Because I believe we may actually be living in a simulation (no, really), I sometimes wonder if Judge Jeanine Pirro is just the video game avatar of a ferociously drunk dude who recently fell asleep on his couch with a Tombstone pizza in the oven and The Best of Deep Purple blaring on his hi-fi. It would explain a lot, really.
Then again, it’s more likely that she’s real and has been tasked by the GOP with disrupting the global box wine supply chain so President Joe Biden looks bad in the runup to the 2022 midterms. And she appears to be up to the job ... and then some.
Responding to recent reports that following discussions with Biden, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau will step up efforts to prevent anti-vaxx protesters from blocking key trade routes between the U.S. and Canada, Brundle-barfly burped this multisyllabic slurry:
PIRRO: “This idea that Trudeau came out and he said, ‘Look, what I want to do is I want to keep Canadians safe. And they are harming the economy and they are endangering public safety.’ No, they’re not. They’re sitting there and they’re just protesting. And the amazing part of it is, Trudeau is now going to listen to Biden. Biden now has the final word on what you should do if someone is protesting peacefully. Biden, the same guy who in the summer of 2020 decided that he would allow people to burn down, you know, streets and businesses and create all kinds of problems and arson and criminal acts and police injured. So Biden is going to call this guy who is dumb enough to listen to him.”
I have two responses to this:
1) Awww! Are we worried that the economy is rebounding under Biden, and these scofflaws aren’t going to shutter free enterprise after all? Judging by Fox News’ clear hope for a gruesome January jobs report (a report that turned out to be boffo, thankyouverymuch), this is a pretty safe assumption.
2) Wait, Joe Biden “allowed” protesters to burn down businesses in 2020? Was he wearing a tan suit when he did it? Because—and this is burned into my memory, believe me—I seem to recall someone else being president of the United States in 2020. At the time, Biden was a private citizen. Is it possible both Pirro and Donald Trump thought Biden was president in the summer of 2020? Because that would be really weird.
Fox spouts florid nonsense all day long and no one ever expects their piffle to make sense—least of all the network’s own on-air personalities. But I’m not sure how they blame the current president for something that happened on the previous president’s watch—especially since our new president condemned the actions of the 2020 rioters in no uncertain terms. Contrast that with Donald Trump, who wants to pardon the Jan. 6 rioters who trashed the Capitol, threatened our democracy, and nearly succeeded in assassinating the vice president of the United States.
Seems like maybe Pirro is selectively remembering—which, to be fair, is probably the only kind of remembering she’s capable of these days. But still, there’s no reason she can’t strive to be better.
It all starts with admitting she has a problem.
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