For more than 17 years Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio has forced inmates of his correctional facilities, like Tent City where it reached 145 degrees last week, to wear pink underwear. Arpaio said he started the program because he wanted to stop the theft of regular white underwear by prisoners. It makes sense when you are a law official whose screw-ups have cost County taxpayers more than $50 million in lawsuits that saving a few bucks on swiped skivvies would be a top priority.
The pink underwear stunt is really meant to demean inmates and keep Arpaio's name in the headlines -- the double-wammy purpose behind everything he does. If you watch the MLB All-Star game this week you'll see another stunt that accomplishes both goals, when Arpaio brings a chain gang to Chase Field in Phoenix to pick up trash. That's right: real chains, striped uniforms, actual prisoners, many of them immigrants arrested for DUI. The Sheriff says he wants to send a message about drunk driving, but it's pretty clear what the real purpose of his Cool Hand Luke gimmick is: Look at me.
With a national TV audience of millions expected for baseball's All-Star Game, Sheriff Joe Arpaio could not pass up the chance to promote two of his favorite topics: himself and his disdain for undocumented immigrants. Arizona Republic
However, for those of you who think Joe Arpaio might be a racist, and who knows where in the world you could've gotten that idea, he's got news for you: Today he kicks off a new line of pink underwear for his Spanish-speaking friends. Hell, why make Mexicans wear boxers labeled "Go Joe," which is the name that's been stenciled on them since the beginning. That would be insulting, that would be insensitive.
And so today Arpaio will be introducing his new line of "Vamos Jose" undies at Valle Luna Restaurant on Bell Road in Phoenix. Sheesh, Joe's even kicking off his politically correct boxers at a Mexican restaurant! What a guy, maybe he'll even play Lady Gaga in the background and have some brown people in the PR photo to prove his new 21st-century tolerant credentials.
"It will raise more money to help at-risk youth and it is a poke in the eye to the critics who for years have called me racist because of my tough stance on illegal immigration," Arpaio said. Arizona Republic
Well, Joe, consider my eye sufficiently poked. I'll forget every incident of racial profiling you've ever been convicted of, like the $200,000 settlement reached this week because your goons detained a Hispanic father and son for hours -- both of whom are American citizens. The men were landscapers after all, and if there's one thing your thugs learned from you, it's that brown men with lawn equipment must be illegal. But I'll set aside my disgust and go delete every negative diary I've written about you because you're providing pink underwear to Hispanic prisoners embossed in their native tongue.
It's super keen Joe to see you reaching out to your Hispanic brethren this way, but aren't you in violation of the state's English Only law? Just askin', since you're such a law 'n order guy.
(For the really kinky among you, Joe also sells pink handcuffs. So far, they're only available with English engraving, but watch this space for the new equal opportunity Spanish version.)
UPDATE: Arpaio just announced he's going to call off the chain gang stunt. Small victories!