There are four reasons I'm not a Democrat: Marijuana Policy, Cuba Policy, Prostitution and Abortion. On these things I disagree with the Democrats. I disagree with the Republicans on many more things.
I know it is jarring for a liberal to say he is pro-life, but read my story first.
In 1996, I was pursuing an M.A. in Southern Studies at the University of Mississippi (I know what you're thinking about Ole Miss, but I met my future wife and mother of my child at a young Democrats meeting to watch the keynote address of the DNC and we first kissed the night Bill Clinton won reelection.).
We got pregnant over spring break.
I was a wreck. Though I was studying in a very liberal program firmly entrenched within the realm of the culturally elite (one of my professors later was named by Clinton to be Director of the National Endowment for the Humanities), there were still very strong social mores and expectations for behavior in polite society (I'll circle around to this in a second). In other words, a grad student didn't just get an undergrad pregnant out of wedlock.
Sally and I talked and drove and walked and fretted, trying to decide what to do. I sai, "If it were me, I'd just it out of me." She proceeded to tell me a story about a friend of hers whose parents had nearly aborted her and how this girl had given thanks at her 12th birthday party that they had given her the chance to live. How could I argue with that? I was weak, she was strong.
We were married in an expedient, though not shotgun wedding.
The pregnancy was difficult. Sally had violent morning sickness throughout and had to be hospitalized once for dehydration. More than once I offered termination of the pregnancy if it got to difficult. Sally persisted. I didn't fully understand the situation, yet. We had a condescending doctor, an incompetent doctor, and an aloof doctor. We worked minimum wage jobs and I worked on my thesis. We navigated the maze of medicare. I eventually came to be as fully invested in my child growing in my wife's womb as she was. Our families were both very supportive. Even now, without that support, I can't imagine how difficult it would be to carry an unwanted child to term, not just psychologically, but logistically, as well.
Sally and I are no longer together, but we have a beautiful 7-year-old who has made the thought of living without him inconceivable.
At the beginning of this piece, I talked about the four reasons I am not a Democrat. The first three, Marijuana, Cuba, and Prostitution are things I don't have the rmotest interest in (save maybe a trip to Cuba every now an then), but I certainly don't have any reason to expect that other people shouldn't be allowed to sell or smoke marijauna, visit Cuba, or become or solicit a prostitute. However, having been a candidate to have an abortion, I can honestly say that I have applied the categorical imperative and don't really have a problem with seeing the rest of humanity made to act the way I acted. It isn't hard for me to see why the religious right has been able to bludgeon Democrats with this issue. Their self righteous shrillness is the only thing holding them back.
So, what should the Democratic party do? First, I'd like to see someone, from either party, agonize over this decision as I have. Both sides use the fetus as a pawn in the culture war rather than treating it as a person. If our leaders were to say, "Abortion is horrible and barbaric, but right now, it's the best option we have," I'd feel a lot better than I do when a candidate glibly defends a "woman's right to choose." Euphemism and sound bites are not appropriate when dealing with this issue. Democrats need to demand the Republicans give an alternative. If we outlaw it whole sale, young women and fetuses will die in back alleys.
I don't think our nation is ready to outlaw abortion. I don't know if it will ever be ready. There has to be an outpouring of compassion when this happens and an understanding that kids (and young adults) will make stupid decisions, but, with better information like comprehensive sex ed from an early age, they can make better ones. Kids who know how to use birth control won't have to substitute abortion.
Polite society and not so polite society needs to find ways to deal with this better. How can we decry teen pregnancy and abortion in the same breath? It seems to me that the taboo doesn't keep teen pregnancy from happening so much as it makes it worse when it does happen.
Democrats should demand increased infrastructure to deal with the children born as a result of fewer abortions. Until we are willing to provide every advantage so a fetus's full human potential can be reached, we are disrespecting life.
Speaking of disrespecting life, if we outlaw abortion now, it would'nt take long before the first child who was saved from abortion received the death penalty. Democrats must be more forceful on this issue.
Once those guarantees have been made, take it out of the courts. Let the states decide. Refuse to allow a federal law prohibiting abortion. If the federal government has no authority to protect abortion, it has no authority to outlaw it, either. Let the states decide and turn the vast amounts of money used to protect abortion go to outreach and prevention as well as occasional airfare from Mississippi to California when there is a need for it to be done.
There is no easy answer. We need to stop pretending that there are only two possible ones.