This weekend's events, and their coinciding with the anniversary of Stonewall, are an emotional time for any gay, bisexual, or trans person. New York's adoption of gay marriage, and its embrace of true equal rights, is a clarion call to us all. It's also an occasion for self examination, confession, and new resolve. This is a long read, for which I apologize, but then I have a lot to tell. I'm even egotistical enough to think it might help sonebody, at least in an admonitory way.
I've always been a closet case. Partly that's been out of fear, partly it's been out of confusion (since I've also been atrracted to women). At 57, I've seen the entire course of the gay rights movement in my sentient lifetime, and I'm happy for (and a little envious of) those who are young now or will come after, who will have their paths to their true selves so much easier laid than I and my elders did. My path in particular has been filled with mistakes, self-hatred, denial, and temporixing. I write in the hope that I can keep at least a few other people from making the same mistakes.
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