Donald Trump was president of the United States in large part because people distrusted Hillary Clinton’s handling of sensitive government materials. Let that sink in. The same guy who walked around with an unsecured cellphone, blurted out intelligence secrets to top Russian officials in the Oval Office, blew the lid off tightly guarded U.S. technological capabilities on Twitter (because he thought they were cool), and conducted a sensitive briefing on North Korean missile tests in full view of Mar-a-Lago members and their smartphone cameras. And let’s not forget he hoarded hundreds of top secret documents at his house like vintage Boba Fett action figures, refusing to return them for months even after being subpoenaed—that guy won the presidency because people thought he’d be a better steward of our nation’s secrets than a former secretary of state.
Indeed, whatever culpability President Joe Biden holds with respect to his own documents-handling controversy, it’s nothing compared to that of Trump, who might as well have tattooed the nuclear launch codes on one of his kids’ foreheads. (“Password1234” would just barely fit on Eric’s skull, so long as you were allowed to encroach on the portion that hasn’t quite hardened yet.)
But if you’re horrified by all of the above, well, you ain’t heard nothing yet. Because Donald John Trump, America’s redoubtable documents protector, once reportedly advised Rudy Giuliani to take secret government documents home so he’d have more time to work on them. Rudy Effing Giuliani, the top Trump administration cybersecurity expert who permanently got locked out of his iPhone. The leaky-headed lout. The guy who’s basically a Tiny Toons version of Nosferatu. That Rudy Giuliani.
Business Insider:
When I was his lawyer, I mean, there was a period of time I was there like, uh, 10 straight days," Giuliani said on a Sunday episode of the WABC77 radio show, "Uncovering the Truth with Rudy Giuliani & Dr. Maria Ryan."
"I didn't take, listen to this, this is my training on 'top secret:' I didn't take them out of Mar-a-Lago," Giuliani said, describing how he handled the documents.
"He told me, 'Oh, take them home with you,'" Giuliani said of Trump. "I'm not going to take Wilbur Ross' tax returns home with me. I could misplace them!"
Of course not! Imagine if Wilbur Ross’ tax returns got out and one of our sworn enemies discovered that our secretary of commerce was just some rich, self-aggrandizing asshole. That could shake our republic to its foundations.
Giuliani, somewhat oddly, added, “I—you know, I never, ever, ever, ever, ever, knowingly, and I never got caught—but I don't remember ever taking a doc.”
Oh, well, if Rudy Giuliani doesn’t remember it, it must not have happened. Whew. And here I thought his brain was mostly sour mash at this point. Seriously, he’d be lucky if he remembered what he had for breakfast this morning—and whether it was single-malt or blended.
Then again, if we can’t trust America’s mayor, who can we trust? It’s not like he’d be easily compromised or anything. Right?
Check out Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s four-volume Trump-trashing compendium, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.