Act of Masochism or Bravery?
I don’t watch Fox News. You don’t watch Fox news. But this perfectly sane, rational correspondent from The Daily Show did after Trump was indicted, and here’s what we all missed, condensed into less than two minutes...
Good luck in therapy.
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, April 12, 2023
Note: As of today, here in C&J you may no longer say gay. Instead, yell it through a bullhorn and we’ll have no problems. Thank you. —Gov. Billeh
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the start of the NHL playoffs: 5
Days 'til the 2023 Specialty Coffee Expo in Portland, Oregon: 9
Americans polled by Pew Research who say their biggest complaint about the tax system is that corporations and wealthy people don't pay their fair share: 83%
Average credit card interest rate now: 20.92%
Percent of Americans who viewed Trump favorably a week after his indictment, according to a new ABC News/Ipsos poll, down from 29% in the previous poll: 25%
Expected year by which 2/3 of of the cars sold in the U.S. will be electric: 2032
Approximate number of years I've carried this same tube of cherry ChapStik in my pocket: 5
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 186 (including 4 global turmoil events and 1 basket of furry sinners). Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Group photo gets organized…
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JEERS to snubbing the will of the majority. In a C&J poll earlier this year, 51 percent of you chose Atlanta as your preferred site for the 2024 Democratic National Convention. In second place was Chicago at 34 percent and New York City at 16. Taking our flawless wisdom and strategic prowess into maximum consideration, we have a winner and it's of course ATLANTA!!!! If by Atlanta, you mean…
The Democratic Party has chosen Chicago as its 2024 convention, three sources shared with NBC News Tuesday morning. The decision came after deliberations and site visits from Democratic National Committee members. In recent months, the DNC viewed Chicago and Atlanta as the frontrunners, with New York City remaining in the mix.
Inside the DNC, Chicago was viewed as the favorite because of the appeal of its venue---the United Center---and its stock of hotel suites and restaurants, as well as the political and financial force of Gov. J.B. Pritzker, whom DNC members believed would not allow the convention to fail.
The victory of a new Chicago mayor---Brandon Johnson---a 46-year-old Black progressive member of the Cook County Board of Commissioners, who rose to victory despite being outspent in the race, further fueled momentum behind a Chicago bid.
Presumably firing up the Democratic faithful in upper Midwest states like Wisconsin (the MAGA cult's convention is in Milwaukee), Michigan, and Minnesota is viewed as more useful from an electoral college standpoint than Georgia. So Chicago it is. Please hold your applause until the networks call the election for Joe Biden.
CHEERS to the end of our long national nightmare. It's over, folks. Today the Biden administration made it official: thanks to the dedicated work of scientists, health care workers, and an American public dedicated to the healing power of Ivermectin and bleach injections, the devil's virus has been subdued…
President Biden on Monday signed a Republican-authored bill terminating the national emergency over the COVID-19 pandemic, a day before the White House had said the president would unilaterally end national emergency declarations related to the pandemic. […]
The new law immediately ends the national emergency and public health emergency first enacted during the Trump administration and continued through the Biden administration. … The declarations allowed for federal funding to be freed up to cities and states for things like testing and vaccination centers.
Taking one final peek at the tote board of woe, we see that the pandemic resulted in over 106 million cases of Covid in the U.S., and over 1.1 million deaths, among them an entire swath of MAGA cult preachers, politicians, anti-vaxxers, and whatever Herman Cain's title was when he got the 'Rona at a Trump rally. To the rest of you: good job, everyone. Thanks for masking up and getting your Fauci ouchies, and we'll see you on Zoom when the next mystery virus sends us back into lockdown. And to you, China, for your constant lies and cover-ups and refusal to take responsibility for what y'all unleashed: Bless yer hearts.
JEERS to days we'd like to forget. On April 12, 1861, in one of the most tragic mix-ups in American history, Confederate troops accidentally fired cannons loaded with giant lead balls—instead of the "prank" cannons loaded with confetti—at Fort Sumter, thus igniting the Civil War. Northerners...so touchy.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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JEERS to cerebral hemorrhages. They suck. President Franklin Roosevelt died from one 78 years ago Today down in Warm Springs, Georgia. His private Secretary Grace Tully recounts what happened here. A snip:
The shock was unexpected and the actuality of the event was outside belief.
Without a word or a glance toward the others present, I walked into the bedroom, leaned over and kissed the President lightly on the forehead. Then I walked out on the porch and stood wordless and tearless. In my heart were prayers and, finally, in my mind came thoughts, a flood of them drawn from seventeen years of acquaintance, close association and reverent admiration. Through them, one recurred constantly—that the Boss had always shunned emotionalism and that I must, for the immediate present at least, behave in his pattern.
I did, for a matter of hours.
While FDR's generation got a rendezvous with destiny, ours got a rendezvous with a fuckup named Dubya and, eight years later, another fuckup named Dampnut, and we'll be paying for it the rest of our lives—thanks a lot, fate. Now comb your hair and go pay your respects. As always, regards to Eleanor.
JEERS to today's edition of Sure, That'll Work. Courtesy of ABC News:
Democrats on the Senate Judiciary Committee called on U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts on Monday to open an investigation into the undisclosed acceptance of luxury trips taken by Justice Clarence Thomas and his wife that were paid for by a Republican megadonor.
This has been today's edition of Sure, That'll Work.
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Ten years ago in C&J: April 12, 2013
CHEERS to mutts on the mend. Yesterday C&J's new 16-week-old rescue lab-mix puppy Haley got her hoo-ha plumbing removed, and the patient is resting comfortably after taking her handful of morning medications. In fact, she's asking me if she can do a little liveblogging. Sure:
This is so groovy, man. If you wave your paw in the air it paints a rainbow. I mean, seriously, why is the government suppressing our rainbows, man? It's so sad. Also I just want to say that Jerry Garcia lives right here, man—right in this ol' dawg heart 'o mine. Y'know I'd love to give you the peace sign but with paws it just comes off looking like Heil Hitler.
Oh wow, it’s Old Yeller in a Buick Regal. That's gotta be chased. Stay based, peeps.
I think maybe we'll lower the dose.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to U.S. Mint'y freshness. The new American Women Quarter is here! The new American Women Quarter is here! Yes indeed, the latest in the series of U.S. quarters celebrating accomplished American women was released a couple weeks back, and this one comes to you from the great state of Hawaii:
A commemorative quarter featuring a beloved Hawaii icon has been released into circulation. The quarter features Edith Kanaka’ole—a cultural leader, composer and kumu hula.
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The coin shows a portrait of Kanaka’ole with her hair and lei po’o (or head lei) morphing into elements of Hawaii’s landscape—symbolizing her lifelong dedication to preserving Hawaiian land and culture.
On the bottom of the coin reads, “E ho mai ka ‘ike,” which translates to “granting the wisdom.”
Here's "Aunty Edith's" entry at the National Women's History Museum. She’s the second graduate of the Mint's Class of '23. C&J will keep you posted on the next honoree ahead of her arrival. It'll give normal people time to learn more about these trailblazing women, and misogynists time to take their heart medication.
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
"I’ve always known that beauty is deeper than the physical body Bill in Portland Maine is walking around in."
—Halle Berry
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