Reporter at press conference: The Republican National Committee recently adopted a resolution saying you were pretty much of a failure.
John F. Kennedy: I'm sure it was passed unanimously.
(See it here at 33 seconds in.)
“I think that it is very important that we have a two-party country. I am a fellow that likes small parties and the Republican Party is about the size I like.”
“My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now. When people wave at me, they use all their fingers.”
"In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress."
“These days I look in the mirror and I have to admit, I’m not the strapping young Muslim socialist I used to be."
"When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.'"
They'll be here all week. And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, August 11, 2022
Note: Full "sturgeon moon" (and the last supermoon of the year) tonight. Be sure to get your butt in the back yard, look up, think of Neil Armstrong and Michael Collins (thankfully Buzz Aldrin still walks among us), and give it a wink.
By the Numbers:
Days 'til National Rum Day: 5
Days 'til the 112th Fisherman's Feast in Boston: 7
Amount by which the new law allowing the government to negotiate drug prices for Medicare recipients will reduce the number of new drugs introduced over the next 30 years by pharmaceutical companies, according to the Congressional Budget Office: 1%
Percent chance that the House Jan. 6 Committee now has two years of Alex Jones' text messages: 100%
Number of times President Biden threw rolls of paper towel at flood victims during his visit to Kentucky: 0
Age of Olivia Newton-John when she died of breast cancer Monday: 73
Weeks her hit single Physical spent at the top of the Billboard Top 40 chart: 10
Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
What is most striking to me every time I visit this country is how much more Canadians know about the United States and the rest of the world than many Americans do.
Because they are generally less provincial than we are and certainly pay more attention to world news, they are acutely aware of how much the Bush administration has increased anti-Americanism around the globe. That's why so many of them are stupefied at the idea he might be re-elected—they perceive him as having done great harm to his own country.
So, here I am trying to explain to these politely astonished people how Americans could vote for George W. Bush. Some days are much tougher sledding than others.
Puppy Pic of the Day: Mission…accomplished???
JEERS to the dick in the dock. Former President Donald J. Trump, the most innocent man who ever walked the earth, finally showed up for a deposition in New York so he could clear his name, lay out all the facts under oath, and emerge an unscathed mighty warrior for 2024 with truth and justice on his side. I think you can guess what comes next:
[H]e invoked his Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination Wednesday during a deposition before lawyers from New York Attorney General Letitia James' office in its probe into the Trump Organization's business practices. […]
James’ office is considering whether to file a civil suit against Trump and his company and has said in court filings that it has “uncovered substantial evidence establishing numerous misrepresentations" in Trump’s financial statements to banks, insurers and the IRS. The financial statements were inflated by hundreds of millions of dollars and signed off on by the former president, James has alleged.
How considerate. He doesn’t want us to get bored with all the innocence.
JEERS to another day in the meat grinder. Meanwhile, the terrorist operation Russia is conducting in Ukraine continues. Having exhausted his pathetic standing army commanded by corrupt and lazy (and fast-dwindling) generals, Vladimir Putin is now doing the equivalent of dumpster diving to replenish his ranks:
With a regular army stretched thin after nearly six months of a disastrously executed and bloody invasion of Ukraine, there's increasing evidence that the Kremlin is making ugly choices in its ugly war and recruiting Russia's prisoners to fight.
[One prisoner] spoke on condition of anonymity using a contraband smartphone—quite common in Russia's prison system—to outline the conditions on offer. "They will accept murderers, but not rapists, pedophiles, extremists, or terrorists", he said. "Amnesty or a pardon in six months is on offer. Somebody talks about 100,000 rubles a month, another 200,000. Everything is different."
Meanwhile, with fresh supplies of precision boom-booms from western countries, Ukraine is now targeting airfields inside Russia and says the southern Kherson region will be liberated by the end of the year. I believe them. I never bet against the side that uses their brains.
JEERS to opening big mouth before engaging small brain. On August 11, 1984, during a radio voice test, President Reagan joked (and this joke became the spark for Presidential Joke Day): "My fellow Americans, I'm pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that would outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes." (Listen to it here.) The Russians had a good laugh over it...right after they carefully put their missiles back in their silos and sucked down a bottle of vodka. Not necessarily in that order.
BRIEF SANITY BREAK
END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
CHEERS to cleaning up after "The war to end all wars." On August 11, 1919, Germany’s Weimar Constitution came into being. It was quite liberal for its time, bestowing more rights than we currently have in this country:
» A German's home is an asylum and is inviolable.
» Persons have the right to be notified within a day of their arrest or detention as to the authority and reasons for their detention and be given the opportunity to object. This is equivalent to the principle of habeas corpus in the common law of England and elsewhere.
» Privacy of correspondence, of mail, telegraph, and telephone are inviolable.
» Germans are entitled to free expression of opinion in word, writing, print, image, etc. This right cannot be obstructed by job contract, nor can exercise of this right create a disadvantage. Censorship is prohibited.
And then Hitler came along and fucked it all up, upon which America's Republican party shouted, "Cut us a slice 'o that!" So Adolf's roadmap became the MAGA roadmap, and here we are. Anyway, it was signed 103 years ago today by President Friedrich Ebert after giving it...two thumbs up.
JEERS to the wilting season. How hot was Portland, Maine last weekend? Hotter than Louie Gohmert's dendrites when he's trying to remember how to tie his shoelaces. Hotter than it is under the collars of all the right-wing crooks who sent texts back and forth with Alex Jones over the last two years and just found out that the Jan. 6 Committee has all of them. Hotter than the classified documents Trump was hoarding at Mar-A-Lago. Hotter than a toaster inside a microwave inside a convection oven dangling over Mount Doom by Louie Gohmert's dendrites when he's trying to remember how to untie his shoelaces. This hot:
The high temperature in Portland reached 96 degrees, breaking the old record for the date of 93 set back in 2001 and matched in 2018.
Achieving such a high temperature in Portland is not easy to do. Normally on a hot summer day, temperatures will be cooler at the coast thanks to ocean influence, but a strong westerly flow brought the hot, humid air all the way to the coast on Sunday.
On the bright side, with all the global warming we're now just a few years away from being able to locally source all the ingredients for coconut cream pie. And that's good eatin'.
Ten years ago in C&J: August 11, 2012
CHEERS to a gentle upward trajectory. President Obama is pulling away—or should I say, "polling away?" Ha Ha Ha!!!!!—from Mitt Moneybags. You can survey the carnage via Kos here. Not hard to figure out why: Obama's a likable guy who's been working under impossible circumstances, while Romney is an unlikable guy who hasn’t been working under any circumstances. Meanwhile, there's also good news in Massachusetts: after languishing a point or two behind Scott Brown for a stretch, Elizabeth Warren is now up by two. Your turn to sweat, Scotty. [2022 Spoiler Alert: She won.]
And just one more…
CHEERS to cleansing your cosmic soul. Heads-up, everyone: the Perseid meteor shower is putting on a display of late-night/early-morning Perseidiousness this week. But don’t expect much razzle-dazzle:
The 2022 Perseids won’t be quite as spectacular as they were in 2021, due to the full moon illuminating the sky. The best time to look for meteors is in the pre-dawn hours. The meteors will peak between August 11-12, according to AMS.
Last year, the moon was just a thin crescent and didn't obscure the view of the meteor shower too badly, but the moon's glow is a continuing concern for skywatchers looking for a clear view. Even though the Perseids are especially bright, moonlight can make viewing a bit tricky.
A typical Perseid meteoroid (which is what they're called while in space) moves at 133,200 mph (214,365 kph) when it hits Earth's atmosphere (and then they are called meteors). Most of the Perseids are tiny, about the size of a sand grain. Almost none of the fragments hit the ground, but if one does, it's called a meteorite.
Everyone agrees that meteor showers are beautiful, unite Americans in a common activity, and make lots of people happy and curious about the universe and the wonders of science. And in other news, to prevent the spread of socialism Republicans announced this morning that they if they re-take the House they plan to introduce a constitutional amendment banning all future meteor showers.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
The D.C. Circuit Court of Appeals on Tuesday ruled that the House Ways and Means Committee can access and splash in Bill in Portland Maine's Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool.