I really liked the diary On Slut-shaming and Gay Men, which was rec-listed or community spotlighted this weekend. It's certainly true that part of being a gay man is either being celibate outside of a gay marriage or else being judged out the wazoo as sluts - as women historically have been. And then our supposed sluttiness is used to justify any antigay prejudice, judgment or act in the history of humanity. RfrancisR got that completely right. And he's right that a lot of male privilege is actually straight male privilege, and being openly gay or perceived as gay disqualifies us from getting it.
However, he also suggested that being a gay man means we don't get any male privilege. As another gay man, I wanted to offer a different take on it. Because I don't think it's fair to women, who really don't have male privilege, for gay men to deny having any of it at all.
This topic came up in the comments to that diary - for example, here (shout out to kamilumin). But I think it's important enough for its own diary, so more people can see it than just those who followed the comments.
First I want to introduce the concept of intersectionality. That basically means, to understand the privilege/oppression of gay men, it's not enough to understand generic male privilege and the generic oppression all gay people face. There's some privilege/oppression that is specific to people at the intersection of these two identities: gay and male. And RfrancisR gave some great examples of how gay men lack some standard forms of male privilege, in ways that mirror women's lack of male privilege.
But as a gay man, there are other forms of male privilege I still get.
I do not need to spend tons of time putting on make-up every day. Many women don't have that luxury. And I don't have to spend all the money those cosmetics cost. That's my male privilege.
I know a professor of social justice who demonstrates male privilege by asking her class, "How many of you have somehow made an effort to avoid sexual assault in the last month - by coordinating to go somewhere with friends instead of going alone, or by not going at all?" Remember, this is university students, who tend to navigate the campus on foot. Every time she asks, almost to a person, the women all have taken precautions, and the men all haven't. As a man, I've never had to learn that fear of walking alone. I'm exempt from the risk of sexual assault that women face just for being women. That's my male privilege.
(I have feared walking while holding my partner's hand - and I've avoided doing that at times - because I may face homophobic violence as a gay person, or as a gay man. But that's not the same as the sexual assault I'd face as a woman... Not to mention lesbians, who get to enjoy the worst of both worlds.)
Nobody will ever blame my actions on PMS and dismiss my perspective on that basis.
The decision to hire me will not be based on assumptions about whether or not I might choose to have a family sometime soon. (I stole this one from this male privilege checklist, which is worth checking out. Some of them don't apply to me, as a gay man; others still do.)
To the extent people don't know I'm gay, I'll get all the respect and other forms of male privilege they can give me, same as they would to any other man. In case people don't know about this, I have an example to share. I have a transsexual friend. After she transitioned and began living as a woman, people took her less seriously. She talks about the first time she called a repairman as a woman. When she said what was wrong with her AC unit, he didn't believe her. He assumed she didn't know what she was talking about, and that he'd have to come diagnose it himself. This was new for her, because as a man, nobody had ever dismissed her judgment out of hand that way. I love this story, because it's something you might never notice unless you're trans, and can compare your experiences on each side of sexism. I certainly had no idea until she told me about it.
I'm less likely than a woman to be discriminated against in the workplace for being overweight.
I'm sure there's many more - I just wanted to give some examples.
My point is, even while being a gay man takes some forms of male privilege away from me, it doesn't take it all. As RfrancisR noted, being a gay man means I no longer fit society's image of what a man is supposed to be. So being at the intersection of gay and male means losing some of that male privilege. And it means I get some antigay/queer oppression, and then some oppression that's specific to gay men in particular. So it's kind of complicated.
I think it's incumbent on those with privilege to own it and work for a more just world... so it was important to me, as a gay man, to name the male privilege I enjoy. Thanks for reading!
