March for Our Lives Event Map Link
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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Late Night Snark: You’re All Fired Edition
“President Trump has fired Rex Tillerson, his secretary of state, which I think means the only remaining White House staffers are Mike Pence and a Roomba.”
---Seth Meyers
“I heard Trump has been telling people that he fired Rex Tillerson all by himself. Trump brags about firing people the same way a toddler brags about using the bathroom alone for the first time.”
---Jimmy Fallon
“As we said goodbye to Rex Tillerson, we said hello to a new Democratic representative from Pennsylvania: Conor Lamb, who squeaked out a victory by less than a thousand votes. Just two years ago Trump won this district by 20 points, and two years before that Democrats didn’t even bother running an opponent against the Republican incumbent. I’m really enjoying this radical new Democratic strategy called trying.”
---Samantha Bee
“Get the fuck outta here, man. If kids are old enough to be shot, they’re old enough to have an opinion about being shot.”
---Trevor Noah, reacting to a clip of Tucker Carlson criticizing student protesters by saying, “They’re not citizens, they’re children. If they’re too young to buy guns, why should they be making my gun laws?”
“Stormy Daniels, the adult film star, is trying to raise money to pay her legal fees, so she launched a fundraising page on a website called CrowdJustice.com. So now you can give money to a porn star, just like the president of the United States. Remember, every dollar you donate potentially brings us one step closer to seeing photos that will haunt our dreams forever.”
---Jimmy Kimmel
I'm filling the kiddie pool with green beer early. C'mon down and splash. Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, March 16, 2018
Note: Rest in peace, Rep. Louise Slaughter (D-NY):
You were the epitome of good governance.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Tuesday’s primary in IL-03 between progressive Marie Newman and DINO Dan Lipinski: 4
Days 'til the Kushstock Festival in San Bernardino: 15
Current daily government-allowed water consumption per person as the drought worsens in Cape Town, South Africa: 13 gallons
Hours last year for which Germans were paid to use power because supply outstripped demand: 331
Number of other European Union countries that experienced negative power prices last year: 7
Ratio of snake-removal to fire-alarm calls that Bangkok’s fire department responded to last year: 9:1
Percent of dog owners who are Millennials, according to Parade: 38%
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Strangely human, it says…
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CHEERS to previews of coming attractions? The kids over at FiveThirtyEight are very smart. So when they crunch a set of numbers and then look up and yell “ZOMIGOD TSUNAMI ALERT,” it’s worth a look. Nate Silver crunched the special election numbers across the board---including Tuesday’s in PA-18--- and for some reason buries the eye-popping reason why Republicans should perhaps spare themselves the anguish in 8 months and just jump off their ledges now…
[Republicans] trail Democrats by “only” 8 or 9 percentage points on the generic congressional ballot, which suggests a close race for control of the House this year that only narrowly favors Democrats.
By contrast, the 16- or 17-point average Democratic overperformance in special elections so far suggests a Democratic mega-tsunami.
[T]hose special election results consist of actual people voting, whereas generic ballot polls are mostly conducted among registered voters---or sometimes all adults.
I should make one thing very clear: Republican ledge jumpers should take every precaution to land in a pile of mattresses to catch their fall. So they’ll be alive and kicking when we properly run ‘em out of town out on a rail.
CHEERS to filling a notable void. Maine was the focus of national attention this week when 57th District state representative and Trump/NRA cultist Les Gibson decided to go after the Parkland kids with such terms of endearment as “skinhead lesbian,” “bald-faced liar,” and the oldie-but-patheticy “frothing at the mouth moonbat.” (So clever!) Turns out Captain Unfiltered was running unopposed for reelection. I say ‘was’ because, at the urging of the unflappable Stoneman Douglas student David Hogg, Mr. Big Mouth now has a challenger with a capital-D after her name:
Democrat Eryn Gilchrist of Greene filed the required paperwork Thursday to run in the 57th District, eliminating the possibility that Gibson could win the seat uncontested.
She said never anticipated running for office but felt so “horrified and embarrassed” at the thought of Gibson representing her that she decided to jump into the fray.
“I would really have been happy to partake in representative democracy by voting,” Gilchrist said. Gilchrist, 28, a Connecticut native who works for a medical device company based in Bowdoin, is a 2013 graduate of Bates College.
So. Les, meet Eryn. Eryn, meet the loser. Or should I say, “frothing at the mouth wingnut loser”? Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!
CHEERS to Ol' Shortstuff. Happy 267th birthday to "Father of the Constitution" James Madison---at 5-foot-4 our president (1809-1817) with the lowest center of gravity and our next-to-last Founding Father to occupy the White House (Monroe ended the era after him). Frankly, it's amazing what he accomplished considering that he was one sick puppy:
James Madison was without a doubt the sickliest president in American history.
The man's life reads like the index to a medical textbook. Influenza, rheumatism, hemorrhoids---you name it, he had it. He suffered frequent bouts of illness from a young age and abstained from serving in the Continental Army during the Revolution on account of them. […]
The location of the founded capital---Washington---didn’t help. The area's proximity to a swamp meant summers there could be infernally humid and plagued by fetid, unhealthy air. While unpleasant for most people, it was downright crippling for Madison, whose "bilious indispositions," as he called them, usually forced him to flee D.C. during the hot months.
---From Secret Lives of the U.S. Presidents by Cormac O'Brien
And yet he lived to be one of our oldest ex-presidents, expiring in 1836 at the ripe old age of 85. Madison was also at the helm during the War of 1812, when The Star Spangled Banner was written. Pay your respects here. Preferably under the red glare of some sort of rocket-like projectile.
JEERS to the “Accountant of Auschwitz.” Disappointment for Holocaust-era justice seekers this week as news broke that the concentration camp goon whose job was to itemize valuables taken off of prisoners died at 96---before he could begin serving his sentence. Even more disappointing: judicial experts say Gröning will likely be the last Nazi war criminal on earth to face a trial and punishment. “Yeah, but not down here,” said the voice of a certain human-beast hybrid with ‘Nazis’ and ‘Suck’ tattooed on his horns.
CHEERS to a fascinating couple. Tomorrow is the wedding anniversary of Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt. They were married on March 17, 1905 in New York:
The 20-year-old bride was escorted down the aisle by her uncle, then President of the United States, Theodore Roosevelt.
The ceremony took place at the New York City home of Eleanor’s great uncle and aunt, Edward and Margaret Livingston Ludlow. The reception took place next door at the home of her cousin, Susan Parish. Though no photographs of the day are known to exist, several artifacts from the wedding are in the FDR Library’s museum collection.
So, uh…what do you get a couple on their 113th anniversary? If they're still actually walking the earth after all this time I'd have to say: "Braaaaains…
CHEERS to home vegetation. Here are some of the glowing-screen haps this weekend. Chris Hayes and Rachel Maddow will digest the Friday news dump(s) between 8 and 10 on MSNBC. Then, on HBO's Real Time, Bill Maher talks with Ted Cruz’s Democratic challenger Beto O’Rourke, along with Andrew Ross Sorkin, Billy Bush, comic Pete Dominick, Obama administration official Nayyera Haq.
New home video releases include Oscar winners Call Me By Your Name and I, Tonya. NCAA hoops continue this weekend---the women's bracket is here and the men's bracket is here. The basketball schedule is here and the hockey schedule is here. Tomorrow night at 8, 20/20 previews the upcoming reboot of Roseanne. Stefon---aka Bill Hader---returns to his old NBC stomping grounds to host SNL. On 60 Minutes: A must-see segment featuring Stoneman Douglas High School student Emma Gonzalez on life after the massacre and why arming teachers is stupid. (And in late-breaking news, the Stormy Daniels interview is now scheduled for March 25.) The new crime thriller Instinct (CBS) makes history Sunday night at 8 as the first TV drama series with an openly-gay lead character, played by openly-gay phenom Alan Cumming. American Idol is starting out pretty well this season, and there’s a new round of crooners Sunday at 9 (ABC). And John Oliver wraps up the weekend on HBO doing that investigative snark he does so well on Last Week Tonight.
Now here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: TBA
CNN's State of the Union: Three Republican senators---Jeff Flake (R-AZ), Lindsey Graham (R-SC), and Rand Paul (R-KY). Plus former Republican Senator Rick “Man-on-Dog” Santorum (R-PA) and sitting Republican Congressman Mike Gallagher (R-WI). Plus one Bernie Sanders activist (Nina Turner). And one former Obama staffer (Jen Psaki). Congratulations, CNN, you have out-Foxed Fox News. Despicable.
This Week: TBA
Face the Nation: TBA
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL); Rep. Trey Gowdy (R-SC).
Happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C&J: March 16, 2008
JEERS to same quagmire, different day. The Iraqis have had five years to figure out how to "stand up as we stand down." As a little test, we recently pulled one single U.S.soldier---Cpl. Marvin Hammerstoll---out of the country. Let's see how that worked out, shall we?
Militants have staged a deadly wave of attacks in Baghdad two weeks after the U.S. military began pulling out the first combat brigade from last year's troop buildup. The uptick in violence has raised questions about whether recent progress on security in the capital could be reversed as more U.S. troops are scheduled to depart.
Don’t get too comfy in your backyard hammock, Marv. They're warming up the C-130 now.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the wearin' 'o the green beer. St. Patrick's Day is tomorrow and C&J extends a hearty "Begosh 'n Pull Me Finger" to all our Irish readers. My descendants are Swiss ("Say, is that the Matterhorn in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Ha ha ha, I kid. It’s an Alpine horn."), so I'm totally neutral about St. Patrick's Day. But Federal law requires us to post the following:
Have you heard about the Irish boomerang? It doesn't come back, it just sings songs about how much it wants to.
There's a new Irish restaurant being built in town. They're going to serve gourmet 7-course Irish meals. Everyone who comes in gets a potato and a six-pack.
On St. Patrick's Day, Americans are expected to drink over 13 million pints of Guinness. To give you an idea how much beer that is, go outside and look at the sidewalk. ---Seth Meyers
What's Irish and sits outside in the summertime?
Paddy O'Furniture!
Sadly, federal law also prohibits us from apologizing for the above. Shillelagh! (Gesundheit.)
Oh, and happy birthday to Daily Kos executive editor Susan Gardner! And many blessings on your camels. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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