It's Morning in America
Democrats will focus their energy on lowering gas prices…and reducing inflation…and turbo-boosting economic growth…and protecting Social Security and Medicare…and adding to the 5 million jobs created in the last year alone…and transitioning to clean energy…and beefing up blue-collar paychecks…and forgiving student debt…and fighting for equal rights…and welcoming immigrants to build a new life here…and making health care more affordable...and fixing/expanding our nation’s infrastructure…and respecting freedom from religion as much as freedom of religion...and supporting both science and the arts...and maintaining a military that's the envy of the world…and confirming a record number of people of color to positions of authority including judges on federal benches…and nurturing our standing as a role model on the international stage.
Republicans will focus their energy on deciding whether to formally change their name to The Hitler Party before or after they “terminate” the U.S. Constitution.
Saddle up. It’s morning in America. And we live in strange times.
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, December 5, 2022
Note: For those of you participating in the C&J Pharmaceuticals clinical trial who have suddenly sprouted a pine bough from your rectum, please report to Dr. Augenblick for a free pruning. To speed the process, please remove the Christmas lights and ornaments first. —Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til 2023: 27
Days 'til the 17th annual Currier and Ives Cookie Tour in New Hampshire's Monadnock region: 5
Percent drop in apartment rents in November, the sharpest in five years: 1%
Number of consecutive months rents have gone down: 3
Months since the average price of gas has been as low as it is now: 10
Date on which the sale of recreational marijuana began in Rhode Island: 12/1/22
Number of retail marijuana shops now open, with a maximum of 33 allowed: 5
Percent chance that Edward Snowden took the oath to become a Russian citizen: 100%
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Happy Banana Monday…
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CHEERS to breaking the corn dog's curse. Okay, people, let's not be rude or crass or armpit-farty at the fine folks in Iowa. Their middle-of-winter presidential caucuses will always be the stuff of legend (and frozen toes) and we thank you for your service. But now, finally, it's time to let someone else go first. If all goes according to plan, the Demon Rat party will pack up the station wagon and head down south in 2024:
The rule-making arm of the Democratic National Committee on Friday voted to approve a proposal to drastically reshape the 2024 presidential nominating calendar and make South Carolina the first state to hold a primary, followed by Nevada and New Hampshire on the same day a few days later, and then Georgia and Michigan before Super Tuesday.
Angry Joni is how you know Dems are doing the right thing.
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President Joe Biden this week asked DNC leaders to adopt this early state lineup, which strips Iowa of its first-in-the-nation status. The proposal by the DNC’s Rules and Bylaws Committee needs to be approved at a full DNC meeting, which will take place early next year, and states will still need to set their own primary dates.
Naturally, the move will rile some feathers among Democrats in the Hawkeye State. To get a sense of the mood there, the New York Times will immediately send teams to visit rural diners and ask Republicans what they think.
CHEERS to jobs, jobs, jobs. The numbers aren't eye-popping relative to some of the blockbuster months of the recent past, but the September jobs report released Friday wasn't half bad: 263-thousand new jobs. Some added details from Master Abacus Clacker Bill McBride at Calculated Risk:
[L]leisure and hospitality has now added back about 88% all of the jobs lost in March and April 2020. Construction employment increased 20 thousand and is now 126 thousand above the pre-pandemic level. Manufacturing added 14 thousand jobs and is now 149 thousand above the pre-pandemic level.
The headline unemployment rate was unchanged at 3.7%, and U-6 [tied the] record low at 6.7%.
Overall, this was another solid employment report.
One jobs sector that got absolutely decimated last month: Republican election deniers running for governor and Secretary of State in swing states. But fear not—it was offset by an equal increase in the swing-state wahmbulance driver sector.
CHEERS to "Martin Van Ruin." Our 8th president turns 240 today (but he doesn’t look a day over 239). In the “negative” column, he sat around picking his nose during the depression and panic of 1837, did nothing about slavery, and was on duty during the time of the shameful Trail of Tears. In the “plus” column, he averted conflicts with Britain and Canada. In the "sleeping on the couch" column, he never once mentioned his wife Hannah (who died at 36 before he reached the White House) in his autobiography. Interesting tidbit from The Secret Lives of the U.S. Presidents by Cormac O'Brien:
Martin Van Buren was renowned for not taking a stand.
One story, which Van Buren admits to in his autobiography, tells how one senator accepted a bet that he could actually make Van Buren admit to something with finality. "It's been rumored that the sun rises in the east," said the senator to Van Buren. "Do you believe it?" "Well, Senator," came the reply, "I understand that's the common acceptance, but as I never get up till after dawn, I can't really say."
Oh, and before his one-way trip to the Alamo, Congressman Davy Crocket said: “Martin Van Buren is laced up in corsets, such as women in a town wear, and if possible tighter than the best of them. It would be difficult to say from his personal appearance, whether he was a man or a woman, but for his large red and gray whiskers." Fox News would never hire Crockett as a pundit today. Too restrained.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to the early birds. While tomorrow is the official "election day" for Georgia's senate runoff contest between Democrat Raphael Warnock and a Republican from Texas who (correct me if I'm getting this backwards) thinks he's a vampire but wishes he was a werewolf, early voting has already taken place. The numbers released so far are impressive. Especially notable is turnout among voters who stayed home on November 8th:
More than 1.85 million Georgians have voted early, according to the office of Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger, breaking two single-day records in about a week. […] Democrats are outpacing Republicans among early in-person and mail votes by a heavy margin of 52% to 39%, according to data provided by TargetSmart. […]
Among Georgians under 30 years old, 15.5% of early runoff voters didn’t turn out for the general election. Additionally, 8.4% of Hispanics and 9.5% of Asian Americans who have shown up for the runoff didn’t vote in the Nov. 8 election. All three constituencies lean Democratic overall.
Join the Daily Kos Elections Team ("The Best in the Business") tomorrow night for the thrilling conclusion. Sponsored by...well, by peaches I presume. Duh.
CHEERS to sweet victory. Speaking of elections, on December 5, 1792, George Washington won his reelection. It was a brutal campaign. His challenger was a real jerk named...um...George Washington. Watching him debate himself was actually a little creepy:
"Shan't!"
"Shall!"
"Shan't!"
"Shall!"
”Thou can’st sticketh a rubber—or rubber-like, depending upon the seasonal availability of materials—hose uppeth thy snooty Virginia nose.”
"Thy wife weareth the boots of a paymaster in the Continental Army!"
"Okay, okay...thou hast me there, I concedeth the point."
"Then bullocks to you, I win!"
Did I mention he owned his own distillery?
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Ten years ago in C&J: December 5, 2012
JEERS to a chilly reception. Maine has seen an influx of immigrants from Africa over the past several years, and lord knows this whiter-than-white state can use the diversity. For the most part our new neighbors get into the swing of American life smoothly—our economic climate, our religious climate, our live-and-let-live climate, even our political climate. But there's always one climate up here that catches some off-guard: namely, our climate climate:
[I]t's not just the novelty of falling snow and frozen puddles. Furnaces, steam radiators and heating oil bills can be just as bewildering. On occasion, misunderstandings about heating systems and cultural and language barriers can create conflicts with landlords, city officials say. To prepare newly arrived immigrants for winter, the Portland's Social Services division offers monthly "winter workshops," with lessons on how to dress properly, what to do in cases of frostbite, how heating systems work and the cost of heating fuels.
As 20-year veterans of Maine winters—including some never-ending ones that belong in the hall of frozen fame—my partner Michael and I have come up with a fool-proof plan for dealing with them. It's really simple if you remember it as the "Nine Bs": Be prepared, Bundle up, Buy a good shovel, Brake carefully and, above all, Bitch Bitch Bitch Bitch Bitch. (If you need any tips on the last five, we're available for seminars.)
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And just one more…
CHEERS to blowing this popsicle stand. Whenever the shit gets too deep here on the bluish-brown marble, I head over to NASA's site to see if our new Space Force is conquering every ball of gas and rock in the known galaxy. Sorry to say the answer is “not yet,” so we'll just have to spend our days and nights gazing yonward and dreaming of death stars and cloaked Klingon vessels. This month’s major events include celestial dressage with Pegasus and the moon visiting our neighbors. Here's NASA's Preston Dyches with a preview:
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Preston forgot to mention another major December event: the Geminids meteor shower happens on the 13th and 14th. No biggie. We all make mistakes. But I still want that man fired.
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
“Since the last time I was here, Mr. Walker has been talking about issues that are of great importance to the people of Georgia. Like whether it’s better to be a vampire or Bill in Portland Maine. This is a debate that I must confess I once had myself. When I was 7. Then I grew up.”
—Barack Obama
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