My apologies in advance for the “old news,” but yes, it’s still bothering me – and I have a question. I haven’t diaried in years, but I saw a clip a couple mornings ago which bothered me intensely on a both a cultural and personal level. My diary title is an honest question, and I guess I’m looking for feedback because it’s relevant in my day-to-day life.
I am a white liberal living in the Deep South. I wrote a diary on my upbringing several years ago (Growing Up Liberal in a GOP Household: Lies, Indoctrination, and Breaking Free), which described some of my experiences. I was born and raised here by two conservatives, neither of whom I ever knew to make “hateful” racist statements, but who nevertheless have some pretty foul misconceptions about the roles of race in our society, which have never been in line with my thinking. In the notorious “nature versus nurture” argument, I’ve always thought that who we are is determined by about 70 percent nature and 30 percent nurture. My political and social viewpoints have little to nothing in common with those of most of the people with whom I regularly interact. I have always believed I was “born to be a liberal” because the predominant social/political viewpoints around here have never felt right to me. Even as a very young child – and even before I had any educated understanding of racism and its prevalence in this country – I remember feeling that my thinking was somehow freakishly divergent from the local norm.
Before my fellow Southerners cry out in outrage, let me offer this disclaimer: I do NOT think everyone in the South is racist. Obviously, there are many good people here, and not everyone in these parts has a totally skewed worldview. Granted, throughout my childhood and teenage years, I was very outspoken with my belief that this region is a “cesspool,” and I dedicated myself early on to “escaping” this area. (That didn’t work out – at least not just yet.) I associated my surroundings with negative mindsets and a level of ignorance that I found (find) not only offensive, but also embarrassing with which to be associated. I have mellowed somewhat with age, however, and though my disgust with many of the people I encounter in my hometown is still a daily struggle, I no longer hate everything around me. I ALSO fully believe that racism is a problem which is prevalent in most places in the US. It is certainly not exclusively a Southern phenomenon. Regardless, I think it’s pretty clear that people who feel that race is not an inordinately large issue in this region are fooling themselves.
I’m sure you’re already well familiar with this video, which shows a Nancy Gordeuk, a high school principal in Georgia going on a racist rant at a graduation.
The woman considers a couple of people “disruptive,” so she starts name-calling (referring to members of the audience as “coward,” “rude,” and “goober”). Once the viewers had had enough, some of them got up to leave. At this point, Gordeuk disdainfully calls out “all the black people” for leaving during the ceremony, which rightfully results in a whole more people walking out. My heart goes out to the students who were proud of their accomplishments and worked hard for that night, only to see it ruined by a spiteful, ignorant woman who obviously has no business interacting with and exerting her influence over young people in an academic environment.
The initial comments are obviously disturbing, but this video is not the one which inspired me to whip out my keyboard. If I wrote a diary every time I heard someone spout hate on TV or “irl,” I’d never get up from my computer. But during the television interview I saw on MSNBC recently (which I cannot find in full online yet, so if anyone else does, please link me), I listened with disbelief as Gordeuk insisted that she was “not a racist” and that anyone who knows her “knows the truth.” …Not a racist?
Cell phone video shows TNT Academy Principal Nancy Gordeuk saying: "You people are being so rude to not listen to this speech. It was my fault that we missed it in the program. Look who's leaving... all the black people."
Gordeuk says she forgot to introduce the class valedictorian at Friday's graduation ceremony.
When she brought him up towards the end of the program, she became upset when some started to walk out.
Gordeuk's comment triggered a wider walkout at the event, and now there are calls for her resignation.
"It was not a statement of racism. It was just my frustration," Gordeuk said.
ABC
And that’s when I wondered:
What is the truth?
Please note -- I’m NOT asking whether the woman is a racist. There’s no question of that, and no reasonable viewer can make a realistic argument which might constitute a “non-racist excuse” for her behavior. What I am asking, however, is whether she truly believes she isn’t. I frequently come into contact with plenty of bigoted people, and this “I’m not a racist, BUT *insert racist remark here” phenomenon is bizarrely commonplace. The prevailing reasoning seems to be something along the lines of, “I don’t say the n-word, so my observations are not offensive or racially charged.” Some of them genuinely appear to believe they are not prejudiced ("colorblind," donchaknow?). But appearances can be deceiving. What I’m wondering is whether these individuals actually believe they are free of racial bias, or whether they are simply feigning innocence publicly to save face and avoid consequences.
The words are hateful and therefore inexcusable… but do they realize it?
And if they do, does it bother them that they are racist, or do they simply feel comfortable and justified in their beliefs? Hell, do they think about it one way or the other?
Gordeuk can pretend neutrality all she wants, but the nastiness she spewed that night doesn’t exist in a vacuum. It wasn’t just “frustration” which guided her words. Frustration may have made her more inclined to spew contempt she would have normally kept hidden, but the underlying foundation for those words was very real bigotry . She also tried to claim that “the devil” was partially responsible for her outburst. Incredible. Even if I’d grown up to be the Christian my parents raised me to be, I don’t think I would have been charitable enough to absolve someone of their bigoted remarks based upon the devil’s purported influence.
Shortly after videos of the event went viral, Gordeuk apologized in an e-mail to parents.
“A terrible mistake on my part of the graduation ceremony on Friday night,” Gordeuk wrote, according to WXIA in Atlanta. “The devil was in the house and came out from my mouth. I deeply apologize for my racist comment and hope that forgiveness in in your hearts.”
The Daily Beast
Judging by the clips, it is my personal opinion that Gordeuk is a nasty person in general. I could be wrong, but I don’t have anything else to go on. Her decision (brought about by frustration and
the devil or not) to attack and denigrate a bunch of kids based on their race – and on a celebratory night during which they deserved congratulation and pride – was vicious, and it reflected some pretty vile prejudices. I’m just curious whether she has any real inkling that her convictions are legitimately offensive and inappropriate, or whether she just thinks everyone else is wrong to be appalled.
I don’t excuse bigotry, but I do wonder how many people have intolerant notions which they do not believe to be destructive or malicious. In addition to the overt, hostile racism I encounter from time to time, I more often witness a lot of “polite” racism (“but see, I didn’t say the n-word!”). I’d like to know what percentage of people recognize covert racism and the microaggressions they commit. Of those who do realize, I’d be interested to know how many see them as problems or flaws in their personalities. I figure it’s a pretty small number. I’m aware this diary is a ramble, but the primary reason for my curiosity revolves around its cultural importance. What are the implications, if any, for society and progress? If racists – in addition to regarding their attitudes as somehow justified – do not even realize that their erroneous ideas and distorted perceptions constitute what most people think of as racism, what significance might that have for our communities? How might it potentially impact movements toward positive change and the evolution of our thinking as a collective?
On the individual level, how do we not despise people who espouse these kinds of repulsive outlooks? A good argument can (and probably will) be made that we absolutely should detest all of them in all respects. And if indeed we should, what are the ramifications for someone like me, living in an area which undeniably has a “race problem,” and routinely communicating with the people who adamantly embrace and perpetuate it?
True confession: Some of my family members – people who love me, supported me, and played integral roles in my upbringing (and who I therefore cannot help but love) – hold some pretty shameful prejudices, to which they occasionally give voice in my presence. It’s been a divisive issue which has powerfully affected my family dynamic throughout my life. I’ll mention one example. One afternoon in late fall when I was 16, my paternal grandfather, who I loved very much, went off on a derogatory tangent about the IQ scores of African Americans (“black people”). We got into a screaming match in the car while he and my grandmother were driving me back to their home after school to wait on my mother to get off work and come pick me up. We’d had this arrangement for years, and at the time, I was spending a couple of hours at their house 2 – 3 days per week. This fight was the only occasion upon which I can recall him raising his voice to me, but his opinions were so flagrantly ignorant and so contrary to mine that I could not quickly forgive it. Perhaps it is also worth mentioning that this is my only clear memory of him saying anything which struck me as prejudiced against anyone. My grandmother was often overtly racist, but my grandfather had never before demonstrated an ignorant mentality. In fact, he had always disavowed her beliefs and provided the voice of reason during discussions on many social issues, and I had come to think of him as the perfect example of what a true “Southern gentleman” should be. To hear him express such a skewed perspective was shocking, and I remember feeling “betrayed,” as if I had never really known him at all.
Thereafter I refused to let him pick me up from school anymore, and we spoke very little, even at family gatherings. I do not recall spending any time with him at Christmas that year. I’m sure in time we would have repaired our relationship, but he was diagnosed with lung cancer the following January. His health declined rapidly, and he sheltered me from it in such a way that I had no clear understanding of how ill he had become. He passed away in March, several months before the doctors had expected. What happened between us – and my subsequent months-long shunning of a man who had adored me and sacrificed for me for the first 16 years of my life – has been a source of unending guilt.
I long ago forgave him. His opinions were ignorant and misguided, but I do not believe he meant to be cruel. I never knew him to treat anyone with disrespect based upon culture, and – though his words were inherently harmful and reflected some very deep problems in our society – I know he did not think he was being wrongheaded. He did not intend to be hateful. Still…
Unfortunately, regardless of intent, words cause harm. Actions based on ignorant foundations create casualties. But if I scorned, hated, and avoided everyone around me who voiced a despicable social, religious, or political opinion, mine would be a very isolated, lonely life. If I didn’t love and even (in many ways) respect some people who hold ignorant opinions, I would lead a very barren and mostly loveless existence. Perhaps the only family member with whom I could maintain regular contact would be my younger brother. (How my conservative parents raised two liberals, I will never know – nature versus nurture, you see?) How does someone like me even begin to reconcile these issues?
Racism is not okay. Ever. No amount of personal affection I may feel for a family member (or anyone else) can ever serve as an adequate excuse for any variety of bigotry. Knowing this, how do I go about living my life without constant conflict?
I have come to consider it a sort of doublethink. I can only successfully (somewhat) navigate my environment by simultaneously upholding two mutually exclusive viewpoints as true: “Racists are bad people. My (prejudiced) **insert name of person I love* is not a bad person.”
But what does it mean – for me and for society as a whole – that I have to live by such a disturbing principle?
If anyone actually finished reading this meandering treatise, I’d love to hear your opinion(s).
UPDATE: Just wanted to thank everyone who commented and apologize for my absence. I had to work more than expected for two days, and then I spent yesterday spectacularly sick. I'm just now sitting down with the comments here, and I'll do my best to respond. Thanks!