Last night, Stephen Colbert exposed the latest anti-immigrant ad that's actually been running on MSNBC, and showed who's behind the group running the ad.
NARRATOR: Concerned about Americans' huge carbon footprint? Then you should be concerned about immigration. Sound crazy? Immigrants produce four times more carbon emissions in the U.S. than in their home countries. Reducing immigration won't solve global warming, but it is part of the solution.
Yes. Immigrants cause global warming. I never noticed the connection before, but it makes sense. It's always an immigrant who's cutting my grass with that exhaust-spewing lawn mower. (A Juan Deere) Not to mention, folks, and their spicy food always increases my emissions. (Cilantro But Deadly)
Now, folks, I don't believe global warming exists, and even if it does, you can never convince me it's man-made. But now I know it's caused by immigrants. (Manuel-Made)
Saving the planet by demonizing immigrants gives liberals and conservatives something they can do together. (Other Than Shouting At Thanksgiving Dinner) Now, when a liberal yammers on about the record heat we had this winter, a conservative can say, "Let's save the environment by building an electrified border fence that runs on alternative energy." (Solar Death Panels)
And liberals, you know you can trust this ad because the group behind it, Californians for Population Stabilization, shares your concerns about the environment. That's why their website talks about anchor babies, the Mexican reconquista movement to reclaim California, and... recycling. Or as they call it, bottle and can deportation. (Reduce, Reuse, Revile)
And they know immigrants have four times the carbon footprint once they get to the U.S., because of a study that says, on average, Americans burn much more carbon per capita than the countries immigrants typically come from.
So, any immigrant who comes to our country is immediately one of the worst polluters on the planet! (Who Do They Think They Are? Us?)
Ladies and gentlemen, again, lefty environmentalists, you can trust this study because it came from the Center for Immigration Studies, which was founded by John Tanton, who, according to the Southern Poverty Law Center, "has for decades been at the heart of the white nationalist scene", and "has met with leading white supremacists". Now, I'm sure he's just pressuring the Klan to make their cross burnings carbon neutral. (Ku Klux Konservation) (audience laughter and applause)
Video and full transcript below the fold.
If there's one thing we can all agree on, it's that half of us won't agree on even that. Liberals and conservatives don't see eye to eye on anything. If Fox News says that water is a liquid, the New York Times will do three columns on how hydrogen is a gas, and oxygen is openly gay.
Neither side wants to give an inch, especially since the lefties are still trying to move us to the metric system. Now fortunately, there's a way to bridge the partisan divide, and it's tonight's Wørd: United We Can't Stand Them.
Folks, if you spent any time watching MSNBC lately, you should change the batteries in your remote, they're obviously dead. (Committed Suicide During "The Ed Show") But if you do watch MSNBC, you might have seen this.
NARRATOR: Concerned about Americans' huge carbon footprint? Then you should be concerned about immigration. Sound crazy? Immigrants produce four times more carbon emissions in the U.S. than in their home countries. Reducing immigration won't solve global warming, but it is part of the solution.
Yes. Immigrants cause global warming. I never noticed the connection before, but it makes sense. It's always an immigrant who's cutting my grass with that exhaust-spewing lawn mower. (A Juan Deere) Not to mention, folks, and their spicy food always increases my emissions. (Cilantro But Deadly)
Now, folks, I don't believe global warming exists, and even if it does, you can never convince me it's man-made. But now I know it's caused by immigrants. (Manuel-Made)
Saving the planet by demonizing immigrants gives liberals and conservatives something they can do together. (Other Than Shouting At Thanksgiving Dinner) Now, when a liberal yammers on about the record heat we had this winter, a conservative can say, "Let's save the environment by building an electrified border fence that runs on alternative energy." (Solar Death Panels)
And liberals, you know you can trust this ad because the group behind it, Californians for Population Stabilization, shares your concerns about the environment. That's why their website talks about anchor babies, the Mexican reconquista movement to reclaim California, and... recycling. Or as they call it, bottle and can deportation. (Reduce, Reuse, Revile)
And they know immigrants have four times the carbon footprint once they get to the U.S., because of a study that says, on average, Americans burn much more carbon per capita than the countries immigrants typically come from.
So, any immigrant who comes to our country is immediately one of the worst polluters on the planet! (Who Do They Think They Are? Us?)
Ladies and gentlemen, again, lefty environmentalists, you can trust this study because it came from the Center for Immigration Studies, which was founded by John Tanton, who, according to the Southern Poverty Law Center, "has for decades been at the heart of the white nationalist scene", and "has met with leading white supremacists". Now, I'm sure he's just pressuring the Klan to make their cross burnings carbon neutral. (Ku Klux Konservation) (audience laughter and applause)
I say, why stop with global warming? There are so many problems on which conservatives and liberals can come together to blame immigrants. (The Enemy Of My Enemy Is Mi Amigo) For instance, liberals, listen up. Are you concerned about our lax gun laws? Then you should be concerned about immigration. Did you know that when immigrants come to America, they can waltz into any gun show and buy a firearm with no waiting period or background check? (Even If Their Background Is Czech)
And liberals, let me ask you this. Are you concerned about poverty? Then you should be concerned about immigration. Did you know that no matter what their economic status back home, 23% of non-naturalized immigrants here live below the poverty line? I think it's time we finally did something to help the poor... by sending them away. (Explore Somewhere Else, Dora) (wild audience laughter)
So, liberals, conservatives, let's make sure America continues to be a country people strive to come to, by kicking out the people who came here. Because only by finding someone we can blame for the issues that divide us, can Americans ever hope to come together to not address them. (United We Can't Stand Them) And that's the Wørd. We'll be right back.
Stephen also had a stomach-churning
Cheating Death segment about scrotums. Possibly NSFW. Actually, very much NSFW.
Meanwhile, Jon covered the latest innovation,
asteroid mining. Check out the awesome cameo at the end. :-)
He then looked at
Mitt Romney's pivot to the general election after he
swept Tuesday's primaries.
Stephen interviewed Harvard professor
Michael Sandel about our society monetizing moral behavior, and Jon talked with actor
Jason Segel.
