I didn’t know anything about this new internet phenomena dubbed “zoombombing,” until my husband was attending a 12-Step recovery meeting online using Zoom, and a group of non-members invaded it, shouting at him (typing in all caps), “N**GER, N**GER, N**GER.” Were we still living in the world the way it was, pre-COVID, in a face-to-face meeting, that wouldn’t have happened. He, and the other people in the meeting, who happened to be white, were appalled, and the serenity that had been found in that online meeting room was disrupted and never regained.
That was a week ago. Then, I saw a tweet from Connecticut’s freshman Democratic Representative Jahana Hayes, who was the 2016 National Teacher of the Year (NTOY), and is the first Black woman ever elected to serve in the House from Connecticut, who is running for re-election.
She attached a screenshot of the invasion by Trump supporting trolls of a community meeting campaign event she had held in Newtown, CT, using Zoom.
A day later, she wrote a deeply moving, and honest response to what had happened, titled, “I Am Not Ok.”
Please take some time out to read her entire piece.
Many will question why I would post something so raw and offensive? It is because I realized in that moment that I am not ok. I am not ok that this happened. I am not ok, that this is not the first time this has happened in my life or that I’ve had to explain that this happens. I am not ok, that I have to post a screenshot to prove it happened. I am not ok, that people will still doubt that it happened or the word of the forty or so participants on the call will be a necessary to “verify” the incident happened. I am not ok, that I will have to delicately explain to people that this happens- here. I am not ok, that many will try and separate/defend these words and actions and will not see that these comments are not about policy or politics- they are about racism and hate and challenge our decency. I am not ok! I said it- I admit it, I am not ok.
Black women are expected to press on, to ignore this behavior; to not talk explicitly about it because it is uncomfortable, divisive or does not reflect the sentiments of most people. I have watched other women weather this storm and fend off these types of attacks and wonder if in their quiet places they have felt what I am feeling right now. We have become numb to this behavior, instinct kicks in and we just move on. So many well intentioned people say things like, ignore it, you’re better than that or don’t let it bother you. Even as I write, I am exhausted by the fact that I am carefully choosing my words, so as to capture the experience, but not offend the reader. We are left debating zoom security, yet not addressing the underlying issue- that pockets of racism and hate still exist right in our own front yard. The most painful part of it all is that no matter what you achieve in life, no matter how many degrees you earn or how good of a person you try to be- all some people will ever allow themselves to see is a N-word.
Has anyone ever considered the trauma of such an experience? Words matter and they cut deep, no matter how hard you try to suppress or ignore them-words hurt. In that moment I was reminded that I carry the weight of leading by example and knowing that everyone was watching my next step. As the first African American woman ever elected to Congress from CT, I know there is likely no blueprint for how to communicate my feelings on this topic to my constituents. I heard the words of Michelle Obama “when they go low we go high” play over and over in my head. I imagined if my Grandma were here she would shake her head and immediately start to pray as she recalled some of the most painful parts of her own history. I thought of the 17 year old who is met with the same racist, vitriol attacks and has to make the life defining decision of how they will respond. So NO- I am not ok.
We should not be okay about this either.
We cannot allow this to be so normal that it is simply another news blip and we move on to the next racist outrage and the next.
So what to do? First, we offer our heartfelt support to Congresswoman Hayes — here’s a link to her office in DC. If you have a Twitter account, you can express your support online.
Spread the word, and help get her re-elected.
Most importantly, be a part of a massive blue wave that will clean house in the halls of power, sweeping away the sludge and corrosive slime who now represent all that is wrong with us. That will be the clearest signal that we are not okay with what we see, and hear, day in and day out.
As Hayes wrote, to end her piece,
“The only way we can cut the cancer of racism out of our communities is by calling it out when we see it and raising our collective voices to get rid of it. In the words of Edmund Burke, “the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil, is for good people to do nothing.” Let’s all commit to doing something and being ok together.”
Vote.