You know something? You don't get to attend your own funeral. Any funeral you go to is, by definition, never, ever,
about you. It's always
about the person who died. Period, dot.
There were, roughly, 10,000 people in attendance at Mrs. King's funeral. Her funerary church was filled pretty much to capacity. But just who is it who comes to funerals, anyway? I'll tell you who comes. Family, friends, admirers, and people who come to pay their respects, in precisely that order of importance. So, who was there at the funeral of Mrs. Coretta Scott King? And why are the Republicans complaining?
Who came to Mrs. King's funeral? Mrs. King's family was there: her daughters Yolanda Denise King, and the Rev. Bernice Albertine King. Her sons were there, Martin Luther King III, and Dexter Scott King. Her sister, Edythe Bagley, and her brother, Obie Scott, were there. Genuine mourners, all. In the truest sense, they were there for a
funeral. They will actively grieve the passing of their mother and sister.
Her closest friends were there. Lynn Cothren, an openly gay activist, who for 23 years served as Mrs. King's special assistant. Dorothy Height, chairwoman of the National Council of Negro Women, who met Mrs. King at a Freedom Concert some 40 years ago. The Rev. Joseph Lowery was there -- he co-founded the Southern Christian Leadership Conference along with Dr. and Mrs. King. Democratic Representative John Lewis of Georgia was there; he knew the Kings intimately, as head of the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee. The Rev. Jesse Jackson, was there, a man who worked with the Kings, marched with them, and quite literally was standing by Dr. King's side at the very moment King was shot to death. Like family, these are genuine mourners. They are in grief over the passing of their friend.
Then, there were the admirers. Among the many, many admirers were former President Bill Clinton, who personally invited Mrs. King to be a guest of, and witness to, the meeting between Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin and PLO Chairman Yassir Arafat at the signing of the Middle East Peace Accords, a watershed in the peace movement. Sen. Teddy Kennedy, who stood by Mrs. King at the very first celebration of the MLK holiday on Jan. 20, 1986 at Ebenezer Baptist Church, came to her funeral. And President Jimmy Carter came. He has spent years working for civil and human rights.
Nobody expects the admirers at a funeral to be grief-stricken. But they are the backbone of the celebratory part of funerals, especially at large funerals. They have enough emotional distance from the death that they are not unduly burdened by having to remember and to speak. In many, many funerals, it's not the immediate family, nor the very closest friends, but rather, the admirers who are the fluent and funny ones; they're the ones who can give the salty, the down-to-earth, the irreverent eulogic touches that humanize the dead and truly comfort the closest survivors.
Whatever else they do, the admirers at a funeral are there to enflesh the person who died. The job of admirers at a funeral is to bring the person back to life. Their job is to draw a connective thread from the death of a particular individual, to the lives of those who survive. If the deceased was a jokester, the admirers will repeat his jokes, both the kind that everyone there heard, and the ones people might not know. If the deceased was a cook, the admirers will recall the fallen souffles, the burnt roasts, and the spectacular desserts, both the memorable meals at which everyone was present, and the ones that the mourners might not have shared. If the deceased was a musician, the admirers will play his songs, both the songs that made the Top 40, and the ones that were never recorded. And if the deceased was a political activist, the admirers will recall the themes of that activism, the struggles, the disappointments, the triumphs, and the work that remains to be done. Mrs. King had lots of admirers.
Finally, there are those who show up just to pay their respects. The particular person who died often is not even the point of their attendance. People who show up to pay their respects are typically from the outermost circle of friends of the family, or they're workplace colleagues of a survivor, or they're people who have no direct connection to the family, but who are putting in an appearance because appearances matter, or because it's the decent thing to do, or because it's important to themselves, for whatever reason, to be seen. President and Mrs. Bush fall into this category, as do most of the contingent of politicians who showed up but were not asked to speak.
Now, in the wake of Mrs. King's funeral service, the Republicans and right-wing influenced MSM are complaining because people who came just to put in an appearance -- at a funeral, no less -- might have been offended by what they heard there! They are offended for President Bush as though Mrs. King's funeral was about President Bush! They are offended about mention of Katrina's wake as though her funeral was about Heckuva Job Brownie! They are offended about mention of the FBI's illegal spying on Dr. and Mrs. King as though mentioning the important events of the life of the deceased was, somehow, impolite! They are offended that allies of the deceased honored their alliance! They are offended that genuine affection for the deceased was given precedence over the feelings of people who showed up at the funeral of a person they didn't particularly know or didn't particularly like, which is, to put it bluntly, precisely what "making an appearance" is.
President and Mrs. Bush made an appearance at Mrs. King's funeral. Let me emphasize that again. President and Mrs. Bush made an appearance at Mrs. King's funeral. The funeral was not for the Bushes, it was not about the Bushes, and -- as hard as it is for Presidential egos to fathom -- the comments there were not directed at the Bushes. Those comments were for the family, friends, and admirers, in that order, just like at any other funeral. The 9,900 people at the funeral who actually loved, knew, or admired Mrs. King, were the ones who actually liked the so-called "offensive comments! They clapped. They laughed. They remembered. They were inspired.
Mrs. King's funeral was not about the Bushes. If the Republicans can't get that simple point, then the problem is not with the funeral or those who spoke there. The problem is that the complainers lack humility about the fact that they were not the center of attention, they lack compassion towards the survivors who were at the center of attention, and they lack the basic social graces to tell the two groups apart.
Hey, Republicans! You want a funeral you know you'll enjoy? Keep feeding Cheney trans-fatty acids. And leave the rest of us alone.