From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE
"Hey, love yer sig..."
Reading Kossack signature lines (you can create one via your DKos profile page and it appears every time you post a comment) is like eating nachos---once you start, it's hard to stop. Here are a few we stumbled on while twirling around the site like Herman Cain twirls through the thoughts in his head (minus his incoherence and pepperoni tutu):
I am from the Elizabeth Warren wing of the Democratic Party (LeftHandedMan)
OccupyWallStreet -- I will protest when and where I damn well please. I have the constitution in my pocket. That is my permit. (MinistryOfTruth)
If I tell you it's raining when it's raining, that's not promoting fear of rain. -- Rev. Al Sharpton (RhodaA)
When life gives you wingnuts, make wingnut butter! (antirove)
A fine beer may be judged with only one sip, but it's better to be thoroughly sure. --Czech Proverb (Doppel)
Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it. --Mark Twain (SottoVoce)
"I read this: Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. I read every last word of this garbage, and because of this piece of $#!^ I'm never reading again!" --Officer Barbrady (Broke and Unemployed)
"Someone just turned the lights on in the bar and the sexiest state doesn't look so pretty anymore" --CA Treasurer Bill Lockyer on Texas budget mess. (CaliSista)
And the winner of this round, from mnemosyne:
The trouble with quotes on the internet is that it is difficult to determine whether or not they are genuine. ---Abraham Lincoln
C'mon down and dip your toes in the pool. No pepper spray in C&J, just hypoallergenic freedom-scented body spritz. Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, November 18, 2011
Note: This holiday season I'm finally going to learn how to sing Feliz Navidad in Cuban. Rosetta Stone, don’t fail me now!
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til 2012: 44
Days 'til the holiday tree lighting in Boise: 8
Amount you'd have to earn per year to be considered part of the top 1% of richest Americans: $516,000
Percent chance that over half of U.S. Senators and Representatives are part of "The 1%": 100%
(Source: The Week)
Percent of American Catholics surveyed who support the rights of same-sex couples to marry (43%) or form civil unions (31%): 74%
(Source: the nonprofit Public Religion Research Institute)
Percent of Wisconsinites who support recalling Scott Walker, according to a Wisconsin Public Radio/St. Norbert College Survey: 58%
Minimum number of protesters who marched to Gov. Walker's house Tuesday and signed recall petitions in the driveway of a neighbor who supports the recall: 1,000
(Source: The Mighty Chris Bowers)
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Puppy Pic of the Day (via Americablog): Occupy Back Yard!!! <----- Seriously, you want to watch this.
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CHEERS to a pleasant two-month anniversary. Trying to keep up with all the 99% protests yesterday was like drinking from a firehose…or, more accurately, like involuntarily drinking from a pepper spray nozzle. And out of all the coverage (by those journalists who weren't prevented by police from doing their job, that is), I found these Occupy CAL images summed up my thoughts best: no matter how much the Michael Bloombergs and other "proper authorities" try to disappear the movement, we'll always find creative solutions to keep it zipping along. Funny how that happens when you believe in evolution, huh.
P.S. Front page, above-the-fold in today's edition of The Portland Press Herald: profiles of several of the folks in the Occupy Maine camp. The tea partiers, meanwhile, are now in the third year of occupying their La-Z-Boys.
JEERS to blaming the victim. Chillicothe, Ohio school officials, you are honestly and truly knuckledragging fuckwits who should all be fired:
Zach Huston, the 15-year-old Ohio gay teen whose beating was caught on video and posted on Facebook, says school officials asked him to tone it down after the incident. … In an interview with WBNS, Huston said school officials blamed him for the attack. “He basically said, 'There's a few gay kids in school and you're the only one they have problems with. So, what can you do to tone yourself down?'" [Zach] said.
Conform, damn you! What B.S. Zach and his mom, fighting back against these ignoramuses, have more guts than a bajillion bullies and look-the-other-way school administrations like Chillicothe, Ohio's. Meanwhile the attacker---who most assuredly committed the crime of assault---has still not been punished beyond the original three-day suspension. But thank god for the ACLU, which is telling the Chillicothe school administration fuckwits to fix their damn bullying/assault policy---and give it teeth---or they'll see them in court. This shit has got to stop. If you agree to be one of the grownups in the room, either act like it or go do something that's more suitable to your talents. Like, say, professional nosepicking.
CHEERS to simple explanations of complicated issues. If you find yourself scratching your head over just what the hell is going on with the European economy, here's good news! I've hired a crack team of economic experts to summarize the situation in plain language, so you can manage your international investment portfolio with confidence. Here's what happened this week:
Relief, Panic, Relief, Panic, Double-panic, Panic, Relief, Relief, Panic, Panic…[Mittagsruhe 12-3pm, Merkel eats a sausage, Sarkozy eats a baguette, Italy makes passionate love, followed by nappytime]…Tentative relief, Panic, Relief, Whoops no that was really panic, Panic, Relief, and Panic.
Join us next week for another update, which our C&J experts are now busily preparing for by picking fleas out of each other's fur.
CHEERS to yuletide shopping experiences that don’t involve getting trampled at the door. The holiday helpers at Netroots Nation have announced their 3rd annual year-end online bazaar/auction. Right now they're asking for you (and you and you) to donate a handmade item or two. Go to the auction web site for instructions. (The process is way easier than it has any right to be). If you have any questions, e-mail chief elf Karen Kolber at Karen [at] netrootsnation.org. The auction starts December 1 and proceeds help defray the cost of putting on the Netroots Nation convention (in Providence this year, June 7-10) and its regional events. As to the rumor that one of the items up for bid is an authentic Tickle Me Meteor Blades, well...you'll just have to wait and see.
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Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!
This is another edition of The One Word Answer Man. Kos asks: Meteor Blades will be back, full-time, on December 1. Pretty awesome, huh?
Meteoric!
Now back to Cheers and Jeers.
Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!
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CHEERS to the scrapper from Scranton. Happy Birthday to (and many blessings on the camels of) America's 47th Vice President, Joe Biden, who turns 69 tomorrow. His family is wisely taking him to Denny's to celebrate. Not only will he get a 69 percent discount on his Grand Slam, but the place is open 24 hours in case he decides to "say a few words" before he cuts the cake.
CHEERS to the "Super Committee." By all accounts they're poised to achieve their goal by next Wednesday, November 23rd, with flying colors. That goal, of course, was to kick the can of responsibility down the road from August 2 to November 23. Bravo! Well done! A perfect swan dive into the Shot Glass of Awesome! Now the Super Gang of Six will take over and brilliantly execute their strategy of kicking the can down the road for another three to six months. Or, as they call it up on Capitol Hill: being very serious.
CHEERS to a happy ending. Every year since I-don't-know-when, I've pointed out in C&J that on tomorrow's date in 2001, the U.S. Government started offering a $25 million reward for information leading to the location of Osama bin Laden. (Rumsfeld's words: "Tall guy, rides a donkey pulling a dialysis machine behind it.") And every year I've offered the same information:
Pakistan. Myrtle Beach if he's on vacation.
We all know how it turned out earlier this year. After nearly a decade of fumbling and bumbling by the "Strong On National Security" Bush administration, President Obama took my advice and tracked Osama down, directing Seal Team Six to shoot him in the eye on the windmill hole at Pirate's Cove Mini Golf in Myrtle Beach. I'll take my cash in twenties, please.
CHEERS to home vegetation. Oh, balls! Big, colored, lighted balls! They're going up in our windows this weekend as we deck our halls for the holidays. We figure it's time, seeing as the airwaves are now saturated with this year's obnoxious Old Navy Christmas ad. Resistance is futile. Also on TV this weekend: MinistryOfTruth (Jesse LaGreca) talks with Ed Schultztonight between 8 and 9. Jason Segel (who?) hosts SNL tomorrow night. The NFL schedule has New England playing the Kansas City Chiefs. On 60 Minutes: Grover Norquist, IMF chief Christine Lagarde, and Taylor Swift. New DVD releases include the Tom Hanks/Julia Roberts RoCo Larry Crowne, which was literally filmed on celluloid made from treacle, and Pirates of the Caribbean 4: Three Was Probably Enough, Matey. And here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Up! With Chris Hayes: Chris tweets: "We've got a genuine scoop for Saturday's edition of @upwithchris at 7am. Be sure to tune in." Oh, you little tease.
Meet the Press: Sens. Jon Kyl and John Kerry; roundtable with Mike Murphy, Eugene Robinson, Dee Dee Myers and Ed Gillespie.
This Week: Dunno. They haven't updated their web site since William Howard Taft declared the new expanded White House bathtub "rubber duck worthy."
Face the Nation: Or, as I call it now, "Fox News Lite." Sen. Pat Toomey (R-PA), Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX) and Sen. Joe Manchin (DINO-WV). Pathetic.
Washington Week: National Journal's Major Garrett on Obama's overseas trip; Bloomberg's Jeanne Cummings on Newt Gingrich's $37 million "historian" gig; Lori Montgomery of The Washington Post on how the super committee plans to celebrate their success when they deadlock on Wednesday (my sources tell me they're leaning toward Chuck E. Cheese); and USA Today's Joan Biskupic on what to expect when the Affordable Care Act goes to the Supreme Court.
CNN's State of the Union: Disgraced former National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice hawks her book.
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Rep. Jeb Hensarling (R-TX) and Xavier Becerra (D-CA and, I believe, the leader of the X-Men) pretend the Super Committee they're on isn’t going to deadlock next Wednesday; Moody's Chief Whatever-He-Is Mark Zandi talks about how swell it is to be rich; roundtable with Juan Williams, A.B. Stoddard, Bill Kristol and Brit Hume.
Happy viewing!
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Five years ago in C&J: November 18, 2006
CHEERS to eliminating hunger in America...in one easy step. Step 1) Have the USDA eliminate the word "hunger" and replace it with "food insecurity." Poof! No more hunger. And next the government will make global warming disappear by renaming it "Tropical Paradise Realignment."
JEERS to dog shit on a shoe...aka Glenn Beck. Wednesday night on his CNN "show" (shot in the basement of the house used in Wayne's World), the unlovable loser started his interview with Keith Ellison, the first Muslim member of Congress, by calling him a terrorist:
I have been nervous about this interview with you, because what I feel like saying is, "Sir, prove to me that you are not working with our enemies."
Call him Rush-lite. Minus the intelligence, wit and charm.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the good old days, when Republicans made some sense. On November 19, 1863, President Lincoln delivered the Gettysburg Address as he dedicated a national cemetery at the Pennsylvania battlefield. I read these words every year and their simple elegance makes me appreciate them a little more each time:
Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.
Click here and you can read it the way Abe wrote it. If only today's politicians could be that brilliantly brief. But if you don’t have time to read it all on account of it's Friday night and all, here's the Power Point Presentation of the speech. Dilbert would be proud.
Have a super weekend! Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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