Libertarians willing to overlook Trump’s authoritarian plans

Aldous J Pennyfarthing for Community Contributors Team

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Friday May 03, 2024 · 6:15 AM PDT

2024/05/03 · 06:15

Donald Trump, the Vladimir Putin and Viktor Orbán fanboy who thinks U.S. states should be free to monitor women’s pregnancies to keep them from seeking abortions, is preparing to woo the nation’s libertarians, a small cohort of the population that (supposedly) regards human freedom as the highest good of American life.

On Wednesday, Trump announced he would accept the Libertarian Party’s invitation to speak at its national convention in Washington, D.C., at the end of May.

“Libertarians are some of the most independent and thoughtful thinkers in our Country, and I am honored to join them in Washington, DC, later this month,” Trump said in a statement many saw as remarkable for its limited number of unnecessary capitalizations. “We must all work together to help advance freedom and liberty for every American, and a second Trump Administration will achieve that goal.”

Aldous J Pennyfarthing for Community Contributors Team

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Wednesday May 01, 2024 · 2:00 PM PDT

2024/05/01 · 14:00

Marjorie Taylor Greene is launching stink bombs in class again, and even her fellow MAGA ne’er-do-wells seem to be over it. The über-patriotic Flaxen Klaxon is determined to punish House Speaker Mike Johnson over his outrageous betrayal of Vladimir Putin, but folks on both sides of the aisle appear to finally be done with her shtick.

Greene is pledging to proceed next week with her motion to vacate the speaker’s chair, in part over Johnson’s decision to advance an aid package for Ukraine, a U.S. ally that was brutally invaded by Donald Trump’s favorite war criminal. But House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries has already indicated that House Democrats will save Johnson’s job, making Greene’s current posturing even more performative than usual.

Aldous J Pennyfarthing for Community Contributors Team

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Wednesday May 01, 2024 · 7:59 AM PDT

2024/05/01 · 07:59

The best way to interview Donald Trump is to … not interview him.

Unless you’re a particularly ardent supporter of vicious, kindergarten-level lies—such as “I won the election because I was ahead on election night” or “immigrants ate my health care plan”—there’s really no reason to listen to, much less solicit, any of his so-called opinions. But Time magazine did just that.

Since his latest fibs are just fragrant fish heads in a whopping seafood ‘n’ BS paella, it’s important to at least take a taste if we want a full picture of his depravity. Or a sniff. Or, if possible, a six-month-long nap until this is all over and Joe Biden is reelected.

Ah, but there’s no sleeping on Trump and his march to Putin-style autocracy, so we have to stay awake. And—hoo-boy—did he ever just give an eye-opening interview.

Aldous J Pennyfarthing for Community Contributors Team

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Sunday April 28, 2024 · 12:30 PM PDT

2024/04/28 · 12:30

Just two weeks after Donald Trump urged radical leftists to vote for Robert F. Kennedy Jr. this November—because “he’s got some nice things about him” and “I happen to like him”—he’s suddenly taking a different tack.

In the wake of new polling suggesting RFK Jr. would siphon more votes away from Trump than President Joe Biden, Trump is stablin’ and geniusin’ up a storm, taking to his perpetual prevarication platform Truth Social to knock the wind out of the independent candidate’s campaign. His latest tirade comes just days after Trump claimed RFK the Lesser could hurt both major party candidates but “he might hurt Biden a little bit more.”

On Friday night, as Trump dithered between wishing his wife a happy birthday or lauding South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem for her new and courageous puppy-murdering stance, he suddenly swung in an entirely different direction: claiming the guy he once praised as “very smart” and a “very good man” is actually a total disaster. And not because RFK Jr. would be forced to attend state dinners in a giant acrylic hamster ball to avoid infecting other world leaders with smallpox. No, it’s because Trump—and Republicans as a whole—are suddenly very nervous that Kennedy will loosen Trump’s once-reliable hold on the demon sperm vote.

Aldous J Pennyfarthing for Community Contributors Team

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Friday April 26, 2024 · 2:15 PM PDT

2024/04/26 · 14:15

If you’re a vice presidential hopeful trying to catch Donald Trump’s eye, there are worse ways to do it than bragging about killing your dog for doing ordinary dog things.

Kristi Noem, who’s best known as the COVID-loving governor of one of America’s top rectangular states, has added capricious dog killer to her résumé. And while in another place, time, or universe it might have seemed outlandish to suggest she’s mentioning her dog-murdering bona fides in order to woo notorious dog-hater Trump, in this political climate, that theory seriously has to be considered.

In a new book to be released next month and shared with The Guardian, Noem says she killed her “untrainable” 14-month-old hunting dog Cricket after it ate a local family’s chickens. Yes, she wrote this down—and actually tried to use it as an example of her surpassing grit, determination, and wisdom.

Aldous J Pennyfarthing for Community Contributors Team

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Thursday April 25, 2024 · 3:45 PM PDT

2024/04/25 · 15:45

Eric Hovde is a deeply patriotic Republican who desperately loves the U.S., and he’s running for Senate. How do we know he loves the U.S.? Because he’s a Californian running in Wisconsin, which means he loves the U.S. at least twice as much you unwashed single-staters. And he regularly flies over a big chunk of America when he’s not counting his money at his bank in Utah, so there’s that too.

He also likes to tell everyone how patriotic he is. In fact, he’s outraged—outraged!—that anyone would dare disparage the Pledge of Allegiance, whose recitation has long been a compulsory exercise for schoolchildren who don’t know what a republic is and dimly wonder why we should give two shits about an invisible one.

But Hovde, who’s running as a member of a party that pledges allegiance to an (alleged!) documents-stealing wad of id, is angry that anyone would ever sully these sacred stanzas, which as far as his MAGA-fried supporters know came down from Mount Sinai in the glove compartment of Moses’ Escalade.

Aldous J Pennyfarthing for Community Contributors Team

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Wednesday April 24, 2024 · 2:53 PM PDT

2024/04/24 · 14:53

Following Donald Trump’s example is typically a very bad idea. This is the same guy who stared at an eclipse, thought it might be a good idea to inject disinfectant, and insists on flushing toilets 10 to 15 times, even though the government recommends stolen top secret nuclear documents be flushed no more than three times in order to conserve water.

And while listening to Trump is equally as bad—Truth Social investors are discovering that now—it might, ironically, end up saving the country.

You may recall when several starry-eyed Republicans ran for president based largely on the notion that a guy with a fraudulent business who’d literally attempted to end America and faced dozens of felony charges might have some vulnerabilities in the general election. Well, one of those candidates—former South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley—stuck around a bit longer than Trump would have liked and it’s still having an impact.

RELATED STORY: Biden campaign reminds Haley voters Trump doesn't want them

Aldous J Pennyfarthing for Community Contributors Team

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Tuesday April 23, 2024 · 8:44 AM PDT

2024/04/23 · 08:44

Happy bleachiversary, non-dead Americans! If you’re reading this, you likely didn’t listen to Donald Trump four years ago while COVID-19 was ravaging the globe. And you certainly took his words with a grain of salt—if not the entire punchbowl of tequila—four years ago today when he suggested disinfectant injections might turn out to be the silver bullet for ending the pandemic.

Of course, it’s appropriate that we revisit this at least once every four years, because this is the Olympics of Derp. It’s also appropriate for an election year because, believe it or not, this guy wants to be president again. And millions of Americans who presumably didn’t inject Clorox want to help him achieve that impossible dream/waking nightmare.

Aldous J Pennyfarthing for Community Contributors Team

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Saturday April 20, 2024 · 11:00 AM PDT

2024/04/20 · 11:00

AUSTIN, TEXAS - MARCH 12: Cheech Marin (L) and Tommy Chong attend the Premiere of "Cheech and Chong's Last Movie" with a large marijuana joint at The Paramount Theatre during the 2024 SXSW Conference and Festiva on March 12, 2024 in Austin, Texas. (Photo by Mat Hayward/FilmMagic) — The OGs

It’s 4/20, that solemn stoner holiday when we wake, perhaps bake, look back at how far we’ve come, and take the time to remember why the oven is on and there’s a sheet of raw snickerdoodles in the dryer.

We all celebrate 4/20 differently—some prefer not to celebrate it at all for some weird reason—but if you’re a fan of America’s fave Schedule 1 controlled substance, you’ve likely been looking forward to this seemingly arbitrary date for weeks. Or days. Or since you clicked on this story and suddenly realized you have a semi-legitimate excuse for day-toking on a Saturday.

So where did this highest of holy days come from, and when exactly will all Americans be allowed to celebrate it without fear of government reprisals?

Aldous J Pennyfarthing for Community Contributors Team

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Friday April 19, 2024 · 9:15 AM PDT

2024/04/19 · 09:15

WASHINGTON, DC - NOVEMBER 29: (L-R) Sen. Rick Scott (R-FL) speaks to reporters as Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) looks on after meeting with Senate Republicans at the U.S. Capitol November 29, 2022 in Washington, DC. The Senate is expected to pass the the Respect for Marriage Act on Tuesday night, which will enshrine marriage equality into federal law. (Photo by Drew Angerer/Getty Images) — Florida Sen. Rick Scott

Another day, another confused, wishy-washy, “pro-life” Republican muttering incoherently about abortion. Florida Sen. Rick Scott—who oversaw one of the largest Medicare frauds in U.S. history … but that’s not important right now—is trying to wriggle away from his past proclamations about abortion.

Scott will say just about anything, as long as it’s a chickenshit lie. And now he’s recoiling from his sincerely held “pro-life” positions like Donald Trump from a process server posing as an age-appropriate blind date. Or is he?

Knowing that the abortion issue is now a political minefield chock-full of unexploded ordnance, Republicans across the country are trying to hedge their bets and cover their butts. But, lately, Scott mostly just sounds like he’s got shrapnel in his head.

Aldous J Pennyfarthing for Community Contributors Team

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Thursday April 18, 2024 · 7:27 AM PDT

2024/04/18 · 07:27

If you want to run a modern business with a bright and prosperous future, you’ll want to look into launching a diversity, equity, and inclusion initiative.

In fact, such programs are swiftly becoming de rigueur in the business world—so much so that even Donald Trump’s latest grease fire of a company, Trump Media & Technology Group, has its own DEI policy. His company may be to Facebook and Google what the guy selling roadkill from the back of his van is to, well, any restaurant that doesn’t serve raccoon, but it is trying to keep up with the big boys in one important respect: It’s faithfully adhering to corporate best practices on diversity. Because, as its impotent potentates no doubt know, the company would be a big joke otherwise. Or more so, anyway.

And that’s deeply ironic, because Trump’s media company, which runs Truth Social, is the brainchild of two of Trump’s “Apprentice” contestants, which makes Trump its brain-grandpa. And Brain-Grandpa Trump is all about screaming barmy nonsense at minorities from his porch, not joining the rest of us in the 21st century.

Aldous J Pennyfarthing for Community Contributors Team

Community

Wednesday April 17, 2024 · 7:02 AM PDT

2024/04/17 · 07:02

Without question, defeating Donald Trump this year is job one—because if we don’t do that, job two will likely involve tossing deep-fried Soylent Green to the free-range Trump clones waiting for OG Don’s consciousness to upload into their brains for yet another go at infrastructure week.

That said, if we want government to function properly, and for President Joe Biden to have a Congress he can actually work with to achieve popular legislative goals, like restoring abortion rights nationwide, Democrats need to take back the House and keep the Senate. And while that’s certainly a tall order, given the difficult lineup of races Democrats face this cycle, there’s also plenty of good news on that front. Democrats are winning the Senate fundraising battle—in many cases by eye-popping margins.

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Libertarians willing to overlook Trump’s authoritarian plans

Marjorie Taylor Greene’s anti-speaker antics are irking everyone

9 of Trump’s most disturbing responses from his terrible Time interview

Trump was not prepared for RFK Jr. to attract so many MAGA voters

Trump VP hopeful Kristi Noem is very proud of that time she murdered her dog

Super-patriotic GOP candidate forgets words to the Pledge of Allegiance

Trump told Haley supporters to f--- off. His plan seems to be working

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Happy 4/20! Let's take a look at where we are, and where we're going

Republicans are still scrambling on abortion. Just look at Rick Scott

Trump wants to gut diversity programs. Guess whose company has one?

This year's election won't be easy, but Democrats have a big advantage