Vladimir Putin’s race to subjugate Ukraine before he pops his Nazi clogs isn’t going so well, and many analysts are eyeing May 9—the anniversary of Russia’s victory over Hitler 1.0—for clues about his next moves.
At this point, Putin’s “special military operation” appears bereft of vim, vigor, or any semblance of momentum, and apart from adding Cousin Oliver and Scrappy-Doo to the invasion force to reinvigorate his nation’s interest in his gobsmackingly shambolic foray into the Fire Swamp, it’s hard to envision how he can possibly turn this around.
So imagine what his war looks like close up, from the Russian side—because from my vantage point it looks like Russia is destined to become the world’s biggest Spirit Halloween store by mid-September. Seriously, at this rate Russia will have no choice but to swap out its national anthem with the Benny Hill theme.
The latest? Russian soldiers are not only sabotaging their own equipment—and getting away with it—they’re sharing sabotage best practices with their comrades:
Russian fighters have been sharing tips with one another about how to deliberately damage their own equipment and hamper Russian President Vladimir Putin’s war plans in Ukraine, according to recordings of alleged Russian troops’ phone calls that the Security Service of Ukraine (SBU) intercepted.
In one regiment, one Russian soldier allegedly said they’ve been pouring sand into the tanks’ fuel systems to clog them up.
Weird how little appetite there is among rank-and-file Russkies for turning themselves into oleaginous, quasi-patriotic beef globules.
Even more alarming for Hitler 2.0 and his crapulous cronies—when the soldier on the other end of that conversation heard there were no real repercussions for his subterfuge, he said he might try a little Putin-underminin’ of his own.
In another intercepted conversation, a Russian soldier told a family member that he and his compatriots had damaged their last remaining tank in order to scuttle his superior’s attack plans. “We have one tank left in the regiment,” the soldier said. “In short, we broke our tank ourselves in the morning so as not to go.”
I never thought I’d say this, but—go Russian soldiers!
These intercepted calls offer some insight into why Russia’s war is going so poorly—there’s a morale chasm between the Ukrainian and Russian armies the width of Donald Trump’s neck wattle. This may have something to do with Russia’s clear contempt for its own military personnel—who’ve been sent to Ukraine to die in droves—as well as the rampant corruption that’s left the Russian military in a grievous state of disrepair. According to The Daily Beast, Russian troops have taken to social media platforms to “beg” for donations—in at least one instance posting a photo to show how much better Ukraine’s first aid kits are than Russia’s.
Even if Putin does declare war and institute a full mobilization—which would likely be a reckless and desperate decision with very little upside—it’s hard to see how he turns his country’s fortunes around before he finally goes tyets up.
He may be able to gaslight the larger populace for a bit, but his army knows exactly how FUBAR his “special operation” is. And that, dear comrades, is unlikely to change after May 9. Or ever.
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