I am a soldier, and a disabled vet. I served my country proudly, was wounded, and suffer not only physical effects, but PTSD as well.
I did not really sleep, after I read about the Russian bounty on our troops last night, and what sleep I did get, was filled with terrible dreams I’ve not had in years.
All day, I have been in bad shape. I can’t stop pacing, I can’t settle my thoughts down. I cycle between fits of rage and despair, and find myself wanting to curl into a ball and weep in one second, then wanting to smash something in the next.
My wife, who is an RN, told me this morning she thought I was triggered, and though I denied it this morning, by this afternoon, I knew she was correct.
As of this moment, I am not doing any better.
My thoughts keep returning to the soldiers we lost last year, to that moment...that moment when the round fired from afar strikes flesh...when you know you are fucked...when you don’t know if you’re going to survive, or if your friends have survived.
Like an endless chant in my mind, the word “betrayal” pounds my every thought, and all I can see, all I can feel, is rage. And sorrow.
We who serve in the military do so with a sense of honor, of history, of purpose. What purpose does being specifically targeted by a foreign government - for money - serve? What honor does our government convey upon soldiers, and upon our country, by doing NOTHING? NOTHING. Nothing...
At least 20 soldiers were killed in Afghanistan last year. And Putin paid an unnamed number of rubles to the Taliban last year as bounty for TARGETING AND KILLING OUR SOLDIERS.
And the United States of America, under the direction of President fucking Trump - did NOTHING AT ALL about it...
It has been a long time since I’ve been triggered to this level, and yet, I KNOW, the pain I am in is insignificant, compared to what the families who lost their precious sons, daughters, fathers, and mothers, are experiencing right now, hearing this news.
Please — if you know a veteran — reach out to them. Let them know you are there, that you care, that you are aware. This betrayal by our fucking COMMANDER IN CHIEF cuts far deeper than I can put into words. Those who have served, know…
UPDATE: I wrote this diary because I needed to communicate about what this did to me. PTSD makes speaking to anyone, my wife included, difficult for me. But writing sometimes helps, and there was nowhere else I was comfortable going.
I also wrote this here, because I know there are many vets who frequent this site, and if it affected them as it did me, I wanted them to know they were not alone.
I did not expect to get any attention from writing this, and after spending the last 24 hours lost in myself, I came here just now to see if there was any more news about the report that triggered me, and I discovered this astonishing outpouring of support from this amazing community.
I don’t know how to express my deep gratitude for your concern, kind words, suggestions, and support. It means everything. And it is a clear demonstration of what true American patriots do — you hold out your hand to a stranger in need. This is why, no matter how they try, the enemies of America, both foreign and domestic, will never defeat the ideals which have, for centuries, defined us as a people.
Thank you all...