My dear fellow Gun Nutters™.
Today I have sum good news fer y’all! Just stop ‘n think bout this fer one darn cotton pickin minute, if’n ya will…
Even if the friggin skaredycat libtards out there take way our guns, we Gun Nutters™ will still have access ta hammers, which our good friends at the NRA tells us are responsible fer more deaths in the US than even sum types o’ guns! (So that means them hammers must be purty awesome weapons, rite?)
Matta fak, did y’all know that even as I rite this here letter ta y’all there are hundreds o’ thousands, probably even millions, o’ semiautomatic hammers available in this grate nayshun o’ ours!
Oh shure, they don't call em semiautomatic hammers, they call em “nail guns”. Sounds harmless, rite? But don't be fooled, these so-called nail guns are really semiautomatic hammers (‘n with the rite knowhow ‘n a little bit a tinkerin could even be converted ta fully automatic hammers).
And while so far there have only been a few fatalities from semiautomatic hammers, it is a wicked fact that each year sum 37,000 people cross the nayshun have ta go ta hospital emergency rooms due ta serious injuries from these (potenshilly) lethal weapons.
And y’all shoud check this one out rite quicklike:
You can own as many o’ these semiautomatic hammers as y’all want ta!
All ya have ta do’s go down to yer local hardware store where’n they‘s freely sold over the counter ‘n ya can buy one on the spot, no kwestyuns asked or background check rekwired. (I ask y’all, “How awesome is that?”)
And so I say to all ma fellow Gun Nutter™ friends out there, I sez, “Don't worry bout it. If'n they take our semiautomatic rifles way from us we’ll still have our semiautomatic hammers, ‘n ah know tha the friggin libtard carpenter’s unions will see to it that we nevah lose those”.
Anyways, hope this here news helps ease any angsiety y’all mite be havin bout losin the luv of yer lives, so’s y’all can rest easy now ‘n have a good day.