Every Christmas, the post office recieves many letters addressed only to "Santa Claus." These letters are placed in the "dead letter" room, where millions of letters that will never be delivered are stored.
The following letter was found in that room, but was not for Santa...
A LETTER TO IRAQ, FROM AMERICA
Dear Iraq. Hi! How are you? I'm fine. It's me, America. Remember me? Yeah...a long time ago I supported Saddam Hussein. I authorized U.S. companies to send Saddam the precursors for biological and chemical weapons to use against Iran. Here, maybe this will jog your memory:
Recognize that guy?? That's current Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld being chummy with the butcher of Baghdad.
There, now do you remember? Then, if you remember, a little later on, after we helped build you guys up as a major military power, you invaded Kuwait.
Kuwait?? Come on guys. Why did you have to do that?
Well, you remember what happened after that!!!
Desert Storm!! Man, you guys must've been pissed!
Remember how our "smart bombs" blew up all kinds of buildings that were essential to your civil infrastructure? Your water purification and sewage treatment plants?
This kid remembers!!!
By the way, he died. Along with 500,000 other children over the course of a decade. Because of our sanctions. They got sick from the bad water and lack of appropriate medicines, due to the economic sanctions we were imposing on your country. Sorry bout that one.
Well, fast forward to the new millenium! Things had almost returned to a sense of normalcy! Then...
Oh Crap. 9/11.
Look...I know you guys had nothing to do with 9/11. But it didn't matter. See...let me explain something about Americans. We're kind of spoiled.
You see, we are not used to terrorism and war and explosions and bad stuff like that! You probably grew up with that, but not us. So when it happened to us, we FREAKED out!!!
We got sad...
And we got angry...
Suddenly, America became a very different place. Freedoms started disappearing!! It was suddenly considered unpatriotic not to follow blindly in whatever actions your country was taking!! Everyone was on the USA bandwagon!!
Perhaps maybe we should've taken a step back. Who perpetrated this act? Al-Qaeda? Osama? Didn't the Reagan administration help to create the Mujahdeen, which eventually spawned the Taliban, which eventually spawned Al-Qaeda? Well...that's for another time.
We can't think of things like that right now. We need REVENGE! NOW!
Quick, immediate revenge! It's the American way! We must bomb brown people!
So we invaded your neighbors, Afghanistan.
But that was not enough. Unfortunately for you, the White House was filled with many radical neo-conservatives, who had been planning an invasion of Iraq for a long, long time. And 9/11 was their opportunity!! The whole country would blindly follow anything, no matter how completely fucking retarded or nonsensical!!
"Saddam is a threat!! He has weapons of mass destruction! Remember, the rape rooms? The torture chambers? Gassing the kurds? He's a bad guy, he's gotta go!!" (Most of these atrocities were committed thanks to our support, by the way! oops sorry)
So then, in March of 2003...well I'm sure you remember.
She remembers!!
Well we came, we saw, we conquered!
But then...we couldn't find those pesky weapons of mass destruction.
So now what...um...what's the plan here? hmm...uhmm..err
Wait a second!
We didn't find any WMD, but guess what? You are free now!
You are liberated from the evil clutches of Saddam!
We are going to build a democracy!!
It will be fun, come on guys!!
Seriously sorry about building up Saddam, and killing all those kids with the sanctions. And for the tens of thousands of innocent people we have accidently killed during our time here.
You don't mind if we hang out here for a few years?
Forgive and forget, right? Right??
Ow. Stop shooting at us!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING??
Why are you guys so angry??!!
What is this??? CIVIL WAR??? Why can't you guys just get along?
WHY??? We just want to bring you freedom!
FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aw fuck it. We're leaving. Ungrateful bastards.
Sincerely, America
P.S. Were gonna keep the oil. It's the least we should get for liberating you.