If you were for some reason expecting that CPAC would be the time and place for Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker (R-NotIndicted) to cast aside his magical cloak of generalizations and start mentioning, say, an actual policy opinion here and there, keep dreaming. Admittedly, the annual conference is no stranger to vapid speeches by Republican would-be presidential candidates, efforts that sound like they took the duller Ronald Reagan speeches, put the texts in a blender, and let every candidate choose six of the resulting snippets, but true to form the prince of all things banal managed to turn in a substanceless, grey-on-grey performance that made Sarah Palin's bold ideas on loving veterans seem innovative in comparison.
Walker did, however, manage to foul up at least once. The question he was asked was what he as president (God help us) would do about ISIS. He of course could or would not offer even the barest of specific thoughts on that, but was eager to translate his Wisconsin experiences fighting unions into presumed toughness in fighting terrorism.
“We need have someone who leads and ultimately will send a message that not only will we protect American soil, but…freedom-loving people anywhere else in the world. We need that confidence,” he said. “If I can take on a hundred thousand protesters, I can do the same across the world.”
All right, so the first part of that was probably memorized off an index card, and the second part is the usual Scott Walkerism of trying to mention his fight against unions in any context in which it can possibly be wedged in, it being the only reason any of the conservative groups he speaks to give a damn about him or even know his name in the first place. Unfortunately many observers pointed out that this sounded quite a bit like Scott Walker was comparing American protesters to ISIS terrorists.
So Scott Walker had to quickly point out that no, he wasn't saying that. He was just saying he has no idea how to handle ISIS at all, or something.
"Let me be perfectly clear, I’m just pointing out the closest thing I have to handling this difficult situation is the 100,000 protesters I had to deal with," Walker said. [...]
"You all will misconstrue things the way you see fit," he said. "That’s the closest thing I have in terms of handling a difficult situation, not that there’s any parallel between the two."
This still was not satisfactory—let's face it, it makes Walker look like a moron, or at least like someone who quite literally has no idea what to do about ISIS other than they're probably like those people who hurt his feelings, someone for whom being able to see Russia from his house would count as foreign policy notch on the belt in comparison—so it was up to his team to craft another, more formal response, less horrible response. And I defy you to find any statement by any politician
that has less substance.
Governor Walker believes our fight against ISIS is one of the most important issues our country faces. He was in no way comparing any American citizen to ISIS. What the governor was saying was when faced with adversity he chooses strength and leadership. Those are the qualities we need to fix the leadership void this White House has created.
Now that's Walker-talk, right there. "When faced with adversity he chooses strength and leadership." That's how he'll beat ISIS, by so peppering them with hyper-generic catch phrases that they all kill themselves in an attempt to make it stop.
I swear, this man's entire candidacy is based on a PowerPoint presentation. Or has been cribbed from patriotic fortune cookies. Or was stolen outright from a junior high valedictorian's speech on what America Means To Them. His mind is a blank wall painted eggshell white: Gather 'round, primary voters, and watch it dry.
