While the House Jan. 6 committee has proved beyond a reasonable doubt that Donald Trump was criminally responsible for the 2021 Capitol incursion, the transcripts it has released over the past several days have also conclusively shown that he’s unfit for the presidency. Of the United States, obviously, but also of the official Human Centipede Fan Club. Or the International Toilet Tweeters Union. Honestly, he shouldn’t be president—or a dues-paying member, for that matter—of anything, unless it’s the West Palm Beach Drugged-and-Shackled Feral Animal Club.
The most horrifying prospect about a potential second Trump administration is that Trump would be surrounded entirely by loyalists—namely, people loyal to the idea that he isn’t a know-nothing wad of squishy, toxic, perpetually metastasizing id.
In case you needed more proof that a second Trump presidency would be a veritable espresso-and-ghost-pepper enema for an already weary nation, you need only read the transcript from former White House Director of Strategic Communications Alyssa Farah Griffin’s testimony to the Jan. 6 committee, which was released to the public on Thursday.
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It’s nearly 150 pages packed full with mephitic Trumpian brain farts—amounting to yet another alarming cautionary tale for a still-not-quite-fascist country.
At one point in the transcript, Griffin discusses an infamous tweet Trump sent out during the 2020 George Floyd protests in which he rather unhelpfully wrote, “When the looting starts, the shooting starts.”
After being asked if she ever directly went to Trump to give him advice, Griffin said the following:
“Yes, but usually only if it was a walk back of something. Like, if he, I can think of a number of occasions where he—the most notable—and, you know, just for the record, this was the first time I thought about resigning and didn't. But after George Floyd's murder and the social justice protests of summer of 2020—I think it would have been June of 2020—he tweeted something along the lines of, ‘when the looting starts, the shooting starts.’ And, I mean, I and every living, breathing person was horrified by it. But I walked into his office and we were getting crushed—you know, even FOX News was like, this is terrible.
“So l walked into the dining room and said, like, sir, like, you need to walk this back. I was like, even your friends are coming after you. And he was like, what are you talking about? So he watches television on TiVo. So, like, a lot of times he's like 30 minutes behind on the news and doesn't know what's actually happening in real time, and then he has to fast-forward to catch up, which is, anyway, bizarre. But—so he fast-forwards and realizes he is getting criticized. So I brought him, like, the first walk back, which was along the lines of, what I meant to say is, when there's looting, inevitably violence follows, and violence is terrible. Like, everyone stand down and be peaceful.
“And he said, ‘No, no, no. That's not what I meant. What I meant is, like, when the looting starts, people are going to get shot.’ And I'm like, oh, great. So l spent about the next 5 hours trying to get a version of a tweet that he would, that he would be okay with. He eventually tweeted something that was, I wouldn't say helpful, but it was at least somewhat deescalatory.”
Griffin also notes multiple times where Trump called for people to be executed.
“You guys will remember the reporting of, I believe it was The New York Times, that the former President went into the bunker during this period of protests. And he was furious that that got out. Someone had leaked it and whatever. But I was in a meeting with him. I believe Attorney General [Bill] Barr was there, I think Chairman [Mark] Milley, and others. And he said, ‘Whoever leaked that should be executed. They’re a traitor to their President. They should be executed.’ And that, to me, | was, like I mean, that's just stunning, that it was just stunning coming from him. But he thought very - anything that, like, disaligned with him, he had very strong opinions about. And he, I mean, there's countless times where he talks, like, knocking people’s heads together. And he wanted to see -after the George Floyd murder, he wanted to see violence and shows of strength in the street.
“And it was - I give tremendous credit to Chairman Milley for actually like offering him a solution and deescalating it, because he was talking about militarizing our streets with Active Duty [troops], and it was - all of it to say, yes, this is a man who didn't shy away from violence if it supported his causes, as we saw.”
Wait, you mean the guy who wanted to shoot immigrants in the legs, build moats filled with alligators to keep them out, and roll tanks into the streets of our major cities to quell protests never really changed his mind about indiscriminately shooting American citizens in the streets? Shocking.
Griffin also notes that she considered resigning in the wake of the Trump response to the 2020 uprisings, but did not—because “the question in my mind was, if I leave, who is going to replace me? And, honestly, what I was most fearful it was going to be Jenna Ellis. And I'm like, what things might happen if she's there? So l stayed.”
Of course, not only will Trump blithely glom onto conspiracy theories when they dovetail with his own bird brain (see: the 2020 presidential election), he’s also unusually susceptible to the beguiling blandishments of the last person he talked to. And that’s a problem if that person happens to be Matt Effing Gaetz.
At one point in the transcript, Griffin discusses an incident where Gaetz stoked Trump’s already seething rage at one of his media nemeses, MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough.
“The other thing is … he's a product of his advisers. I mean, staff is everything in these jobs, and someone could put something in front of him and it could completely change his mind on something. This is anecdotal, but it will kind of capture it for you.
“I remember, not relevant to January 6th, but I'd heard Jim Jordan was in the West Wing and Matt Gaetz was with him, and I still had a good relationship with Jim at that point, so decided to go and say hi to him. And I'm waiting outside of the Outer Oval with Gaetz and Jordan, and Kayleigh McEnany was with me. And Jim and I are just shooting—shooting the crap. … And Gaetz has this folder. And I said, you know, what is that? And he pulls it out. It's conspiracy theories about Joe Scarborough murdering his intern. And I said, please do not bring that into the West Wing—or to the Oval Office.
“We were literally outside of the Outer Oval. And just as I'm saying that—I said, you cannot put that in front of the President, he—he gets ushered in. And sure enough, within—by the next morning, the former President is tweeting wild conspiracy theories about a cable news host, you know, allegedly murdering his intern.
“So that gives you a sense of like, just kind of chaos.”
Luckily Gaetz is just a demon sperm propagator and not a demon sperm doctor, but it’s still alarming to read just how gullible Trump was (and ostensibly still is) when it comes to outlandish conspiracy theories.
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Oh, and remember all those desperately hopeful theories that Trump’s daughter Ivanka would somehow be a moderating influence on the dyspeptic smegma golem who sired her? Yeah, that was all bullshit, too.
“I think people called on Ivanka when they needed to—when they had a hard time getting through to the President. I don't know that I saw a ton of evidence that it changed outcomes. There's some of these—like, there's a handful of sort of myths that have been created, and I don't know if it's, like, because people pushed certain PR or what, but there was also this narrative that Hope Hicks could get through to him and push back on him. I never once saw Hope Hicks ever push back on him. And that Ivanka was, like, the voice of reason and could get him to change his mind.
“I like Ivanka. She was very decent to me. But I never saw her change his opinion on something. And it was Ivanka, Hope, and Jared that convinced him to do the whole Lafayette Square photo op and clearing the park with force sort of thing. So also—I question this notion that she had sort of excellent judgment that we—I don't know. I didn't see her presence changing things for the better is my point.”
There’s a lot lot more. At one point, Griffin admits she was “relieved” Joe Biden won the election. She also calls former White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany a “liar and an opportunist” who knew Trump had lost, but did what she had to do to get that Fox News gig of her dreams. Griffin also had some choice words to describe her longtime boss Mark Meadows.
However, I think my favorite line of Griffin’s is this description of Trump: “This is a man who will always do the worst thing.” It's just 11 words, conveying a truth so many of us have long known.
It’s a long transcript and would be great for some leisurely toilet reading. Mainly because the bathroom is also where people scrub themselves raw after coming in contact with toxic waste and do the lion’s share of their vomiting. If only eye-wash stations were standard in most homes as well.
The full transcript is here, if you’re so inclined.
RELATED STORY: We’ve got every single one of the January 6 committee transcripts released so far, all in one place
Check out Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s four-volume Trump-trashing compendium, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.