomorrow!
