The Big “Con”
Climbing into my home-built starship (thanks again for the blueprints, Popular Mechanics) and using the sun as a slingshot to achieve speeds that allowed me to merge with a wormhole, yesterday I made my annual trip back in time to fetch this bit of insight-with-no-expiration-date from Paul Waldman circa July, 2006. Consider it a timely warning to our current spate of GOP toxicity:
Conservatism is the ideology of the past—a past we don't want to return to.
Continued...
Waldman continued...
Liberals need to embrace the culture war, because we're winning. The story of American history is that of conservative ideas and prejudices falling away as our society grows more progressive and thus more true to our nation's founding ideals.
Conservatives supported slavery, conservatives opposed women's suffrage, conservatives supported Jim Crow, conservatives opposed the 40-hour work week and the abolishment of child labor, and conservatives supported McCarthyism. In short, all the major advancements of freedom and justice in our history were pushed by liberals and opposed by conservatives, no matter the party they inhabited at the time.
Conservatism is Bill Bennett lecturing you about self-denial, then rushing off to feed his slot habit at the casino. It's James Dobson telling you that children need regular beatings to stay in line. It's a superannuated nun rapping you on the knuckles so you won't think about your dirty parts. It's Jerry Falwell watching "Teletubbies" frame by frame to see if Tinky Winky is trying to turn him gay. Conservatism is everyone you never wanted to grow up to be.
Let’s just hope our country gets that through its thick skull in time. At the moment it’s looking iffy.
P.S. Follow Paul Waldman on twitter here.
And now, our feature presentation...
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Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, July 21, 2022
Note: A quick heads-up that there will be no C&J on Monday as we'll be retroactively winning the 2006 superlotto jackpot and telling everybody they can piss off because WE'RE RICH RICH RICH HA HA HAAAAA!!!! Back Tuesday to beg everybody's forgiveness when we realize that we retroactively blew our fortune on cocaine and hookers in 2007.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Rosh Hashanah: 67
Days 'til German Fest in Milwaukee: 8
Percent of Americans polled by Fox News who favor 18-year terms for Supreme Court justices: 66%
Percent in the same Fox poll who favor determining the winner of presidential elections with the popular vote instead of the electoral college: 55%
Size of the energy deal the EU made with Algiers, Azerbaijan, and the UAE to help wean it off of Russian energy: $4 billion
Number of fake Georgia electors who have been informed that they're targets in a criminal probe: 16
Drop in Netflix subscribers during the 2nd quarter, versus -433k during the 2nd quarter of 2021: 1 million
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
The Wall Street Journal's editorial page (the People Who Don't Read Their Own Paper) tried to describe the Federalist Society as an anodyne debating society.
No, it is not—it is a radical right organization, which explains why the White House made calls to national media to deny that [John] Roberts was a member.
Jerome Shestack, president of the American Bar Association in 1998, said, "So much of the society's leadership consists of active politicians and others whose slouching toward extremism is self-proclaimed."
The society is funded by millions of dollars from right-wing and libertarian foundations. It attempts to influence legal education and works with right-wing legal advocacy and litigation organizations.
—July, 2005
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Dogsitter…
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CHEERS to Night 2. Yes, yes, yes, I know it's actually the eighth televised hearing of the House Jan. 6 Committee, but it's only the second one to air in primetime. Tonight's event, which starts at 8, is the grand finale—and whether he's ready or not, the guest of dishonor is gonna get his closeup:
It is expected to focus on what former President Donald Trump was doing during the187 minutes after rioters descended on the Capitol and before he issued he a public response.
Two former Trump White House officials who resigned as a result of the Jan. 6 attack will testify: Former deputy national security adviser Matthew Pottinger—who announced his departure that day — and Trump deputy White House press secretary Sarah Matthews. […]
Rep. Adam Kinzinger, who will be one of the committee members leading Thursday's hearing, told "Face the Nation" Sunday that the hearing will "open people's eyes in a big way" about Trump's behavior.
Daily Kos's finest will liveblog the hearing, so join us for some quality OMG and WTF time. And here's tonight's drinking game: if it's after 8, drink.
JEERS to our hunka hunka burnin' planet. How hot is it here on Planet Fireball? Hotter than a January 6th insurrectionist's dendrites when they're trying to remember how to tie their shoes. Hotter than Marjorie Taylor Greene's hair being set on fire by a Jewish space laser. Hotter than the steam coming out of Donald Trump's ears as he watches the Jan. 6 hearings. Hotter than the seat a Wall Street bankster sits on as Rep. Katie Porter says, "My first question to you is…" It was so hot that Franklin Graham began telling his flock that unrepentant sinners would start being re-routed to fry for eternity in Oklahoma. Yeah...that hot:
A sprawling heat dome is bringing temperatures of up to 110°F, or possibly higher, to a broad swath of the U.S. on Wednesday, with more than 100 million people under heat warnings and advisories.
The National Weather Service is calling the heat "dangerous," as heat is on average the number one weather-related killer annually in the U.S. The elderly and those without access to air conditioning are especially vulnerable to heat-related illnesses.
At the same time as the Plains roasts under relentless, withering heat that is worsening drought in that region, the Mid-Atlantic and Northeast are also experiencing torrid heat as temperatures climb toward the century mark in Richmond and Washington, D.C., this weekend, with the heat extending northeastward to Boston.
The summer of 2022 is certain to fill the record books with more awful heat. (91 here yesterday.) Even worse: more awful heat metaphors.
CHEERS to making radio waves. Moving up five notches on Casey's Top 40 Countdown is an act that hails from a galaxy far, far away. Here's the breakout beach hit of the summer of 2022: "Hello Out There" by ET and the Neutron Stars…
Astronomers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology have picked up repetitive radio signals from a galaxy billions of light-years from Earth. Scientists have not been able to pinpoint the exact location of the radio waves yet, but suspect the source could be neutron stars, which are made from collapsed cores of giant stars. […]
"Not only was it very long, lasting about three seconds, but there were periodic peaks that were remarkably precise, emitting every fraction of a second—boom, boom, boom—like a heartbeat," said Daniele Michilli, a postdoctoral researcher in the Massachusetts Institute of Technology's Kavli Institute for Astrophysics and Space Research.
"This is the first time the signal itself is periodic."
It's catchy enough, I admit. But I dunno—I think they're tentacle synching.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to comeuppance. 48 years ago today, on July 21, 1974, the House Judiciary Committee approved two articles of impeachment against Richard "Okay, I Guess I Am A Crook After All" Nixon. That same day, he was giving a speech at a private home in Bel Air, California. Let's see... He talked about the host's fine tent. He talked about the struggle between Greece and Turkey. He talked about his trip to Egypt. He talked about some former administration officials. And then he toasted his audience with a fine whine:
"You wonder sometimes, and I am often asked, you know, how do you really take the burden of the Presidency, particularly when at times it seems to be under very, very grievous assault.
Let me say, it isn't new for it to be under assault, because since the time we came into office for 5 years, we have had problems.
There have been people marching around the White House when we were trying to bring the war to an end, and we have withstood that, and we will withstand the problems of the future."
He forgot to add four crucial words: "...for 19 more days."
CHEERS murder in broad daylight. To paraphrase a really stupid saying: the only way to stop a dumb guy with old data is a smart guy with current data. This week’s exhibit: a MAGA cultist congressman tried to roll over our illustrious Transportation Secretary on vehicle prices, and here’s how Rep. Scott Perry was the one who ended up flat as a pancake...
“Tire print removal team to the ER, stat...”
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Ten years ago in C&J: July 21, 2012
CHEERS to the new kid on the aircraft carrier. Big doings today at the Intrepid Sea, Air and Space Museum in New York City. The Space Shuttle Enterprise—the first of the shuttles and only used for test purposes—will officially take its place in the new "Space Shuttle Pavilion." Hard to believe that the craft was first assembled 36 years ago, back when Gerald Ford ruled the galaxy. By day the Enterprise will sit silent and stoic as visitors admire it with awe and wonder. By night it'll take part in poker games with the F-16, Sea Cobra and other aircraft on board the vessel, and occasionally do bong hits with the attack choppers on the poop deck. Oh, and of course it'll get free universal shuttlecare for the rest of its life. Lucky duck.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to happy pruning. Some people say exercise is the best thing to clear your head. Some say yoga, others say a wee toke of the wacky tobacky, while a handful find peace by short-sheeting the beds at nursing homes. I say it's actually spending a lazy hour or two in the garden pulling weeds. Here's how to do it in the most satisfying way: 1) Grab the base of the little bastard. 2) Give it a gentle yet persistent tug and wait for that satisfying "Rrrrrrip!" sound that lets you know you've eliminated the menace by the roots. 3) Hold it up and say, "You're gone, McCarthy. As for you, Jordan, Gohmert, Boebert, Gaetz and the rest...you're next." 4) Laugh maniacally. 5) Acknowledge the spontaneous applause coming from the neighbors' yards. 6) If you have more weeds than there are idiot House morons, move on to idiot senators, governors and Fox News hosts. Have fun!
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
The reality of contemporary living requires our attention and efforts be divided between demanding jobs, essential familial caregiving, replenishing social gatherings, and fulfilling political and community engagements—not to mention splashing in the Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool.
—Allie Volpe, Vox
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