Let’s Check the DK Ukraine Relief Tote Board
As we do every few weeks or so, let’s check in on the Daily Kos relief fund for the Ukrainian civilians—and their furry friends—affected by Russia’s daily war crimes. As of this morning, you’ve contributed:
$3,481,471.30
If you'd like to support the four chosen groups—the World Central Kitchen, AmeriCares, Razom for Ukraine, and the International Fund for Animal Welfare—click here and ActBlue will guide you through the rest.
Despite the perpetual whining of the armchair generals, Ukraine’s military continues sticking to the plan, making progress with creativity, tenacity, and a kind of get-off-my-lawnism that Putin’s goons will never figure out how to overcome. Many thanks for your continued support of the civilians keeping things as normal as possible on the home front. It all helps.
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, September 12, 2023
Note: Our food service vendor has informed us that the yogurt served in the C&J cafeteria yesterday contained live active cultures that, instead of aiding digestive health, actually cause painful facial disfigurement and a significant loss in monthly revenue. We regret the inconvenience.
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By the Numbers:
5 days!!!
Days 'til the start of Rosh Hashanah: 3
Days 'til the annual Wild Rice Festival in Roseville, Minnesota: 5
Rate of apartment rent increases in August 2022: 11%
Rate of apartment rent increases in August of 2023: 0.28%
Number of millionaires and large business partnerships, respectively, being pursued by the IRS for past-due taxes: 1,600 / 75
Percent of their income the top 1% of U.S. earners failed to report in 2021, according to IRS researchers: 20%
Date on which my evil twin came out of the shadows and wrote a GBCW diary: 9/12/13
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Nemo helps Tiny Tim…
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JEERS to reapin' what ye sowed. We knew this shit was goin' down—knew it for many decades—and the people in charge just kept looking the other way. And here we are, living now on what feels like a different and dystopian planet that has just begun taking its revenge on us. The bill is literally coming due and humanity's gonna pay:
With four months still left in the year, the US has been hit with 23 disasters that each cost at least $1 billion, according to new data from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, surpassing the previous annual record of 22 events in 2020.
Meanwhile, hurricane Lee is getting too close to C&J HQ for comfort.
This year’s billion-dollar disasters have caused 253 direct and indirect fatalities and have resulted in $57.6 billion in damage, NOAA data shows. That price tag does not yet include Hurricane Idalia. […]
The impact of extreme weather is being amplified by decisions to build and rebuild in high-risk areas, and the events themselves are being supercharged by the climate crisis, said Rachel Cleetus, a policy director at the Union of Concerned Scientists. “These record-breaking and sobering numbers are the latest confirmation of a worsening trend in costly disasters, many of which bear the fingerprints of climate change,” Cleetus told CNN.
Anyone think this is gonna get better in our lifetimes? Me neither. But on the bright side, [Insert bright side here once one is found]. So go on out there and have a super duper day!
CHEERS to another feisty day in The Lege. Here's a partial transcript as yesterday's impeachment hearing for disgraced Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, who is being charged with all kinds of crimey business, entered its second week:
"He's all hat and no cattle!"
"Oh yeah? Well you ain't got the sense of a Sugar Land armadillo that fell down a well full o’ scorpions!"
"Oh yeah? I got six slugs in mah six-shooter that says you're fulla beans in a skillet over a campfire that got stamped out by a herd o' cattle in a rainstorm!"
Due to the sensitive nature of the hearings, additional security has been called in.
"Oh yeah? Y'all couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn built outta planks cut up in a Nerf sawmill!"
"Oh yeah? This ain't my first rodeo outta the gate while it's rainin' frogs in a dust storm in the panhandle!"
"Oh yeah? Remember the Alamo!"
"Oh yeah? You remember the Alamo! I'll remember faith and freedom and your mama, with whom I had sex last night with mah boots on!"
"Oh yeah? Why, you couldn't lasso your tallywacker if I gave ya a hundred tries!"
"Y'all!"
"Y'all y'all barbeque!"
[Plaster rains from the ceiling as all the legislators start shooting their guns in the air]
The hearings continue this morning. As a special treat, the attendees will be treated to a buffet of ribs and fracking fluid.
JEERS to the human snot rag. Lest we forget, a 12 years ago this week Newton Leroy Gingrich put on a display of the class and charm that makes him one of America's most admired leaders since, oh, the First of Never. See if you can detect the subtle undertones in his pronouncement...
"What if [President Obama] is so outside our comprehension, that only if you understand Kenyan, anti-colonial behavior, can you begin to piece together [his actions]?" Gingrich asks.
Newt Gingrich: giant asshole since 1943.
"This is a person who is fundamentally out of touch with how the world works, who happened to have played a wonderful con, as a result of which he is now president," Gingrich tells us.
I'm still shocked that Trump didn’t make Newt his Secretary of Racism. Such a natural. Then again, I understand why he didn’t—he would’ve made Stephen Miller jealous.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to that little nip in the air. I'm told that fall is on our doorstep (11 days and counting, not that we're counting), although it's a bit hard to believe after last week's 80-plus days (145 with the heat-index thrown in) melted our collective brains and popsicles.
“Soon, my children. Soon.”
But, no matter—the future-tellers from the 229-year-old Old Farmer's Almanac trotted out their latest meteorological predictions this month. Having read the moss on the bark, the fuzz on the caterpillars, the chicken bones in the wooden bowl, and the sound of our neighbor Mrs. McGillicutty's creaky knee on her front porch, the old farmer predicts that the entire country will have a winter season starting two-thirds of the way through December and ending roughly ten days before the end of March. I'm as skeptical as anyone, but they’re the experts.
CHEERS to the new talkie machine on the block. For just $799—plus tax, title, licensing fee, twenty-year wireless contract, first-born child, and $50 extra for rust-proofing and mud flaps—you can have an iPhone 15 of your very own. The latest model gets unveiled today by executives in turtlenecks taking turns walking around a stage muttering, "Hmm, that's weird—it worked fine in rehearsal" to wild distorted cheers and applause from their millions of fans. Here are some exciting features in the new model:
» 34xT569yu to replace the 34xT569yt
» 56907bit656789
» Ice cream maker
Exclusive look at the iPhone 15, debuting today.
» Hurricane shifter
» fRPohtRtEty technology
» 18 cameras with free starter pack of flash bulbs
» Fully dockable with the International Space Station
» Bionic arm that can whip a peach pit with 100% accuracy from 80 yards
» Optional 23iTT59097 pack to enhance the 34xT569yu (But don’t use it to enhance your 5675jg77 or the room's gonna get real smoky real fast.)
» Butt-ID unlocking feature
» Manufactured with new and improved Chinese child labor
» Tim Cook will have a drone come to your house and deliver a pot pie he made himself with his own two hands and lots of love
Sadly, no room in it for a phone.
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Ten years ago in C&J: September 12, 2013
JEERS to the return of the nasty people. After loading up on vegemite sandwiches and traveling to the polls in a fried-out Kombi, Australians voted for whatever they vote for over there. (Probably a kangaroo court—ha ha!) Now they have a new leader, and I'm sure you want to know, "Who can it be now?" Sadly it's a conservative. So get ready for nice and sensible things to be taken away from you, Down Underers. Because if it's one thing we all know, no matter what hemisphere you're in, conservatives always like to move in a counterclockwise direction.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to making your mark making your mark making your mark. Sad news from across the pond, as one of the most interesting scientists ever to walk the planet has passed on:
Ian Wilmut, the cloning pioneer whose work was critical to the creation of Dolly the Sheep in 1996, has died, the University of Edinburgh in Scotland said Monday. He was 79.
Wilmut set off a global discussion about the ethics of cloning when he announced that his team at the university’s Roslin Institute for animal biosciences had cloned Dolly using the nucleus of a cell from an adult sheep.
It marked the first time that a genetically identical mammal was created from an adult cell and spurred questions about the potential cloning of humans.
C&J sends our condolences to his extended family members Ian Wilmut, Ian Wilmut, Ian Wilmut, Ian Wilmut, Ian Wilmut, and Ian Wilmut.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
CNN Reports ‘Cheering and Chanting’ For Bill in Portland Maine—Despite BiPM Being Jeered in the Kiddie Pool By His Own Boosters
—Mediaite
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