The NSA surveillance program that harvests everyone's data can be very useful in building a terrorist profile. Thanks to data-mining, the authorities could be tipped off to an individual who makes telephone calls to a Muslim from Somalia. This person also regularly makes and receives phone calls from a convicted felon in the United States and is in Facebook communication with a Pakistani known to be interested in aviation. The subject also attended school with a close relative of a well-known Saudi arms dealer and has recently made purchases of fertilizer within the United States. Clearly, the metadata indicates this person warrants further investigation.
This person is me.
That's just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my suspicious metadata, I imagine. I'll release more as the days progress, and I won't even make you go to Hong Kong and look for a guy with a Rubik's Cube. I have had run-ins with the authorities and have even received official notice of being a "scofflaw." (True, though sadly, I seem to have lost the written evidence of being deemed an official scofflaw.)
This NSA surveillance story is amazing, and is thankfully shining a bright light on abuses and overreach within the government. Kind of funny that my earlier prediction turned out so completely wrong, thanks to Edward Snowden. Clearly, Snuggly has enough material for a year's worth of cartoons.
Let Snuggly the Security Bear and I know what you think, and be sure to comment and share the cartoon.
[Snuggly the Security Bear]
Hi America! I'm back! Just a few weeks after telling you that snooping on a hundred-or-so reporters was no problem, Snuggly the Security Bear is back to tell you that snooping on, umm . . .
All of you! . . . isn't a problem either! Mmheeheehee!
Just take it from my bosses, you've got nothing to worry about!
Unless you're a terrorist, a treasonous leaker, or, um, a fan of the Bill of Rights! Mmheeheehee!
See, even though we said that we only snoop on terror suspects and the people talking with them-- turns out, in order to do that, we have to snoop on . . . everyone!
But don't worry-- like the President says-- this is overseen by the three branches of government . . .
Never mind it's one branch that lied to the other and a third who okays what the first wants 99.97 percent of the time!
Certain sacrifices must be made if we're to keep you snuggly and secure!
And remember, we're just tracking and storing "metadata." Which means your phone number, who you called, when you called, where you were standing when you called, how long you talked, what kind of phone you talked on, who you called again and who called you back!
But don't worry, we're not listening to the actual call! Mmmheeheehee!
And if you happen to be using the Internet, we'll be there, too . . . ready to get your emails, videos, chats, search words, and photos-- all to keep you snuggly and secure!
It's all perfectly legal! Just ask the secret court who won't reveal things to Congress . . . or ask the Director of National Intelligence, who does his very best to testify in the most "un-lying" sort of way!
. . . Or ask the President who warned of the "false choice between liberties we cherish and the security--" er-- whoops, wrong quote.
He said, "you can't have 100% security and also 100% privacy."
Or better yet . . . don't ask at all!
And remember, we're watching you!
ALL of you!!