Sometimes you just need a nice, soothing rant—generously seasoned with only the finest vulgarities—to help you relax and unwind at the end of a long day. It’s how I survived growing up in a Republican family, and it’s how I muddle through in the age of DeSantis and Trump.
So ... this guy. THIS GUY. Thank you, guy. Sadly, I don’t know your name, but if this happens to be you, step up and claim your Alvin Styczynski tickets, six-pack of Kingsbury, and family-sized basket of deep-fried cheese curds.
Huzzah! I say, “Huzzah!” sir.
Enjoy:
“Hey folks, how are you doing? I’ve just got a quick question about this whole COVID, ‘not getting vaccinated and running to the fucking hospital once you get the virus’ fucking deal, because this shit is out of fucking control, all right? And I’m gonna give you a quick story on why I think it’s out of fucking control. Last week I had to bring my wife into the hospital. She has stage 4 breast cancer, she was dealing with some symptoms, and I had to bring her in to get some fluid drained. She was having some pain, blah, blah, blah. She was in there for two days. On the third day—she honestly should have stayed one more day, maybe two more days, okay?—but on the third day instead of draining her fluid, and what they wanted to do … they told us that she had to be discharged because they had no room left in the hospital because of COVID. Here’s my question. … Ninety-nine percent of everybody that’s in the hospital with COVID right now is unvaccinated, okay. If you really fucking believe that COVID is not real, if you really believe that’s not a big deal, and you really believe that you don’t need to get the vaccine, that is your fucking right. Okay? I’m not going to argue with you about that. What I am going to argue with [you] about is you running to the fucking hospital once you get the virus. If you don’t trust the medical field to prevent you from getting it, why do you trust them to cure you from it? Why do you run to the fucking hospital? If you really believe that COVID’s not a big deal and it’s not this, that, and the other and you don’t get the vaccine because of it, stick to your fucking guns and keep your motherfucking ass at home. Stop running to the hospital, putting everybody else at fucking risk and, in turn, the collateral damages. People like my wife who actually need medical fucking help for a chronic fucking disease get kicked out of the hospital because your dumb ass is too stupid to go get a fucking vaccine shot. Keep your ass at home. If you really believe COVID’s not a big deal, prove it. Stick to your fucking guns, keep your ass at home, and fucking deal with it.”
Righteous. Though I could have done with a few more f-bombs, to tell you the truth. But that’s just me.
Now, I don’t actually think unvaccinated people with COVID-19 should stay home. I’m not ready to go that far—but then I haven’t been through what this guy’s been through.
That said, I do think that the unvaccinated deserve their pariah status. Not taking the only responsible course of action available to you should not make you part of a protected class. It should make you an outcast (assuming you’re eligible for and healthy enough to take the vaccine, that is).
Being a maverick has its time and place, but it’s worth fuck-all in the middle of a public health crisis. And if you’re going to be a rock-ribbed libertarian, maybe you really should put your money where your intubation tube goes and simply take your lumps.
But that will never happen, so we continue to suffer, steeped in our fellow citizens’ obstinance and stupidity.
Then again, we should be used to that by now, shouldn’t we?
It made comedian Sarah Silverman say “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Just $12.96 for the pack of 4! Or if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.