From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Please Rise for Our New National Anthem
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Thank you. Please be seated.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold...[Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, August 29, 2018
Note: I was just thinking---PGA golf tournaments don’t start their events with the national anthem. Why do professional golfers hate the national anthem? Why do they hate America? I say FIRE THE SUNZOBITCHES!!!
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 11/9 comes out: 23
Days 'til Maine's Eastport Pirate Festival: 9
Drop in enrollments of college students studying for jobs in education between 2009 and 2014, according to CBS News: 35%
Weeks Crazy Rich Asians has been #1 at the box office: 2
Amount Jet Blue now charges for you to check your first bag: $30
Number of plays Neil Simon had running simultaneously on Broadway in 1966: 4
Years since Kos killed the Daily Kos diary: 7
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 181 (including 4 Marks of the Beast and all these Jezebel witches flying around willy-nilly up Trump’s nose). Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: This is a shameful abuse of kiddie pool privileges…
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CHEERS to HOT primary action…in action! Bless yer heart, Florida and Arizona, you never fail to offer more than just sparklers on your primary nights of a thousand fireworks. Here’s a quick rundown of the biggest-profile contests:
Florida In a huge upset, Democratic Mayor of Tallahassee Andrew Gillum, a high-energy progressive who defeated blue dog Gwen Graham, will face Republican Trumpbot Ron DeSantis in the governor's race. Gillum becomes, in his words, "the first candidate of color ever to lead a major party in the state of Florida." Turnout was at record highs, though that may be mostly due to population growth. And in a totally unexpected race, a python has become the first candidate to win a primary election by swallowing his opponent, who conceded around 1am right before he was digested.
Arizona The Democratic challenger against Republican incumbent Doug Ducey in the governor's race is college professor David Garcia. Jeff Flake's soon-to-be-vacated Senate seat will be filled by either Democrat Rep. Kyrsten Sinema or Republican Martha McSally---a real pickup opportunity for Dems, although it would've been more fun if we’d gotten the chance to vanquish last night's biggest primary losers, conspiracy wacko ("John McCain died just to hurt my campaign") Kelli Ward or criminal Joe "I Never Knew A Hero Until I Met Donald Trump" Arpaio, and yes, he really said that.
Oklahoma In the Republican runoff for governor, banker Kevin Stitt beat Oklahoma City Mayor Mick Cornett. Stitt, polls worse than Cornett against the Democrat in the race, Drew Edmondson. What a great opportunity for framing: the law ‘n order man against the bankster.
You can check out all the results from the Daily Kos Election Team's liveblogs here. The primary season concludes next month with Massachusetts next Tuesday, Delaware next Thursday, New Hampshire on the 11th, Rhode Island on the 12th, and New York firing off the grand finale on the 13th. And then strap yourself in, because after that it's just 54 days of bumpy.
CHEERS to previews of coming attractions. Start stocking up on popcorn, C&J peeps, because when we take control of the House in January (and finish fumigating Paul Ryan's office), cracking open serious, sober investigations into Republican corruption and abuses of power will be like shooting fish in a barrel. My stogie literally fell out of my mouth and into my shorts when I read Axios's list, which were leaked by Republican operatives. These are just a few examples---1/20th of the total, in fact---and apparently Dems are already laying the groundwork to investigate:
> President Trump’s tax returns
> Trump family businesses---and whether they comply with the Constitution's emoluments clause, including the Chinese trademark grant to the Trump Organization
> Trump's dealings with Russia, including the president's preparation for his meeting with Vladimir Putin
> Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin's business dealings
> White House staff's personal email use
Here's my question of the day from the Schadenfreude File: how soon do you think it'll be before Trump starts trying to wine and dine Rep. Maxine Waters when he realizes she's going to be the next Chairwoman of the House Financial Services Committee in just over 4 months? ("Hey Maxie: golf this weekend? Love ya, babe.") My guess: just a few seconds sooner than it takes Maxine waters to tell him to go pound sand.
JEERS to water, water everywhere. Holy mackerel, Hawaii, what did you DO to piss off the gays, feminists and pagans like that? (I'm not in their catastrophe creators' club anymore---not because I turned straight but because banks kept complaining that I was clogging their ATMs with my membership card---hey, I was always taught that persistence pays.) Hurricane Lane just dropped a big wet anvil on---to use the ancient Hawaiian word---"y'all." And into the record books you go…
Hurricane Lane drenched parts of Hawaii with 3-4 feet of rainfall, with one weather station tallying the third-highest "total rainfall from a tropical cyclone in the United States since 1950," the National Weather Service says. The slow-moving storm caused floods and landslides as it moved west of the islands, back out over the Pacific Ocean. […]
On the Big Island, the town of Mountain View recorded 51.53 inches of rain from Wednesday to Sunday.That's the third-highest total ever measured from a U.S. storm, with the highest total being the 60.58 inches that fell on Nederland, Texas, over several days during Hurricane Harvey in 2017. The weather service says the second-highest total is the 52 inches recorded during Hurricane Hiki's hit on Hawaii in 1950. […]
Hilo International Airport got 36.76 inches of rain, making it"the wettest four-day period ever observed at Hilo, with records dating back to 1949," the NWS says.
Bad news: there was damage. Good news: no reported deaths and few injuries. Bad news: gonna be the single-costliest hurricane in recorded history of Hawaii. Good news: Obama's secret long-form Kenyan birth certificate---all 20 feet of it---remains safely intact in its waterproof floor safe under the Honolulu Quik-E-Mart. Oops, I've said too much. I meant…um…Aloha, everybody, Aloha!!
JEERS to Republican leadership inaction. Speaking of hurricanes, thirteen years ago today, as George Bush displayed a lovely birthday cake he'd baked for the late John McCain (who would've turned 82 today), a swirling category-3 fetus was terrorizing abortion clinics in New Orleans. FEMA head Michael Brown, drawing on his vast experience in disaster management as former head of the Arabian Horse Association's legal department, responded swiftly and maturely:
The day of the storm, Brown exchanged e-mails about his attire with [FEMA's deputy director of public affairs Cindy] Taylor, [Rep. Charlie] Melancon said. She told him, "You look fabulous," and Brown replied, "I got it at Nordstroms. ... Are you proud of me?"
An hour later, Brown added: "If you'll look at my lovely FEMA attire, you'll really vomit. I am a fashion god."
Say it with me, for old time's sake: "Heckuva job, Brownie."
P.S. An update on Hurricane Maria that should surprise no one who’e been paying attention: the death toll wasn’t the government’s laughably-low 64. A new report accepted by the Puerto Rico government pegs the number closer to three thousand American citizens who died. But don’t call it Trump’s Katrina. No. It’s 100 percent Trump’s Maria.
CHEERS to today's edition of Jimmy Carter Is Ninety Freaking Three And Still Killing It In A Hardhat. Via CBS News:
This has been today's edition of Jimmy Carter Is Ninety Freaking Three And Still Killing It In A Hardhat.
JEERS to flappin' yer gums. Sixty-one years ago today, South Carolina "Dixiecrat" Senator Strom Thurmond ended his over-24-hour filibuster---yeah, a real, honest-to-god talkfest---against the Civil Rights Act of 1957. Some interesting tidbits from Business Insider on how it went down:
>> Thurmond took a steam bath earlier in the day to rid his body of excess liquid. This avoided the potential for any "accidents" in the chamber.
>> He went to the floor armed with cough drops and malted milk tablets.
>> He allowed others to make short remarks and ask questions during his time, allowing him to sneak off to the cloakroom to gobble a sandwich.
>> He had his aide wait in the cloakroom with a pail when he was about to step down from the dais in case of an emergency evacuation.
>> Thurmond read, verbatim, the voting laws of each one of the 48 states. He read the U.S. criminal code. He read a Supreme Court decision, followed by more laws. A friend brought him a glass of orange juice.
The good news: the bill passed anyway and Eisenhower signed it. The bad news: Thurmond got his voice back.
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Ten years ago in C&J: August 29, 2008
CHEERS to stark contrast. During the 2004 Democratic convention, it seemed like our party's slogan was, "Let's Keep Our Powder Dry." This year it seemed to be, "You May Fire When Ready, Gridley!" Michelle was perfect. Ted was perfect. Hillary was perfect. Bill was perfect. Joe was perfect. Obama was perfect. The unity bounce was sweet. The whole thing was a platter of GOP-smashing red meat with a basket of progressive-idea fries and a side of Americana pie. It was Rope-A-Dope. It was a colossal fake-out. And the best the wounded, shell-shocked Republicans could do was criticize the columns. (Then again, when your party is made up of white, calcified stonefaces that advocate ancient ideas, I guess I can't blame 'em for taking umbrage.) Good pageant, kids. You should take it on the road.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the way all battles should be fought. As I write this item, (on birch bark with the burnt end of a stick I found outside my lean-to), tomatoes are flying through the air in Bunol Spain. It's their annual "throwing of the 130 tons of tomatoes." Check out what you're missing…
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No one's sure exactly how the tradition came about, but one theory is that the townspeople got pissed at local politicians during a festival so they started pelting them with tomatoes, and it felt so good they made it an annual event. Which brings me to the obvious question: anyone know where the next Nazi rally is?
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
Somehow being raised on Bill in Portland Maine is better than being raised on Ben Shapiro and Erick Erickson. Not a lot better...but...
---Atrios
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