We're doing very well considering I've been out of work for year now, as of April 6th. It was an odd anniversary, solemn yet sobering. I know that we are lucky to still have our home, to have food and to have many things people are struggling to keep a hold of like health care and their peace of mind.
And yet the past month has still be a struggle for me to keep my spirits up knowing that I'm one of the lucky ones. I was served papers from a credit card lawyer, one of those firms that probably bought my debt from Capital One for a fourth of what was owed. They bought my shame and are now suing me for blood. At least it feels that way.
So we have a house that's worth $150,000 less than what we paid for it, but we're current on both mortgages. Gary has student loans, we've put those in forbearance and everything else is up to date.
But the credit cards, those were a pain and I went a couple of different routes with them, lamely and made, as I would tell my six year old, bad choices. But the ultimate goal was to PAY THEM OFF.
I've managed to make deals with the other credit cards, nice ones, low percentage rates with regular monthly payments. No surprises but it's going to be hard. Every time I think of it all, my stomach turns.
But then I get this guy on the my front porch, I'm being served. I owe $3,500 and I'm being taken to court for it.
Breathe Heather. It can't be that bad.
Oh it is. I tried calling. They want over $900 of it up front and at minimum $300 a month.
Oh yah, I got that hanging around. It probably wouldn't be so much of an issue if I didn't have the most awesome rescue dog who needs surgery. I've been saving up for Kona's surgery for a couple of months now (and trying to find a vet who would do it for less than the $1,600 we were quoted as well as help from the rescue who gave us a dog that wasn't FIXED and didn't tell us). We got a refund on our taxes. We had to catch up on some bills, I splurged to pay for Netroots Nation as a student (Yes, might as well take classes while I look for work, I'm taking environmental classes at the local Community College), we're delegates and felt it was our duty to go the California Democratic Convention.
We're paying back my family from when the furnace died and my poor bones couldn't take the cold.
The Garage door opener broke, our sprinkler system has been kaput for a while now. We got a letter from the HOA that our lawn wasn't green enough (It's a drought people in CALIFORNIA), you name it, it's been pouring. I still have a crack in my windshield of my car. That can wait.
We'd planned what we would spend this money on and then have some to save for the summer. Gary's Community College cut summer sessions in half meaning he's going to get half his pay, the bulk of what's keeping us afloat. That's bad. The summer is going to be the worst yet for us. But we will make it through this too, this too shall pass.
But how could I promise to make payments like this if I wasn't even sure I could?
And then I find out on top of it I have to pay a $200 filing fee for the courts to respond to their summons.
And I'm thinking, why can't they work with me? Really? They refuse to budge on this and I can't sleep at night.
And I keep telling myself, but we're one of the lucky ones. Sure, Bank of America won't modify our loan because we don't qualify for hope but hey, we still have it.
And yes, so, I have chronic health issues, Fibromyalgia and Rheumatoid Arthritis have forced me to make some drastic changes for the better, we pay for those as well, literally. But we're still managing. And I've lost fifteen pounds.
And I know we're still doing better than so many people.
And yet, these people will not bend. And I ask for help and I'm lucky enough to have friends to fax them letters with time lines and they don't respond. Nothing.
I have friends to write up responses and find out I need to file them with ridiculous fees.
And I still know that we're doing better.
But how can you not be angry and wonder, who are these assholes? Who are these lawyers who can buy up debt and threaten people with court, people who probably don't know any better.
I know it's my debt, this isn't debt from years ago. I own this debt and we've not used these cards for a while now, that's not the question.
But I keep wondering, how can anyone being doing well with people like this?
And so I keep trying to find a way to get Kona love her surgery (She's a rescue, was never fixed and is an older dog, the dog no one wanted because of her age and now she has a mammary tumor and her teeth are a mess, she needs surgery to remedy these issues and to top it off, I still have the money that three people here donated to me that I've been thinking of GIVING back because I feel badly for having it in the FIRST place), to find a way to pay the bloodsucking lawyers (which I haven't responded to yet and I'm thinking I might call and give in because I really don't WANT to go to court).
And I can't stop the throbbing pain my upper back because of the stress, the pain down my back because of the worry.
AND I STILL KNOW THAT WE ARE DOING SO MUCH BETTER THAN SO MANY OTHERS.
And I find myself tired, in pain and angry.
I kept my daughter home from school today to protest the clusterfuck that's going on in our school district. Tonight is the Board of Trustee's meeting and the teacher's are going to vote on a strike this Thursday. Parents who support the teacher's kept their kids home today in protest. I just heard from my husband that rather than the usual 96% absence rate in the Elementary schools it was at 80%.
The mess keeps mounting, the chaos keeps swirling around me and I am trying to hold the center together, for what? SO that Bank of American can continue to tell me I don't qualify for Hope?
The frustration is palatable and yet, I do keep fighting, through frustration and tears.
And I know, that I still am one of the VERY lucky ones.
By the way, this is Kona, our rescue dog. She was saved on the day she was to be put down. Not sure how old she is, but she could be as old as twelve years. Best. Dog. Ever!