I want to warn you from the outset that this will be a long diary touching on birth order, familial struggles, abortion rights, mental illness, gossip, and much more. So this is the appropriate time to "get off the ride". This would solely be for the people like me who come here many times a day and don't mind a long read.
More than anything I am looking for some support during a difficult time.
I am the second oldest pitch-black sheep of a family of six kids. Our father was ordained as a Christian Reformed minister, who went non-denominational after about ten years. I have always been and am starting to believe I always will be the outcast.
The current issue I am dealing with is this. How do you defend your beliefs, while being attacked, but not come off as the aggressor?
Incredibly long story short by way of filling you in-
I have never hid my beliefs, no matter how unpopular. As a result, both my immediate and extended family(all outspoken, affirmed Christians) know that I am pro-choice, pro-human rights, anti-"war", anti-"religious freedom", basically, I am an informed liberal.
As such, over the last few years I have been increasingly distant from my family, both extended and immediate.
Over the course of my life, being the outspoken liberal of the family, I have become the de facto "keeper of secrets".
All the pre-marital sex, all the abortions, all the drug use, it is mine to keep, while at the same time being honest about my own beliefs.
Recently my youngest sibling, my only sister, called me in tears saying that she had gotten pregnant and wanted to get an abortion and wanted to hear what I thought. Over the course of the next few weeks I urged her, due to her upbringing and surroundings, to have the baby and give it up for adoption, even though I'm pro-choice, I know if she is not ready to leave the church, and has an abortion, the rest of her life is hell. Labeled a murderer for life.
But, she did terminate the pregnancy. And then got married, to the guy that helped her to get said abortion. An avowed Christian who was staunchly pro-life, and who while professing daily on facebook his love and admiration for Jesus, very much did not oppose the abortion.
And time goes on, until I read on facebook that she has "liked" Paul Ryan, the Tea Party and Donald Trump. And so, thinking that no one in my family can read my facebook posts, as I have deleted all of them after I said "fuck" in a post to another adult, and was told by my family that they were worried for my children, because I said fuck, I said that I was losing respect for said sister due to her recent actions.
The resultant shit-storm from my family was apocalyptic to say the least.
I have been labeled a bad father.
A bad husband.
A drug addict.
Mentally ill.
A coward.
and all I want is to explain how my actions make me none of those things.
I will answer every question totally honestly.
All I want is some honest feedback on how to proceed without furthering the idea that people like myself are just arrogant assholes that can't listen to the other side. Please help in whatever way you can...
