I need some advice and this is the best place I know to get real answers and opinions from a very diverse group that is grounded in reality. Let me clearly state that I am not the disabled Vet. I am his neighbor. I've only known him for a little over a year since I moved to this neighborhood and he lives across the street. He is a Gulf war vet, his wife is very far along with MS and his son, by way of his wife's first marriage, is considered to have a learning disability. Think Forrest Gump as I try to phrase this in a PC manner. He's a good kid but you just wouldn't be able to not think about the movie if you've seen it when you talk to him. Sounds just like Forrest, Forrest Gump.
So before we go below the squiggly, the cast of characters are Vet, Wife and Son to protect the innocent. And of course myself. That would be me, myself and I, otherwise known as Mark. Vet is 49 years old. Wife is of similar age and Son is 22.
Now that some of the particulars are covered lets dive into this....
So here we are below the squiggly. I'm trying to think of how to keep this short and sweet, get to the relevant points and not make this overly winded so you don't phase out and move on without chiming in. So here we go.
I've known Vet a little over a year. We hang out in his garage on weekends and watch football, NASCAR, throw darts, drink beer, etc. Stuff neighbors do. When I moved in I was aware of some financial difficulties with making the mortgage. Being that he is a disabled vet and unemployed, his wife's condition and his sons difficulties in finding a decent paying job it was not surprising. Further down the road I was made aware that they were persuing bankruptcy. This being the result of him not making a FULL payment on the mortgage and the bank coming back and basically going ballistic. Obviously, I'm a bystander in all of this so I take what I hear at face value.
About three months ago he get's the good news. His debt has been discharged and bankruptcy worked out. Well what about the house I ask. You can't just file for bankruptcy and get to keep everything. You need to call your attorney and find out the details. Attorney say's yes indeed, the house was part of the discharge. Okay...but what does that mean I ask. Just because your debt is forgiven you get the title to the house? That can't be right.
Fast forward to last weekend. He knocks on my door and tells me that I was right. Realtors have been showing up taking pictures of the house. Turns out that his debt has been forgiven but the bank still has the right to sell the house. Gee...Really?
This is as condensed as I can make it leading up to this point. What comes next is MY need for YOUR help...and your help I really do need.
I really do like Vet. He genuinely seems to be a decent human being. Many a night he's recounted the horrors of what he had seen and done during the Gulf War and I comforted and consoled. We connected because I tried to understand him and didn't pretend to know what he had gone through. Who can really say they understand the horror of war unless they had been there? But just because I have empathy and compassion does not mean that I am a saint.
Vet asked if he and his wife could move in with me...
After the question was asked as I was standing in my doorway in the morning I told him I had to fully wake up and take a shower and I'd be over in a few minutes to discuss the situation and promptly sent him away. Holy fucking shit! Does this guy fully realize what he just asked? After a lengthy hot shower asking myself repeatedly "why the fuck did you break from your credo of never getting even remotely close to anyone?" He really doesn't know me...
After an afternoon of beer and discussing the situation with him and REALLY considering his request? I thought about "you are your brothers keeper" and what not. I'm not altruistic nor am I saint but I am a decent human being. I don't need a book full of words to know this. But I cannot have them in my home. His wife is nearing hospice type care and he just seems to have given in to the fact that he will be checking out sometime soon as well.
I could ramble on and on but instead I'll just field questions in the comments and try and answer as best as I can. What I really need though are links to any kind of assisted living links for Vets and their immediate family. He has his VA income and they can afford up to a certain amount. I just need to push that stuff right up into his face and force him to deal with it. We are in California if that helps for anyone willing to provide specific links.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far...there are a lot more details and circumstances I'd like to state but I need to get this ball rolling.