Rep. Lee Zeldin defeated Ghouly the Younger in the GOP’s New York gubernatorial primary on Tuesday, and it wasn’t particularly close. As of this writing, Zeldin was up by more than 20 points. The Associated Press called the race Tuesday night, which was a little like announcing, “Say, remember that horse who broke his leg right out of the gate and was dragged off the track by a herd of feral cats? He didn’t win.”
This is the part where Andrew Giuliani squirts a torrent of ink from his temples and scurries into the murky abyss to fight another day. Maybe he’ll pick a fight he can win next time. Like instead of vying for the governorship, he’ll get into a donnybrook with a pigeon over a Nathan’s Famous hot dog. (Psst. The smart money is on the pigeon.)
Maybe Giuliani’s biggest blunder was trying to trade on his dad’s name. The elder Giuliani has been light on actual accomplishments since his salad days, unless you count helping Donald Trump get impeached twice as an accomplishment—which, to be clear, I absolutely do. In fact, in the immediate run-up to the primary, Big Ghouls’ biggest accomplishment was convincing Fox News viewers that unfriendly—though far from menacing—love taps are actually egregious assaults.
Of course, this isn’t the outcome Giuliani—who spent half a decade as a pro golfer before nepotism got him a cushy position in the Trump administration—told us to expect. Last June, he assured us he was on a glide path to victory:
GIULIANI: “We just released our first poll. We actually found from the 2.9 million registered Republicans that we are up 8 points so far for the Republican nomination. So look, I think there was a little bit of a plan for the party to anoint another candidate. Unfortunately for them, the 2.9 million Republicans are starting to say, you know what, we like this Giuliani guy. So, honestly, I’m very excited.”
But as Axios helpfully pointed out at the time, Giuliani’s internal polls didn’t jibe with real polls.
Andrew Giuliani, the son of former New York City Mayor and Trump lawyer Rudy Giuliani, received no support from state Republicans for his bid to be the next governor of New York during a secret straw poll held Monday.
Driving the news: Rep. Lee Zeldin (R-N.Y.) got about 85% of the vote, and around 10% chose to abstain, New York Republicans said. The results bode well for Zeldin's chances of becoming the Republican nominee to challenge Gov. Andrew Cuomo in the upcoming election.
And then there was Andrew’s campaign kickoff, wherein he confused the Statue of Liberty with a landmark that clearly wasn’t the Statue of Liberty.
Transcript!
GIULIANI: “Okay, let me know whenever you’re ready. Which one is that, is that Miss Manhattan or is that Lady Lib …? That’s Lady Liberty over there, so. Everybody ready?”
Oof.
Of course, there’s no good reason Giuliani should give up now. He could “just say he won,” like his dad advised Trump to do on Election Day 2020. Unfortunately, Andrew doesn’t have the weird charisma of Trump—who declined to endorse his bestie’s kid. He didn’t even inherit the fading charms of his father, whose smile can still light up a room—so long as that room is rentable by the hour.
Giuliani the younger, of course, has long displayed a desire to ride his father’s coattails.
These charmingly childish antics led to an unflattering and popular (if un-embeddable) Saturday Night Live sketch. Two, actually.
Andrew didn’t hesitate to bring up his SNL portrayals while announcing his bid for governor (and confidently declaring he’d beat Zeldin).
Yet Zeldin will go on to face Democratic Gov. Kathy Hochul, who easily won her primary, in November.
And what’s next for Andrew, beyond navigating visitor protocols at the prison his father will likely soon call home? Maybe he can unleash his papa’s creativity with some Diet Pepsi and get some ideas.
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