Point of Inquiry, Your Billyness
I've cleared it with DK, Inc.—aka the sprawling industry known as Big Kos—to make tonight's C&J a rare front-page event known as "Ask Me Anything."
I assure you I'm highly unprepared to unleash a mighty trickle of knowledge and wisdom upon you by answering any questions you might have about anything. Home repair, food, relationships, going Galt, mutant creatures living under your house, blogger etiquette, molecular biology, THE LAW...I know almost everything about making stuff up about anything, and tonight I'm willing to prove it. One small caveat: I don't know a thing about what's going on at this web site.
Keep in mind that the longer the evening wears on, the less coherent my answers will be. So please allow those with urgent medical needs and/or dinner plans to go first. Thank you.
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, September 1, 2023
Note: Just a heads-up—there will be no C&J on Labor Day, so you'll have to cobble your own together out of Spam, discarded top-secret documents, and tinfoil. Please submit complaints to the proper authorities. Or just think them in your head and the NSA will use the latest wireless nanobot technology to transmit them to the proper authorities free of charge, minus a small $500 courtesy fee. —Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the impeachment hearings against suspended TX Attorney General Ken Paxton begin: 4
Days 'til the Farm-to-Fork Festival in Sacramento, California: 6
Estimated number of Americans on Medicare who will save roughly $500 or more a year thanks to the $35 insulin cap: 1.5 million
Number of Americans on the Obamacare exchanges who are saving around $800 a year thanks to tax subsidies in Joe Biden's Inflation Reduction Act: 13 million
Date of the first Labor Day holiday in the U.S.: 9/5/1882
Age group for which union membership is highest: 45-54
Percent of Americans who say they plan to BBQ this weekend: 61%
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Weekend plans…
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CHEERS to September. Hold on to your corsets and your straw hats, this month is busy busy, busy. A day after we pack away our whites on Labor Day, Congress straggles back to work just in time for Republicans to shut the place down in a hissy fit over the budget. (Though somehow they'll manage to squeeze in an impeachment inquiry over Joe Biden's inexcusable crime of being competent.)
The kids—aka cannon fodder for lunatics with unfettered access to guns—are back in school and, for reasons no one can explain, they're not allowed to say "gay" or read books. It's also Hunger Action Month, Cat Month, Suicide Prevention Month, Sewing Month, and Let's Watch Putin Step On More Garden Rakes In Ukraine Month. Speaking of stepping on rakes, the 45th president and his co-conspirators will continue denying any wrongdoing as they juggle court dates and, like all innocent Americans, call for their followers to launch Civil War 2.0 which they will armchair-quarterback via social media from the Jacuzzis in their gated pleasure compounds.
The 9/11 terrorist attacks that Bush II could’ve prevented if he’d read his PDBs turns 22. (Kids, ask your parents.) Shoppers jam online stores looking for the perfect Autumnal Equinox and Mexican Independence Day gifts. ("A pair of socks? You shouldn’t have.") New England gets insanely beautiful as summer turns to fall. Rosh Hashanah starts on the 15th and Yom Kippur on the 24th. A full harvest moon happens on the 29th, but not before the OSIRIS-REx mission returns samples from asteroid Bennu on the 24th. (Spoiler alert: it’s just candy corn.) But no Emmy Awards this month because of the various ongoing strikes. Oh, and this is fun: we've just concluded our second full year since 2001 when we haven’t been at war. (But if you keep giving us side-eye like that, France, we’re comin’ for ya.)
CHEERS to the workin' stiffs. Monday is Labor Day, and the fine folks at CNBC got all you barge-toters and bale-lifters something nice to mark the occasion: good news about how the labor movement is back on the march and making a comeback. The upshot:
Emboldened in the wake of shifting job security and grueling conditions during the Covid-19 pandemic, skyrocketing company profits, inflation, a decades-high approval rating for labor unions and growing disparity between worker pay and executive compensation, more workers across industries have taken a hard stance against companies for dramatic improvements in compensation and working conditions. […]
More than 320,000 workers have participated in at least 230 strikes so far this year, according to data from the Cornell University School of Industrial and Labor Relations. That’s already higher than the roughly 224,000 workers who participated in roughly 420 strikes in 2022, due in large part to tens of thousands of striking workers with the Screen Actors Guild–American Federation of Television and Radio Artists and Writers Guild of America. […]
The actions have led to more organizing efforts and greater support by Americans for organized labor. Gallup reports 71% of Americans approved of labor unions in 2022—the highest since 1965.
And to all the right-wing crabbypantses who deride unions but belong to them anyway and love the benefits they get from them (though they’ll never admit it): you're welcome.
JEERS to the War to End All Wars to End All Wars. 84 years ago today, on September 1, 1939, Hitler invaded Poland and started World War II. The U.S. wouldn’t officially enter the fray for another two years, but when we did we kicked Fuhrer butt. Today we salute all our veterans who fought the real Axis of Evil...and also a special Luftwaffe vet who unwittingly helped shorten the war by months:
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Hey, I have an idea. Let's not do it again, shall we?
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to the happiest ending...evuh! On Sunday’s date in 1783, our War of Independence ended when a treaty was signed by Great Britain and the United States:
It was signed in Paris by Benjamin Franklin, John Adams, and John Jay.
Under the terms of the treaty, Britain recognized the independent nation of the United States of America.
Britain agreed to remove all of its troops from the new nation. The treaty also set new borders for the United States, including all land from the Great Lakes on the north to Florida on the south, and from the Atlantic Ocean to the Mississippi River. ...The United States also agreed not to persecute loyalists still in America and allow those that left America to return.
Afterward, the founding fathers got together in a circle, held hands, and recited the Pledge of Allegiance. And then Jesus rode in on a dinosaur with news he had just finished digging the Grand Canyon. The things you learn on Conservapedia these days…
CHEERS to home vegetation. Now that September is here and Maine is snowed in until next June (28 inches last night!), the TV is in complete control of our lives.
Unfortunately there's not much on this weekend, now that the 24-hour Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon has been ripped from the fabric of society like a strip of cheap Velcro. (When I worked at a Saginaw, Michigan radio station in the late 80s, we always volunteered to helm the MDA phones at night, and it was a little eerie doing it in a huge empty mall at 2am. They sprung for some good chow, though. But the zombies were obnoxious.)
The most popular movies and streamers home videos, new and old, are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. You can check out the WNBA schedule here, while the baseball lineup is here, starring the Boston Red Sox who have won so many World Series that everyone has lost count, believe me.
On 60 Minutes: U.S. and EU investigators go after evil Russian oligarchs in Cyprus, and a profile of artist Jeff Koons. Other than that, the TV sphere is a barren wasteland and if you choose to wade into it, may god help you. Now here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: Commerce Secretary Gina Raimondo; Gov. Chris Sununu (MAGA-NH).
CNN's State of the Union: Commerce Secretary Gina Raimondo; Sen. Mike Rounds (MAGA-SD).
This Week: Senator Tim Kaine (D-VA); profoundly damaged grifter and not-gonna-be-president Vivek Ramaswamy (MAGA).
Face the Nation: Bernie!!! Plus: Gina Raimondo; former Obama and Biden adviser Ashlet Etienne; former Gov. Larry Hogan (R-MD); not-gonna-be-president Nikki Haley (MAGA).
Fox MAGA Talking Points Sunday: Council of Economic Advisers chair Jared Bernstein; Mike Pence (MAGA, but sad because MAGA won’t let him in their MAGA club.).
Happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C&J: September 1, 2013
CHEERS to the light at the end of the tunnel that's actually light and not a raging wildfire. The infernos threatening Yosemite National Park (no one knows how they got started but I bet it was that Wilkerson kid down the block) are now around 60 percent contained, and experts say it should be under control by September 20th. Once the flames are out, they'll cool down the entire area by airlifting Dick Cheney into stare at it for a few minutes.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to cool science. When all the death, doom and destruction get to be too much, there's always one place I can count on to restore my faith in humanity. I'm speaking of course about Dairy Queen. But when they're closed the next-best place is, of course, NASA, a jewel in the federal government's crown and an agency worth every tax dollar we send its way. If you happen to live under a sky, here's a preview of what you'll be seeing this month, courtesy of NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory:
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Remember this important lesson: In space nobody can hear you scream. So make sure your texting device is fully charged so you can at least successfully type Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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