Everything about the image is perfect—in a way. If Donald Trump ever achieves his longstanding goal of turning America into a giant kleptocratic Chuck E. Cheese, this will be the new flag of Colorado—in honor of the state’s governor-for-life, Lauren J. “Le Petomane” Boebert.
It’s a perfect snapshot of America in the Year of Our Lord 2022. A crass deference to shallow values and superficial virtues? Check. A hearty, smiling embrace of bellicose witlessness? Check. A deeply ironic celebration of biblically proscribed foods? Check. And the mealy maraschino cherry atop the Old Country Buffet sundae? Misspellings! What would any fake conservative award be without glaring errors?!
Ah, whatevs. Boebert has no shame. Sure, she’ll pose with this monstrosity ...
Here’s a close-up shot for the nontweeters:
Mediaite:
Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO) was given something called the “Hottest Woman in Congress Award” by conservative talk show host Jesse Kelly.
The award misspelled the congresswoman’s name. She also received a gift card to Red Lobster.
In a clip from late January surfaced on Twitter by Patriot Takes, Boebert joined The Jesse Kelly Show, where the host congratulated her on her “high achievement.”
I can only assume host Jesse Kelly was hitting on her. I mean, who just gives a woman a free Red Lobster dinner without expecting things to get hot and heavy between his twin-bed-circa-1979 Battlestar Galactica sheets? Or whatever it is that people who give out such awards sleep on. To be fair, I’m making some (educated) assumptions.
This is America now: a passel of grinning twits documenting their dipshittery in official-looking certificates, while breathlessly awaiting the return of that big ocher mulch pile of pathologies.
And though I myself never eat at Red Lobster, for some reason I still feel like puking.
It made comedian Sarah Silverman say, “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT,” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.