This was originally an email to a friend. Jan is my 79yo male life-partner.
You asked me what I’m scared of, what causes me anxiety. “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” I’m not afraid of dying. I’m not afraid of Jan’s dying. (And we are both severely at risk.) I’m afraid of people buying up all the toilet paper and hand sanitizer. I’m afraid of not being able to go to a bar for a beer. The older Korean lady at the bodega this morning said, “I’m scared.” It broke my heart and I replied, “Believe in God. Or believe in Buddha. Do not be scared.” In short, I’m scared of not being an upright human being (MAN or woman). I’m scared of cowardliness, selfishness, price gouging, panic, and lack of dignity. That’s all I’m scared of.
One time, I delivered a package (a soft package with pill bottles in it) to some people. The woman said, “Oh thank God, this is my husband’s heart medication, and we’re all out. We were starting to worry that this wasn’t going to come, because he really needs it.” There is a lot of junk mail, and there is a lot of impulse purchases that the post office delivers each day. There is also a lot of (unseen by me) essential packages with stuff people need. The small businesses that rely on the post office will be out of business in short order if they can’t ship goods. A huge number of people, ESPECIALLY poor and working class people would suffer greatly without my service. I deliver checks every day. If USPS, UPS, and FEDEX were to close, even for just a couple of weeks, the economy would be irreparably damaged. People would suffer. This is not propaganda. No one told me this, I realized it on my own. My service is essential. I have no MORAL choice but to do my duty. I don’t want to die. I don’t want Jan to die. But I have to go out to work this coming week, because it is my duty. Yeah, I’m scared. But I’m more scared of being the kind of man who hordes hand sanitizer and doesn’t do his duty. I’m scared of not being a good man.