You Don't Want To Know What We're Putting In Your Food!

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Thursday November 01, 2012 · 8:20 AM PDT

2012/11/01 · 08:20

"Caifornians should be able to know what's in their food, so they can make choices about what they eat!" This is the very simple premise behind Prop. 37, which would label foods that contain Genetically Modified Organisms - the same GMOs that we Billionaires for Biotech Bonanzas produce and manufacture! Early polls indicated that 85% of Californians favored this terrifying idea. We couldn't let California go the way of Europe, as well as Japan, India and China (some 50 countries in all) where labeling foods this way is the law of the land. And if such madness should pass in California, sooner or later people would get it into their heads that food labeling might be a good idea in other states as well! So we swung into action.

taztunes

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Thursday September 06, 2012 · 7:32 AM PDT

2012/09/06 · 07:32

Felonius Ax of the Billionaires here, reporting from Charlotte.

We are the smallest, most beleaguered minority in America today. When we squeeze the middle class and consolidate money upwards, all we’re doing is protecting our minority rights. But when we’re called on it, well, that’s class warfare, plain and simple. And that’s a lot of what they’re saying at the Democratic convention – trying to fan the flames of outrage because Mitt Romney’s plan for the economy would raise everyone else’s taxes by a few thousand dollars a year so we can get at least a quarter million dollar tax cut. Outrageous!

But as much as the Democrats are sending a Billionaire-unfriendly message these last 3 days, I have to admit, the last four years haven’t been a bad time to be a Billionaire.

taztunes

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Wednesday September 05, 2012 · 6:50 AM PDT

2012/09/05 · 06:50

Felonius Ax of the Billionaires here, reporting from Charlotte.

If you’re wondering why a small, hearty contingent of Billionaires has decamped in Charlotte for the Democratic Convention instead of sipping ginger ale at Mitt’s vacation home at Lake Winnipesaukee, let me assure you that we are Buy-Partisan! We buy Democrats as well as Republicans!

taztunes

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Tuesday September 04, 2012 · 7:19 AM PDT

2012/09/04 · 07:19

Felonius Ax of the Billionaires here, reporting from Charlotte.

We are the smallest, most beleaguered minority in America today, and here at the Democratic Convention, it feels like we’re even smaller and more beleaguered. All of us were out in force in Tampa last week, but there aren’t enough Billionaires in Charlotte to fill a clown limousine. It’s mostly our entertainment and media moguls who are here. But just like Mitt and all the other Republicans who were running, President Obama has a Super Pac, and I and those of my class can make humongous, unregulated donations to it, if only as an insurance policy, should the billion dollars we’re pumping into the Republican side of the equation this Fall somehow fail.

It’s too bad more of us aren’t here, because Charlotte is a wonderful place to be. Mainly because it’s smack dab in the middle of a Right-To-Work state. Workers in North Carolina can’t be forced to join unions, which means lower wages and wimpier benefits for them, and bigger profits for us. I am basking in schadenfreude as I watch hundreds of union members, the meat of the Democrats’ coalition, circulating through Charlotte with an air of unease while non-union workers clean their rooms and direct them around the convention hall.

taztunes

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Wednesday August 29, 2012 · 10:53 PM PDT

2012/08/29 · 22:53

Felonius Ax of the Billionaires here, reporting from Tampa:

I just got back to my suites at the Weston Tampa Harbor Island Hotel, where all the big Romney bundlers are crashing, from an afternoon of zany antics at the Americans For Prosperity do honoring David Koch and Art Pope for being the great entrepreneurs that they are. They took a page from the Paul Ryan tailgate party and also served brats and beer. I love it when we Billionaires serve poor people grub at our affairs. It really humanizes us with hoi polloi.

In response to Mr. Obama’s insistence that we “didn’t build that,” I have to say, “It’s true.” Y’all built it for us! That’s why you’re here. Your tax dollars build the infrastructure that permits our corporations to do business, your tax dollars filter upward into our pockets in the form of huge subsidies. We give you a raison d’etre. Otherwise your puny lives would be empty and pointless.

taztunes

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Tuesday August 28, 2012 · 11:01 PM PDT

2012/08/28 · 23:01

Felonius Ax of the Billionaires here, reporting from Tampa:

Today, all of our telecommunications companies brought Republican lawmakers and candidates to Tropicana Field for batting practice. Come January, these are the guys who are going to take a bat to Net Neutrality once in for all, so it’ll be a home run for us!

On this night when we focus our attention on Paul Ryan, we should take a moment to honor the great work of literature that is his main source of inspiration, Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged. In it, all the industrialists, the CEOs, the people who run America’s corporations, form our own little society in the mountains where the ultimate communication between two people is the exchange of money. And everyone else becomes completely paralyzed because there’s no one to tell them what to do. That’s exactly what would happen if we Billionaires took a powder. Your lives would become so empty and pointless.

taztunes

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Tuesday August 28, 2012 · 10:03 AM PDT

2012/08/28 · 10:03

Felonius Ax of the Billionaires here, reporting from Tampa:

The torrential rain is starting to let up a little, thanks to Hurricane Isaac heading to where hurricanes belong – the Louisiana coast, so I ventured out of our cozy suites at the Westin Tampa Harbor Island Hotel where all of us big bundlers have been hunkered down, to the Nuclear Energy Industry shindig with Trace Adkins headlining.

Thanks to some of our benjamins crossing the right palms, none of our electeds seem to remember that the Fukushima disaster was just last year. Nuclear reactor subsidies are one government program that even our most vociferous Tea-Party guys can get behind. And that means that we’ll be building more of them, and soon, and very likely, in your neighborhood. But don’t worry. Nuclear energy is completely safe. It’s like getting an X-ray. And what could possibly go wrong?

taztunes

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Monday August 27, 2012 · 10:00 AM PDT

2012/08/27 · 10:00

Felonius Ax of the Billionaires here, reporting from Tampa:

So they’re postponing the opening of the Republican Convention due to extreme weather. All of us big bundlers are hunkering down at the Weston Tampa Harbor Island Hotel. My security people tell me that some of those Occupy protestors have come out to try to vie for the attention of the media that we own. We’ll stay nice and dry while they get drenched, which seems to be an apt metaphor to how the economy has been of late! Adelson’s got the accommodations next to ours, and for a guy who has made his fortune in casinos, you’d think he’d be a little less grumpy about the stream of Tampa Bay’s famous strippers coming in and out of our suites.

taztunes

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Friday May 04, 2012 · 4:20 PM PDT

2012/05/04 · 16:20

Felonius Ax here reporting from the utterly exclusive world of the Billionaires:

We’re hearing a lot of exciting news about what a great job predator drones are doing in expanding even more our ever-expanding War On Terror. It’s our new “fight fire with fire” strategy: What could be more terrifying to a would-be terrorist than the far-off buzzing of one of our remote-controlled planes followed by the more immediate escalating roar as a Hellfire missile makes a beeline for his nether region?

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You Don't Want To Know What We're Putting In Your Food!

Dispatches from the DNC – Day 3 – A Good Time To Be A Billionaire

Billionaire Dispatches from the DNC – Day 2 – We’re Buy-Partisan

Billionaire Dispatches from the DNC – Day 1 - Welcome To Charlotte

Billionaire Dispatches from the RNC – Day 4

Billionaire Dispatches from the RNC – Day 3

Billionaire Dispatches from the Convention – Day 2

Billionaire Dispatches from the Convention – Day One

Bring On The Drones