And We’re Back
I had an exceptional above-the-fold intro planned for this morning—[crosses fingers] really I did [uncrosses fingers]—but my neighbors said because yesterday was Memorial Day and I was being so helpful to everyone, in that Eagle Scout model-of-selflessness way of mine for which I am famous kinda like Colonel Sanders and his chicken, that an intro would not be necessary and we could just hop down below to the meat of the thing.
Suffice it to say the world remains a mixed bag and so far the inhabitants of the Goldilocks planets NASA keeps discovering aren’t answering the doorbell. But at least we can wear white again.
Let us proceed.
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, May 30, 2023
Note: We hope you had a nice Memorial Day weekend. As promised, here are my fresh wounds from the first Jarts tournament of 2023: here….here…here, here and here…oh, and these sixteen here that form a heart shape. Final score, as usual: 0-0.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Independence Day: 35
Days 'til the Georgia Blueberry Festival in Alma: 3
Final Texas House vote to impeach attorney general Ken Paxton: 121-23
Estimated vehicle sales in May, up 21% from last May: 15.3 million
Initial unemployment claims reported last week, below the consensus forecast and still the lowest since 1973: 229,000
Estimated year a tomb recently unearthed by archaeologists near Cairo for a Qadish priest named “Men Kheber” was built: 1400 B.C.
Age of the American Cancer Society as of last week: 110
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Dog 1 Cat 0
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JEERS to the continuing distraction from getting real stuff done. Here's our Tuesday update on the debt ceiling crisis. Despite a deal brokered by President Biden in which he makes all the concessions (though smaller ones than the MAGAs demanded), House and Senate Republicans continue acting like domestic terrorists who have no clue how to govern, are scaring the nation half to death, and should be sent to Gitmo for a few months (minimum) to dry out. Meanwhile the Commission to Study the Feasibility of Appointing a Commission to Study the Commissions That Have Already Been Appointed ran out of Metamucil and disbanded Saturday.
To prove that America can raise money without raising taxes, Lauren Boebert unilaterally put the Capitol rotunda on eBay (serious offers only, please). The rest of the world still thinks we've gone completely insane. Tomorrow: a five year-old comes up with a solution that everyone on both sides finds acceptable, and is immediately sent to bed without supper for interfering in a crisis.
CHEERS to frontier-style justice in the Lone Star Republic, where ain't nothin' in the middle of the road but white stripes and dead armadillos, where they can’t dance, never could sing, and it’s too wet to plow, where they're all gurgle and no guts, where they're all hat and no cattle, where they're so crooked that when they swallow a nail they spit up a corkscrew, where they're slicker than a slop jar, where they could start a fight in an empty house, where they think a seven-course meal is a possum and a six-pack, where they're o
ne bubble off plumb, where it's hot as a pot of neck bones, where there's a big difference between the ox and the whiffletree, where they wouldn't scratch their own mama's fleas, where...um…shoot, lost my train of thought. My point is…
In a historic vote Saturday, the Texas House of Representatives decided to impeach Republican state Attorney General Ken Paxton over allegations of illegal activities related to one of his political donors.
Paxton will immediately and temporarily be suspended from his duties pending a trial in the state Senate.
Huh. They finally nailed the bastard. Why, that's sweeter than an old maid's dream and finer than frog fur.
CHEERS to Ol' Marble Butt. 101 years ago today, on May 30, 1922—eight years after construction began and nine years after the original chocolate one melted—the Lincoln Memorial was dedicated in Washington, and immediately classed up the joint by 800 percent:
Lincoln's statue was sculpted by Daniel Chester French (1850-1931); plaster casts of Lincoln's hands and face were used to make the statue.
The statue is over 3 times actual size; if the statue could stand up, it would be 28 feet tall. The murals were done by Jules Guerin. The 36 Doric columns represent the 36 states of the Union at the time of President Lincoln's death in 1865.
Honest Abe weighs an astonishing 120 tons. Of course it'd be a lot less if you tourists would quit tossing him chili dogs.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to fresh ink. On this date in 1783, the Pennsylvania Evening Post was first published by Benjamin Towne in Philadelphia, PA as the first daily paper in the U.S. Coincidentally, it's also the 240th anniversary of the first "hint" from Heloise. (To this day we still rely on sprigs of lavender to deodorize ye olde chamberpot.)
CHEERS to today's edition of Here, Dmitry, Use My Handcuffs. Courtesy of ABC News:
Russia's Interior Ministry on Monday issued an arrest warrant for U.S. Sen. Lindsey Graham following his comments related to the fighting in Ukraine.
This has been today's edition of Here, Dmitry, Use My Handcuffs.
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Ten years ago in C&J: May 30, 2013
CHEERS to Sunday morning fodder served up cold. I don’t know how or why, but Politico is considered sacred catnip for those living inside the D.C. beltway bubble. So it was fun yesterday to watch tongues a' waggin' over the PolitiFact (another beltway orgasm producer) study Politico posted showing that Republicans have a sociopathic addiction to lying. Or as Republicans call it: the study showing that Democrats have a sociopathic addiction to lying.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to two decades of pure domestic bliss (minus the wanting-to-rip-each-other's-throats-out parts). On May 30, 1993, my partner Michael—aka Common Sense Mainer here at DKos—and I ended up as Euchre (a midwest card game) partners at the local gay bar called Bambi's in Saginaw, Michigan. Then a bunch of stuff happened and yadda yadda yadda (don’t get me wrong, I mean the good kind of yadda) and long story short here we are on May 30, 2023 in Portland Maine, still together and speaking to each other on our 30th anniversary. Our gift-giving was a bit problematic this morning, though. Michael sold his pocket watch to buy me hair brushes, and I sold my hair so I could buy him a watch fob. Thirtieth fucking year in a row that's happened. I swear, next year he's getting Yahtzee.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
"Cheers and Jeers is all cliché, followed by painful cringe and then rounded out by dumbfounded confusion."
—Kelly Lawler, USA Today
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