I'd apologize in advance for the numerous grammatical errors in this post, but after having watched the linked video...you'd realize it doesn't matter anymore. We're all journalists now! HAHA!! So you went to journalism school for four years - PUNKED! So you spent decades in bloody war zones expecting at any moment to have your head blown off in pursuit of that one great story - PUNKED!!! Read on.
If I were a billionaire, I would - right this instant - foot the bill for an all-expenses paid trip this weekend for every "journalist" in this country to visit with me in a hall at the end of a three-day billable bacchanal, and I would play them this clip, cued up to 07:45 into the video: http://movies.ziaspace.com.nyud.net:8090/NPC_Gannon.wmv
In the brief segment that follows, Jimmy/Jeff holds up his "visual aid" - a GREEN map of the united states - to the panel. "Why green", you ask? Well, green because while he was printing out his little map to show how conservative the U.S. was leaning in the last election, he RAN OUT OF RED INK IN HIS INK-JET PRINTER!!!!! After they viewed this brief segment, I would point to the undoubtedly glazed-over orbs of said "journalists" and I'd say, "THIS IS THE STATE OF JOURNALISM IN THIS COUNTRY TODAY!!!! THAT A SELF-AGGRANDIZING, MAN-WHORE PLAGIARIST - WHO APPARENTLY THINKS HE'S ONE MAGENTA CARTRIDGE SHORT OF A PULITZER - CAN CALL HIMSELF A JOURNALIST, AND HE
ISN'T INSTANTANEOUSLY RAILROADED OUT OF THE BUILDING ON HIS 8-INCH (CUT) GOP'ER-CORNHOLIN' COCK!!!!
NATIONAL PRESS CLUB? How do I join? What cereal box should I be digging in for my secret "journalist" decoder ring?
I'm sorry people, but this is too much! I can't take it anymore. I am now living in a WORLD "so completely divorced from reality" that it doesn't even allow weekend visits anymore. I'm a latch-key realist now. I feel like I'm on my own. How did this happen? Can they ever get back together????
Reality and my world aren't even talking anymore!!!
In between typing these words, I've been screaming into my pillow for the past 2 hours. Although I'm sure that'd get Jimmy/Jeff all hot and bothered, I'm doing this so as to not startle my neighbors in the next apartment. My girlfriend thinks I'm over-reacting, but...but...I'M THE ONE WITH A COMPLETELY NEW, FULL-COLOR INK CARTRIDGE!!!!!
WHERE'S MY PRESS BADGE???? I HAVE A VOICE...AND MAGENTA INK!!!!!
I'm out of breath; probably broke a blood-vessel or two. Must sleep now....the rest of you...watch the video and tell me I'm NOT insane!
Tell me things will get better. Tell me Reality will send me a care package, and once again embrace my world...or at least stop calling and hanging up!
mrC
More discussion about Gannon's Green America: Here
