The other day Fox News posted a video of Rudy Guiliani talking about Black Lives Matter. Mr. Guiliani thinks it’s a racist movement and lamented on what would happen if he organized a White Lives Matter movement. My first thought was how ridiculous that statement was and how he’s missing the point. I began reading the comments under the video. To say I was stunned is an understatement. I was shocked at what some of the commenters were writing.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t expect everyone to agree with my opinions or thoughts. However, some things I think are just common sense and I’m realizing there are a lot of people that lack that. Not only do they lack common sense, they also lack an understanding of what’s happening – what’s been happening – across this country.
Being the outspoken person I tend to be at times, I posted my thoughts:
“The problem with a lot of people posting here is a lack of understanding. We don't need a White Lives Matter because whites aren't profiled. Whites don't worry about getting pulled over for looking suspicious bc of our skin color. We don't worry about our kids walking down the street and getting stopped or harassed or worse. We don't understand the prejudice they deal with on a daily basis. BLM is speaking up because they are tired of the prejudice and the stereotype. They aren't saying only their lives matter, they are saying they matter just as much and it's time we listen instead of "firing back". Firing back and starting a White Lives Matter would only serve to prove their point -- you're not listening or paying attention to what's really going on.”
When I say people aren’t paying attention to what’s really going on, I’m not talking only about black people who have been harassed by the police. That’s the obvious subject to point to because of the recent shootings but it’s not the problem. It’s a symbol of the problem. Yes, white people can quote as many statistics as they want to about how many white people get shot by cops vs. how many black, how many black people did this or that vs. how many white and so on, and so on, and so on. So, let me say this again: the white cop vs. black person is a symbol of the problem. It is not the problem.
So, what is the problem? In my humble opinion, it's in the first sentence of my post: a lack of understanding. It’s a lack of understanding the other side. It’s white people’s lack of understanding the prejudice black people deal with every day. It’s everyone’s lack of understanding what law enforcement deals with every day, how situations unfold in 10 to 15 seconds and they have a split second to make a decision. It’s black people’s lack of understanding why white people struggle to “get it”. This lack of understanding breeds misunderstanding, it fuels prejudice and fosters hate which result in a lot of anger and violence.
I firmly believe that the key to resolving most conflicts is to simply understand where the other side is coming from, what they live with and deal with and most importantly, how their thoughts and attitudes were shaped and influenced.
The response to my above post was not only disheartening but frightening. They only served to prove further how black people need an organized group to get their voices heard. Why? Because a lot of white Americans aren’t listening. They’re willfully turning a blind eye to it.
I had believed there were more people out there like me, people willing to acknowledge that we don’t have a clue what it’s like to be a black person living in America today. I was saddened and ashamed, actually, that the vast majority of white people who responded to my post were willfully denying that black people have an extremely valid point here. As I continue this, please keep in mind I’m not talking about the recent shootings or police harassment. I’m talking about the root issue: prejudice based on race.
Here are some of the responses I received:
“Ur an idiot.” (That gem was repeated several times, in various forms, with and without expletives, without explanation.)
“Your statement is inaccurate. I am as white as it gets and had 2 incidents with over zealous cops. The difference is, I kept my mouth shut, swallowed my pride and moved on with my life.” (Yeah, because two whole incidents is equivalent to a lifetime of prejudice.)
“It's ignorant people like you that causes and fuels all of this hate and all of these problems... I feel bad for you I really do. Your vision of the world is so small and sad. I guess that's how it is when your a bigot.” (This one is my personal favorite.)
“you've apparently have never been out in the poor Appalachian communities before, there are millions of people who are harassed and stereotyped everyday, it just doesn't make the media, please educate yourself” (I love people who make themselves feel superior by saying “educate yourself”. I bet this person patted themselves on the back after posting this.)
“We are not saying to start white lives matter. We are saying the profiling is because they are at the top of the crime charts and murder statistics every year with even a smaller population. People need to take responsibility for there actions and should be working on there own people and cleaning up there communities instead of starting hate organizations. If black lives matter so much they should be telling that to the hundreds of black on black murders weekly. Of coarse not because they aren't worried about black lives they rather be worried about calling whites racist. News flash nine of these people have experienced slavery either have us whites. It was along time ago and there isn't any excuse for not prospering together in the present day.” (Slavery? They had the audacity to go there? Oh, no, they didn’t! Sadly, oh, yes, they did. You can insert your own comments on that because mine would be filled with expletives. But, hey, at least they spelled slavery right and apparently nine of "these people" have actually experienced it. Where? In "there" communities with "there" own people? And I'm the racist one that needs to educate myself?)
“What a load of crap! Everyone is profiled for any number of reasons! Age, gender, hair style, clothing, type of car, etc... Get over yourself!” (Another one of my favorites because, yes, hairstyles, clothes, car . . . all those things that you can change is exactly the same! I wonder if this person tried taking off their skin because, apparently, that's just as easy to do as changing your clothes.)
“you are a racist idiot. I am educated. How about you working with the police departments about their concerns. How about you becoming a reserve officer so that you can see that there is very little racism because we do(n’t) allow it. You need to educate yourself.” (Again with the educate myself. BTW, I doubt this person was in law enforcement based on several of his other posts. I called him out on it and he went away. Imagine that.)
“More whites are killed by police than Blacks....” (And pointing that out made racism go away how?)
“Fact: Black People commit a grossly disproportionate amount of crime. Data from the FBI shows that Nationwide, Blacks committed 5,173 homicides in 2014, whites committed 4,367. Chicago’s death toll is almost equal to that of both wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, combined. Chicago’s death toll from 2001–November, 26 2015 stands at 7,401. The combined total deaths during Operation Iraqi Freedom (2003-2015: 4,815) and Operation Enduring Freedom/Afghanistan (2001-2015: 3,506), total 8,321. Complaint: Blacks are the only ones getting killed by police, or they are killed more. Fact: As of July 2016, the breakdown of the number of US Citizens killed by Police this year is, 238 White people killed, 123 Black people killed, 79 Hispanics, 69 other/or unknown race. Fact: Black people kill more other blacks than Police do, and there are only protest and outrage when a cop kills a black man. University of Toledo criminologist Dr. Richard R. Johnson examined the latest crime data from the FBI’s Supplementary Homicide Reports and Centers for Disease Control and found that an average of 4,472 black men were killed by other black men annually between Jan. 1, 2009, and Dec. 31, 2012. Professor Johnson’s research further concluded that 112 black men died from both justified and unjustified police-involved killings annually during this same period.” (Oh, look! Pointing out all these facts and figures, they just made racism disappear! Yup, there it went – out the window. It no longer exists. This is where I insert the eye roll. Does this guy know that the vast, vast majority of mass shootings in America were done by angry white guys? So, I guess we can lump every white guy in America into the “angry white mass shooter” category now, right?)
“Black lives matter is a farce it is just a tool for Obama's agenda” (I was waiting for this because we all know that EVERYTHING is Obama’s fault and EVERYTHING goes toward his evil agenda. Hmmm. It’s been 7 years. I’m still waiting for that evil-agenda, Sharia-law thing to happen. I mean, really, the guy’s had 7 years to prove these conspiracy-loving idiots right and he hasn’t done it yet. What’s taking him so long? Oh, wait . . . . . could it be because there is no evil agenda?? GASP!)
“A black security guard asked me to take my dark sunglasses off in the Mall because I wasn't allowed to wear them in the Mall. I did it but I never heard of such a thing. Was I being racially profiled because my skin color is white?” (Seriously? No, really . . . SERIOUSLY?)
“I didn't know you were black. You look mighty pasty white to me. That's a bunch of bullocks! We all get profiled and some of us do get pulled over for random silly things, but it is what it is, but you still supposed to be respectful to police, no matter what color a person is. Maybe if these black people stop acting like thugs then maybe they wouldn't be profiled as much. If you act like a stupid fool you're going to get the cops called on your butt. I get so tired of all this racial whining. All it does is make you look like a freaking pansy and then no one wants to talk to you because ppl know you'll get offended of everything. Life isn't fair. Get over it” (Too much to say about this one. This one made me angry on several levels. The only thing credible in this post is to be respectful to the police. The rest of it? To this person I say – Hey asshat, you will now be judged by every single white person who commits a crime. I will now put you in the same category as Charles Manson, Ted Bundy, Adam Lanza, etc, etc, etc because they were white and they were killers and you’re white so you must be prone to that, too. Maybe we should put surveillance on you because you're white and we just don't know who the next white mass shooter will be. Don’t like that? That piss you off? Don’t want to be judged by the actions of a small part of your race? Well, how does it feel because that’s exactly what you did! You lumped millions of people into one narrow category based on a stereotype. That’s wasn’t racist at all, was it?)
“Depends on where you live I've been profiled pulled over because I'm a white guy that lived in the hood. But guess what I completely complied with the cops and went about my day. So your argument is wrong” (Of course, I’m wrong because, again, getting pulled over a couple of times totally equals a lifetime of prejudice, right?)
And so they went . . . on and on. I was called idiot, racist, ignorant, moron, jerk and more colorful things I’ll leave off here. I wasn’t going to respond at first because it angered me and more than that, it truly saddened me to see how many people didn’t understand what I was trying to say and didn’t want to understand. So many posted stories of how they were harassed here or there, stories of the hardships they deal with every day, stories of low-income, poor sections of the country where white people have it bad. Finally, the anger took over and . . . .
“Kiss my ass if all you're going to do is name call. A lot of angry white people on here going on and on about your own sob story and tales of woe as if that justifies prejudice. If you don't care about what's going on with them then why should anyone give a rats ass about your sob story? Only yours matters? Everyone should shut up and sit down because you've dealt with blah, blah, blah (insert your tale of woe here). Everyone else is just whining because YOU had blah, blah happen to you. What kind of bs is that? You say black people are whining? You guys are the ones that sound like whiners. You can't be bothered with the race issue because YOU deal with blah, blah. So if it's not happening to you, it doesn't matter, right? Cuz that's pretty much what you're all saying. Oh and for all you people who called me idiot, ignorant, etc, for expressing an opinion - grow the f up. Disagreeing is one thing, calling names is what you do in middle school.”
“Blah, blah, blah. Still hearing a bunch of personal sob stories that you're all using to justify your belief they should shut up and sit down because you had to deal with blah, blah. It's easier to make them the whiners and the bad guys than it is to look in a mirror and realize, yeah, you do have racist tendencies. All of you pulling out your stories of this, that and the other thing - what you're really saying is you don't want to hear about the prejudice they deal with because you got pulled over once or twice or deal with blah, blah, blah, and you think that’s somehow equal to what they go through. You can complain about your problems but God forbid they talk about theirs, right? Only yours matter because they happen to you so they should shut up, right? Yeah, that's not racist at all. You're all hateful and ignorant and want to label them and make them the bad guys so you don't have feel any guilt for being prejudice- so keep on pulling out your sob stories cuz, yeah, that's gonna solve the very real issue of racism. This is what you sound like: "Don't talk to me about pain because I stubbed my toe this morning so I know what pain is". Your posts only serve to prove their point - you want to turn a blind eye and blame them and you're using your woe is me stories to justify it.”
I haven’t gone back to that thread because I’m done with it. I’ve decided to use it for this blog and hopefully open some eyes.
I don’t claim to have the answers but I do think if everyone – white people, black people, law enforcement and everyone else – took time to try to understand the other side it would go a long way toward resolving much tension.
Most racism is learned. It doesn't come from experience but from being handed down generation to generation. A lot of people have a distaste for the other race simply because they were told they should. They were told they should fear them for a variety of reasons. They were told it's acceptable to not like them because they don't like you, either, and, of course, the media plays a large part in perpetuating this fear they've been told about. The media makes sure they show clips of the stereotypical racist black or white person. It becomes so easy, then, to accept what's been handed down as fact and fuels the fear and dislike.
I think what black people miss with white people is the fact that majority of us don't get it simply because we haven't experienced it. To be honest, using myself as an example of an average white person, I grew up in a predominately white area. It was all I knew. I never considered myself racist but taking a long, hard look at myself, yes, I did have subtle racist tendencies I wasn't even aware of. When you don't grow up with something and you don't experience it, it's very hard to comprehend it and, in some case, even acknowledge it exists. It's even harder to look at yourself and admit your thinking is all skewed and maybe you need to open your eyes and your mind. I'm not going to apologize for being white or for how I grew up. A black person shouldn't have to apologize for being black or for their background. After all, that part of it is completely beyond our control. All I'm saying here is that black people need to understand that a lot of white people don't even know they have racist tendencies and truly do consider themselves not racist. So, there needs to be understanding of why that is and more of an open dialogue so the message can come across without further fueling any negative stereotypes.
On the other side, I'm going to share a personal story. Years ago, I was sitting in the New York City Port Authority waiting for a bus. There were a couple of people sitting around me, including a black lady sitting not too far away. A black man came walking through and recognized her. Apparently, they hadn't seen each other in years. The lady asked the man what he'd been up to. He started talking about finishing college, where he got a job, where he was thinking about moving with his girlfriend, etc. It was a normal conversation you hear all the time. Except, it wasn't. While he was speaking, the woman kept making the "mmmmmm hmmmmmm" noise but not in the way you make it when you're showing that you're listening. She was making it in the way a parent does when they know their child is spouting something that is completely wrong. Her reply to him was short and it stunned me. She said, "Well, look at you. When did you go white?" Then she got up, mumbled she'd see him around and walked away.
Up until then, I heard black people use the term "going white" but I heard it in TV shows or in movies. It wasn't until that day that I realized they used it real life. That is something I will honestly admit I don't understand and probably never will. How can someone who went on to college to make a good life for himself be not only condemned for it but condemned for it by basically saying he betrayed his own race by doing so? You could hear the venom dripping from her words. After that, I heard similar things quite often, black people accused of "selling out" or "trying to be white", even Whitney Houston being told she wasn't "black enough" when she first became successful. This is something I need a black person to explain to me. Everyone wants to pursue the American Dream but it seemed like if a black person tried and succeeded, they were condemned by their race. Why? What does that mean? Does it mean in order to be "true to your race" you had to be poor and uneducated? You couldn't better yourself? Or am I falling into a stereotype there. I really do need that explained because it's still very confusing to me and does come across as racist.
The man apologized to me, which also stunned me because I didn't think I was the one she insulted. I told him not to worry about it because I wasn't offended, I was confused. He didn't say anything, he just nodded. I was curious, though, so I asked him how many times he heard that. He said he got that a lot. I said, "Then I'm the one that's sorry. You just keep following your dreams." He kind of chuckled and said thanks. Here's the other side of that incident which I didn't get back then but I do now. He chuckled because while he knew I was trying to be supportive, he also knew I didn't have a clue. He knew I didn't understand it was a whole lot easier for me to follow my dreams than it would be for him because not only did he have to deal with prejudice but also had to deal with what white people call the "black culture".
Some things to ponder:
If you’re white: can you honestly, truly say any incident you’ve encountered in your life compares to a lifetime of prejudice? Have you ever been denied a service or turned away from renting an apartment because the owner didn’t want to deal with “someone like you” only because of the color of your skin? Have you ever moved into a neighborhood where you got second looks, your neighbors were suspicious of you and your kids were called slurs just because, and only because, of the color of your skin? If black people do unnerve you, what shaped that? What influenced that? The stereotypes portrayed in the media or an encounter with a black person? If it’s an encounter with a black person, do you judge the entire race on that encounter or do you acknowledge one person doesn’t represent the entire race? If it’s the media, do you realize you are discounting millions of good, hard-working black people based images from the media – images that are largely skewed toward continuing the racial tension?
If you’re black: can you understand that not all white people are racist? Not all white people are like the ones who responded to my post? When you look at a white person, what do you see? Another jerk you think is judging you who needs to go away? An asshole who has their “white privilege” and can kiss your ass? Or do you see another human being? Do you see someone who sees you as equal? Or do you automatically assume they don’t? Can you understand how a white person like myself struggles to understand what you deal with? Can you understand when white people hear phrases like "going white", "selling out" they will automatically assume you're racist and turn you off? Can you understand when you tell someone like me that I suffer from "white privilege" that it can be viewed as racist because how is it anyone's fault that they were born with the skin color they have and raised the way they were? Can you understand this "white privilege" you talk about is a double-edged sword and why it's a double-edged sword? Can you understand how the skewed media can influence how white people view a black community?
White or black: If you do have racist tendencies, why? Were you told to? Was it learned before you even went out into the world? Or was it from experience? Would you rather have a dialogue with each other or continue to form groups and movements? If the dialogue was about our lives, about what black people see and live with, what white people see and live with, what we’re all like as human beings, do you think we’d find out our differences are much less than the what we have in common?
Lastly, law enforcement. The one repeated thing to ensure the safety of everyone is compliance. I say this because I can understand the pressure law enforcement is under. As a woman stated the other day, “They are there to serve and protect. Not serve and die.” Life-threatening situations can unravel in the span of a few seconds and they have one split second to decide what to do. No matter what color you are, if a cop says stop, you stop. If a cop says on the ground, you get on the ground. If a cop says show me your hands, you show them your hands. If you didn’t do anything wrong and you comply with the cops, it’s done, it’s over, it doesn’t escalate to the point where someone might fire their gun. You run, you charge at them, you refuse to show them your hands, you start yelling obscenities at them, guess what? Those are all signs you’re guilty of something so don’t be surprised if you’re thrown to the ground or worse. Comply so they can go on with their jobs and you can go on with your life.
I'm one person. I can't speak for or change the entire white community just as a single black person can't speak for or change the entire black community. What I can do is say what I think and continue on my path to further understanding. I can change what I do and what I think and say and act. If every one tried that, if everyone took steps to understanding maybe change can truly happen. I'm going to get so very cliche and cheesy and quote the late, great Michael Jackson:
If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make that change.
So, these are just my thoughts. Did I miss any key issues? Am I missing something obvious? Any constructive feedback would be awesome but if you’re going to call me names then expect me to tell you to kiss my ass.
