While most newspapers and magazines do their Top 10, or Top 100, lists just before the year ends, hoping to sell some post-Christmas advertising and pick up some readers during a holiday week.
Allan Uthman and Ian Murphy of The Beast wait a decent interval, to fully review a crowded field of candidates and come up with the proper snark, before publishing the 50 Most Loathsome Americans of 2009 list.
No. 1 this year is Glenn Beck, here's some of why:
As the Sybil of cable punditry and graduate of the prestigious University of I Don’t Remember, Beck’s bipolar professor routine is hands down the funniest thing on TV.
More snarky goodness, below.
Uthman and Murphy mostly honor political/media types, with the occasional rapacious businessmen (Charles Koch at No. 2, Lloyd Blankfein at No. 14, Don Blankenship at No. 18) and murderers (Nidal Hassan at No. 3, James Von Brunn at No. 13, Scott Roeder at No. 28), thrown in.
Here are some highlights about political people we know and loathe:
Michele Bachmann, No. 4:
A cheap Palin knockoff without the aphasia, Bachmann is just one more example of the legislative and judicial scourge pouring out of Christian throwback "universities" like Liberty, Regent and her alma mater, Oral Roberts U. Glory be unto Oral, Michelle managed to get a law degree without actually gleaning any understanding of what the Constitution means or what freedom actually is.
Dick Armey, No. 6:
Phonetically, the former congressman’s name is poetic. As head of the lobbying firm Freedomworks, he played Teabag Patton this summer, riling the dimmest patriots to storm town halls nationwide and ordering them to "Be Disruptive Early And Often," and to "Not Have An Intelligent Debate." Dick’s just another propagandist fighting the class war by exploiting the reptilian brain of America’s self-destructive middle class.
Michael Steele, No. 23:
Steele, the world’s most obvious racial token, came out boldly in ’09, broadcasting his message in numerous media appearances—the message being that Michael Steele is an intellectual lightweight with no idea what he really thinks. Sometimes, visibility is a bad thing.
Teabaggers, No. 35:
America’s dumbest and most racist citizens finally found a cause they could all get behind that isn’t pro wrestling or NASCAR. The Lolcats of protest sign grammar, they think scare quotes actually make things scary (e.g. ‘Obama is a "communist"’). They don’t understand that they’re duped showpieces for billionaires who threaten their freedom and prosperity far more than their beloved nemesis, Big Gubmint. And their instant escalation from complacent couch potatoes to rhetorical revolutionaries just happened to coincide with the election of a black Democrat with the middle name Hussein. What are the chances?
Virginia Foxx, No. 36:
There are plenty of terrible people in congress, but none are as shithouse dumb as this repugnant, purblind vulture. Aggressively gullible in the way that only those lost to the crude comforts of pure dogma can be, Foxx is similar to her peculiar fans, who call themselves patriots while openly despising 80% of their country’s population, in that she’s able to swallow whole and regurgitate absurd, ahistorical fictions, and go right on believing them in the face of absolute proof of their falsehood.
Each loathsome award comes with evidence, usually a direct, loathsome quote, and a proposed fantasy sentence for being found loathsome.
But you'll have to click over there to read those, as well as killer one-paragraph descriptions of Rick Perry (No. 5), Dick Cheney (No. 9), Sarah Palin (No. 21), Joe Lieberman (No. 30), Orly Taitz (No. 33), and Joe Wilson (No. 44).
Plus, be sure to check out Harry Reid (No. 8), Barack Obama (No. 27), Arianna Huffington (No. 42), and, of course, You (No. 26).