Those monsters don't scare me so much.
Our oldest child, who has yet to acquire a truly permanent address, still gets some mail addressed to our house in Nassau Country, New York. Much of it is bulk-mail sent from old mailing lists. We put the letters in a pile and bring them when we visit.
Our child has strong Democratic bona fides, having been a registered Democrat since high school and having worked for a number of Democratic campaigns during and after college. Therefore, this particular piece of junk mail delivered today merited special attention, because the return address read “U.S. Senator Ted Cruz. Personal Business. Not Printed or Mailed at Taxpayer Expense.”
Ted Cruz—the man with the fearsome ground game and data mining operation that DESTROYED that loser Pepe LeTrump in Iowa? The most hated—and feared—Republican monster of 2016? THAT Ted Cruz?
“Dear Fellow Conservative...”
“The voting is now underway as Republicans...choose our nominee against Hillary Clinton...And the Washington Republicans—with their well-funded Super-PACs—are unloading huge sums of money trying to defeat me and keep our conservative principles out of the White House….
“If there was one time for you to stand up against the Washington elites, now is the time...
“...in just a couple of months, this will all be settled! The GOP nomination will be decided.
“Who will it be? Someone who does not share your conservative values? Someone who is more ‘moderate’ in the mold of Mitt Romney or John McCain? It does not have to be that way!”
By this time, I am laughing out loud, and not just because of the mismatch between sender and recipient. No, I am thrilling to the fearmongering: “it is do or die time”; name-dropping bogeymen, including Clinton, Romney, and McCain, as well as Chuck Schumer (a “New York values” guy) and Marco Rubio for proposing “amnesty”; ObamaCare; illegal aliens; violating individual rights.
Then there are the promises much beloved by true believers: “not cave in to them [liberals];” “abolish the IRS”; “remove oppressive federal policies.” And—good lord—even “job-creators”!
And the big finish: “Let’s take back our Party and take back the White House.”
The first thought that jumped into my mind at this point was how similar this letter is to many of the scare-raising emails I get from Democrats whom I support. Change the issues, switch the bogeymen, and its a Democratic mailer. That was depressing, because it reminded me of my dislike for these emails that crowd into my in-box each day and especially at the end of each fundraising period.
However, the next thought that arrived made me feel better. If this is what hairy, scary Teddy is blasting out indiscriminately to the world, perhaps his potential supporters feel the same way about his fundraising as I do about the Dems’ fundraising. I bet they’re just as tired of this condescending, intelligence-insulting tripe as I am!
And then I thought, “If this is the quality of Cruz’s messaging and big data team, we’re in better position than the nattering nabobs know,” because the boatload of fail in this plea for money shows that Cruz’s campaign is made up of regular human beings:
- It was sent to the wrong person. (Faulty mailing list)
- It purported to contain money—and didn’t. The outside of the envelope said “Check Enclosed”—a facsimile check indicating a matching contribution. (Bait and switch)
- It is boring, standard content. (Not audience-centered)
- It divides members of its own party. (Disloyal)
We can exploit their mistakes, and their hubris, and their fake godliness. And we can bring home the goods in November!
Wow! It’s gonna be a good day after all.
Cheers!
