Hispanic Federation Fund for Puerto Rico Relief Link
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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
While You Were Busy Weekending
Here’s an update on TransCanada’s evolving response to Thursday’s inevitable Keystone pipeline gusher that spewed hundreds of thousands of gallons of oil all over agricultural grasslands up South Dakota-way:
"Relax. We're not aware of any oil spill."
"Oh….THAT? It's just a minor 'outflow event.' Nothing to see here, please move along."
"Okay, yes. Now that the media and environmentalists have published photos and samples, it is, we conclude, a slightly larger event than first indicated."
"Working with law enforcement agencies from the state and federal governments, we have succeeded in stopping the leak…of damning evidence by the media and environmentalists, and have banned them from the land and airspace around the area.”
"We're using the most advanced paper-towel technology to mitigate the spread of the freedom fluids. We will make this right as soon as possible or by the time the sun swallows up the solar system, whichever comes first."
"We've set up a special fund to compensate those inconvenienced by this event. But we'll sue to get most of that money back from the moochers. So you can relax, shareholders."
"As CEO of TransCanada, let me offer these words of reassurance to the public: I'd like my life back."
"As Republican chairman of the House Energy and Environment subcommittee, Ah'd like to apolojahz on behalf of ’Merica to the CEO of TransCanada. I am very sorry for y’alls inconvenience, suh."
"TransCanada is happy to announce that Congress has banned all future lawsuits against us, retroactive to the time our fine petroleum products were still roaming the earth, and anyone who reports oil gushing from one of our pipes will be assessed a billion-dollar ‘Nobody Likes A Snitch’ tax."
Have a sunshine day, everyone.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, November 20, 2017
Note: It's Peanut Butter Fudge Day. So if your peanut butter starts waving around a report full of statistics, verify verify verify.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the special senate election in Alabama: 22
Days 'til the Boston Tuba Concert at Faneuil Hall: 5
Estimated size of the California marijuana economy after recreational sales become legal on January 1: $7 billion
Estimated temperature on Pluto, as determined by the New Horizons probe: -330F
Number of years Elton John and Bernie Taupin have worked together as of this year: 50
Temperature the inner thigh of a turkey must reach to be deemed safe to eat, according to old federal guidelines: 165 degrees
Temperature the inner thigh of a turkey must reach to be deemed safe to eat, according to federal guidelines under new Trump-era FDA rules designed to “cut wasteful degrees” and "make Thanksgiving great again": 60 degrees
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Totally Random NFL Score
New England Patriots 33 Oakland Raiders 8
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Puppy Pic of the Day: A quiet moment
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CHEERS to short workweeks. Only three days for most Americans this week---hopefully you're among them. Then it's turkey, gravy, spuds and a whole lotta nothin' else. Except, of course, our usual 16 hours of daily blogging. ("Pass the stuffing, dear. And the screen shammy...")
CHEERS to a pleasant (if breezy) walk on the National Mall. The Unity March for Puerto Rico took place in D.C. yesterday, drawing a crowd of several thousand to basically say to the government: “We see you ignoring us!” Among those in attendance: Lin-Manuel Miranda, chef Jose Andres, Congressman Luis Guiterrez (D-IL), goddess Rita Moreno, and San Juan mayor Carmen Yulín Cruz…
Monday is the two-month mark since Hurricane Maria blasted through Puerto Rico. As of Friday, significant portions of the island still lacked electricity and potable water. Families lack housing and the economy, already crippled by its multibillion-dollar debt crisis, has further suffered as businesses have been unable to open without electricity or Internet and with tourism taking a major hit. […]
There is limited political recourse for Puerto Ricans on the island when it comes to the federal government. It is a territory---many islanders say colony is a better label---of the United States. Its citizens are represented in Congress by Jenniffer Gonzalez. But she has no vote in Congress. […]
Miranda added his own warning to lawmakers at Sunday's rally. "Congress, if you can hear me, Puerto Ricans are coming to the United States in record numbers, they are your newest voting bloc. … When you vote for forgiveness of this debt, when you vote for a relief package, it's not just the sane thing to do, it's not just the humane thing to do---it's good politics."
The marchers left with a commitment to keep up the fight, not take no for an answer, and massage their aching arches. Not necessarily in that order.
JEERS to a depressing annual rite of fall. Yes, boys and girls, it's time once again to check in with our good drug enforcement buddies to give us an update on the opium biz in our 51st state of Afghanistan. As a reminder, thirteen of the last fourteen years have seen an increase in opium production, so place your bets and let's see how we did this year…
Opium production in Afghanistan increased by 87 per cent to a record level of 9,000 metric tons in 2017 compared with 2016 levels, according to the latest Afghanistan Opium Survey figures released today by the Afghan Ministry of Counter Narcotics and the UN Office on Drugs and Crime (UNODC). The area under opium poppy cultivation also increased to a record 328,000 hectares (ha) in 2017, up 63 per cent compared with 201,000 hectares in 2016.
In a statement delivered at the survey's launch, UNODC Executive Director Yury Fedotov said: "It is high time for the international community and Afghanistan to reprioritize drug control, and to acknowledge that every nation has a shared responsibility for this global problem."
Well, there's always next year. Join us again next November for another suspense-not-filled carbon-copy update. Same opium time. Same opium channel.
CHEERS to fake news: the fun kind. You may have seen this photo of President Barack Obama standing on a subway car next to a schlub catching some Zzzs. It’s a hilarious moment, and a reminder that #44’s deadpan smirk is contagious:
But leave it to Snopes.com to do their “fact checking” and ruin everything by revealing that’s just a clever photoshop job by one ‘o them gol’durn Instagrammers. Oh, well…we’ll always have this classic from Pete Souza:
Ah, those heady days when the president’s grins weren’t evil.
JEERS to Planet Shake ‘n Bake. Oh, great, now they tell us. Guess what, everybody? Not only is the planet getting hotter, but the world’s rotation is slowing down. And that means I hope you have sturdy shoes and a good sense of balance:
Scientists have warned there could be a big increase in numbers of devastating earthquakes around the world next year. They believe variations in the speed of Earth’s rotation could trigger intense seismic activity, particularly in heavily populated tropical regions.
Although such fluctuations in rotation are small---changing the length of the day by a millisecond---they could still be implicated in the release of vast amounts of underground energy, it is argued. […] Exactly why decreases in day length should be linked to earthquakes is unclear although scientists suspect that slight changes in the behaviour of Earth’s core could be causing both effects.
I think it’s linked to Eric Trump. Just a theory, I know, but he looks shifty to me. And he’s never denied it!
CHEERS to headin' down the home stretch. Two recent events signal the impending and blessed demise of 2017. Over the weekend we noticed that the constellation Orion was hovering low on the horizon after dark:
Orion, which is located on the celestial equator, is one of the most prominent and recognizable constellations in the sky and can be seen throughout the world. [...]
Alnilam, Mintaka and Alnitak, which form Orion’s belt, are the most prominent stars in the Orion constellation. Betelgeuse, the second brightest star in Orion, establishes the right shoulder of the hunter. Bellatrix serves as Orion's left shoulder. [...]
With one exception, all of the main stars in Orion are bright young blue giants or supergiants, ranging in distance from Bellatrix (243 light-years) to Alnilam (1,359 light-years). The Orion Nebula is farther away than any of the naked eye stars at a distance of about 1,600 light-years. One light-year is the distance light travels in a single year, about 6 trillion miles (10 trillion kilometers).
For the rest of the fall and winter it will be our nightly companion when we take the dog out to go pee. But, more important, late last week Portland set up its official 42-foot-tall Tannenbaum. ("Wie treu sind deine Blätter." "Gesundheit.") If tradition holds---and it does or else it wouldn’t be a tradition---from here on out the rest of the year will be a blur and then...[Blink!]...welcome to 2018!!! Keep some aloe on hand for the windburn.
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Ten years ago in C&J: November 20, 2007
JEERS to silly ideas. Tom Friedman---the New York Times columnist and creator of the famous 6-month"Friedman Unit"---says the Democratic nominee for president should think about putting Dick Cheney on the ticket as vice president. I have a better idea. The Republican nominee should think about putting Dick Cheney on the ticket as vice president. I've always wanted to see what a 50-state Democratic sweep looks like.
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And just one more
CHEERS to the scrapper from Scranton. Happy Birthday (and many blessings on your camels) to America's 47th Vice President, Joe Biden, whose way with words---intentional and otherwise---is a joy to behold:
“The Violence Against Women Act is my proudest legislative accomplishment. But we know there’s more to do. One in five women in America has experienced rape or attempted rape. Sex bias still plagues our criminal justice system with stereotypes like “she deserved it” or “she wore a short skirt” tainting the prosecution of rape and assault. But twenty years after this law first passed, I remain hopeful as ever that the decency of the American people will keep us moving forward in the fight against this rawest form of violence and a culture that hides it.”
"Ted Cruz? An inspiration to every kid in America who worries that he’ll never be able to run for President because nobody likes him.”
"There are certain things that when they occur you just can't remain silent. Charlottesville for me was a moment where I thought silence would be complicity."
"If your kitchen table is like mine, you sit there at night before you put the kids to bed and you talk about what you need. You talk about how much you're worried about being able to pay the bills. Ladies and gentlemen, that is not a worry John McCain has to worry about. It's a pretty hard experience. He'll have to figure out which of his seven kitchen tables to sit at."
"There's only three things [Rudy Giuliani] mentions in a sentence: a noun, a verb, and 9/11."
”Don’t tell me what you value. Show me your budget and I’ll tell you what you value.”
I will never forget how he tore Paul Ryan to pieces by literally laughing at him in the 2012 VP debate. That was about as close to political Nirvana as I've ever gotten. Good ol' Joe turns 75 today---and that's no malarkey. But it is a BFD.
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
A shock photo appears to show a man walking around the Daily Kos “kiddie pool” without a hazmat suit---adding more fuel to the conspiracy that Cheers and Jeers is faked.
---UK Mirror
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