This is a letter I sent to my mother who lives in Germany, recently placed in a permanent home. Her and I were at war as long as we've known each other, yet, something magical is happening here, right now - we're coming together again, at last.
After all these years, I do want you to know that I love you so very much. You gave me my life, and you placed me into a community where I was safe. Even at four years old it was safe for me to wander the streets of Schwarzenbach, find refuge in the surrounding forests, pick blueberries, walk or bycicle to the Schiedateich to swim, and basically to discover Nature and its healing powers. These early experiences that are hard to reproduce for most children these days allowed me to become bonded with our larger mother – Mother Earth.
It is she and your intuitive instinct to place me into a place where that could happen.
I remember our Sunday meals, and helping out in the kitchen while you and Max prepared Kartoffelkloesse. I still remember the recipe, except mine never turn out like yours (they always fall apart before they’re done). I remember the Rouladen recipe as well. That one comes out really good to this day.
The Cucumber recipe (sweet and sour with chives) is to this day one of my my favorite salads, and potatoes are still my favorite vegetable (remember when I ate 23 of them in one meal and then threw up?).
I remember going down into the cellar to bring you beer, potatoes, and canned goods from the basement.
I remember waking up in the winter without heat in the house, and Max starting the coal-based radiator heater at 6 am to heat up our three-story house.
Unfortunately, it never heated up before I had to get up to go to school, and I had endless fantasies of driving my bed to school, including steering wheel and all – right before I had to face the reality of having to get out of my warm bed and get ready for real life.
Those are some of the things I love you for after much reflection. You did good in providing me with all of these experiences.
I remember going sledding during the winter, and then coming home, turning on the oven, pulling up a chair in front of it, and warming my feet resting on the open oven while eating Mandarin oranges from Italy.
As for myself, I have had an incredible life. What started out rather painful turned into assets I had that others didn't. My life has been all about NOT being a bad person, from becoming a children's entertainer (mime, clown, juggler - European style trained by the best mentors) to becoming a wildlife rehabilitator and oiled wildlife response supervisor (with over 3,000 birds under my belt), to my current job as a wildlife educator with Santa Barbara Audubon Society for the past 10 years (yes, I'm 58 already myself), my life has been and is an incredible journey, and you were the one that started it all.
I found a soul-mate with whom I spent 30 years full of love, generosity, tolerance - and two beautiful sons (your other grandsons). Jim died on May 7th 2006 of a massive heart attack. He died in our car while I was racing him to the hospital. He was on life-support for 4 days, and then he left for good.
I pretty well mourned him for 3 years and went into a deep depression, but Santa Barbara Audubon supported me throughout the ordeal, and last March Mother Nature did her thing again - one morning she woke me up and got me to see the beauty of life all around me. I couldn't wait to get up and get my hands in the dirt, planting and nurturing other things around me.
I love my work. I educate young children in our area (the poorest of the poorest in public schools) about nature and wildlife. I have four wild bird partners to help me do it well: Max, a Great horned owl; Ivan, a Red-tailed hawk; Kachina, an American Kestrel (small Falcon), and Tecolita, a Western screech owl. All of them can no longer survive in the wild on their own, due to conflict with human activities.
The children are sooo hungry to learn about them. They want very much to know how they should relate to their natural environment, but they're not being taught. I thought I'd share my love for nature with them, so that they too can always feel there is a safe place nearby where they can enjoy the beauty and let the healing take place, whether it's in a park nearby, their own backyard (if they have one), or the local beach.
I think part of what I do is related to you raising birds in the Hof shoe store. Once again, you provided me long-term, even when the going was rough early on. Although you and I have gone through hell and back at times, after much reflection I understand that we both did the best we could, and I am your strong daughter made after you, Oma and Opa. I love you now and forever. I am sorry it has taken me so long to finally realize this, but hell, I'm stubborn, just like you.
I'm including some pictures of my life here over the years. I hope Markus can print them our and deliver them to you along with this letter. Please let me know if you want to hear more from me.
Deine Tochter
Gabriele