Candy-coated comebacks are so delightful!
While all of us celebrated — with relief — the stunning performance of HRC Monday, September 26, I learned something today that made me respect just how focused she can be. That day was the 2nd birthday of her first grandchild, Chelsea’s daughter Charlotte. It must have pained Hillary to be on stage when she’d much rather possibly had preferred to be hanging with her grand daughter celebrating her birthday. As a dad of 4 kids, the thought of not celebrating with them stings. She did not let that distract her, perhaps because she knows the prospect of a Trump presidency is so atrocious to the future, to her future, to my kids’ future. In that vein, Hillary delivered Charlotte the best present ever, a stomping so complete if comes close to icing the election, as I convinced the it will be proven to have swayed a fair and statistically-significant measure of undecided voters.
Indeed, it’s for me too as a parent that the thought that dragged me into support of Hillary this season was an imagining of the damage four years under Trump could do. Since that decision, I’ve been deeply impressed by the way she’s conducted herself in the general election campaign. She has been stellar in my view. So, to the extent I’ve anything to offer, and in honor of baby Charlotte, I thought I’d craft some plausible comebacks I think can be historically memorable, and that can help crush the craven Orange Crush.
In debates, whether it’s Lloyd Benson’s, “...you’re no Jack Kennedy” or Reagan’s “...youth and inexperience...” comebacks, history remembers a good zinger, and there’s evidence the best ones move the polls. So here are a few Hillary can have courtesy of a 50+ year old, white male, veteran, senior executive without a college degree (supposedly the kind of person who supports Trump) who is eager to see HRC body slam this affront to the body politic.
1. If her dares to go there re Bill’s infidelity:
“Maybe we should not pay much heed to the moral advice of a man with overlapping relationships with his 3 wives and who jokes about sleeping with his daughter.”
2. At any point he tries to discuss foreign policy:
“Did you come up with that on your own, or after your advisors met with Putin’s cabal, or was it after a consultation with Sean Hannity?
3. If he again has a sniffing issue:
“I’m more than happy pausing if Donald needs another blow, I mean, needs to blow his nose.”
4. When the Supreme Court gets brought up, or any justice issue:
“You know, I’m only a Yale-trained attorney, but given Donald has been a party to over 3,500 law suits, most about cheating small business owners and school girls signing patriotic songs, Donald does have extensive legal experience.”
5. At some point when the military is discussed:
“Donald, are you drawing on your deep experience as 9th grader in a military boarding school or your huuge success hiding from serving our nation during Vietnam with 5 draft deferments?”
6. If ever anything to do with intellectual property comes up (can be slid in during a TPP question):
“Intellectual property rights are a cornerstone of innovation and they should be vigorously protected. In fact, I heard the Trump campaign was thinking about bringing a trademark infringement suit against the Russian internet trolls who it was discovered originated the Twitter hashtag #trumpwon after our first debate.”
7. On the subject of jobs:
“According to the Small Business Administration 64 percent of net new private-sector jobs, 49.2 percent of private-sector employment, so we must do everything we can to minimize onerous regulation and keep them from being bullied by big business. When a small business contracts with a big business, that contract needs to be honored, with the small family business owner being fully paid for his hard work and creativity, not made victim by the big business’s army of lawyers who use the Courts to cheat them, don’t you agree Donald?”
8. On women:
“Real men of honor and dignity respect women. Over the course of this campaign, from Megan Kelly, to Rosie O’Donnell, to Alicia Machado, to Carly Fiorina, to Ghazala Khan, all we’ve seen from Donald is abuse and insult. In fact, the only ‘honor’ Trump offers to women is ‘on her knees.’”
9. On family:
“It’s funny, our first debate happened to fall on my grand daughter Charlotte’s 2nd birthday, so though I’d never forget her birthday, now it has additional special meaning for me. ...Donald, when are your kids’ birthdays?”
10. On climate change after Trump denies it:
“The science is clear. The concensus is total. Climate change is real and it is the global challenge that touches every other problem facing mankind. That’s why denial is so dangerous. Maybe when the tide threatens Donald’s Largo Mar estate during his next campaign event where he uses donor money to pay his bills, maybe he find the attention span to read the science.”
Go get him Hillary, and Happy Birthday Charlotte! This former Bernie supporter is now #ImwithHillary.
