I'm really touched.

PennBrian

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Wednesday November 07, 2012 · 1:29 AM PST

2012/11/07 · 01:29

I had an unexpected moment hearing Rachel Maddow state that for the first time in U.S. history, two states had voted at the ballot box to recognize marriage equality. I thought of what that would have meant to me as a teenager first coming to terms with being gay, but believing that I didn't have to end my life as long as I stayed in hiding and dissociated from peers and family who would never understand, or so I thought. I shut so many people out, prejudging them as potential threats. I learned to reflexively discount what other people thought and said as a means of survival. I was there, but I was never really there. Being a detached privately elitist bookworm may have been empowering in a sophomoric sense, but it grew hollow over time. My first boyfriend referred to me as a "robot." He meant it lightheartedly, but he was right.

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