From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
In Case You Missed It
There were some microphone issues last week during the State of the Union. For the sake of a more reliable transcript, here’s the actual audio. The House recorder regrets the inconvenience:
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Oh, and this little nugget posted two years ago today is worth a moment of reflection:
Sentencing of the Trump crime family traitor on the left: March 13th. Sentencing of the Trump crime family traitor on the right: TBA. Won’t it be a kick chanting “Lock them up” as they’re actually getting locked up. Hillary, meanwhile, continues to roam the forests and glens, unfettered and fancy free, as one of the most admired women on the face of the earth 4evuh.
Your west-coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold...[Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, February 15, 2019
Tardy Excuse Note: Here's a fun little party trick you can do at home. Take a frying pan and smash it against your face over and over. Then lie on the floor and have someone drop a bowling ball on your stomach. Now you know what chemotherapy session #10 feels like. Apparently---this is so hilarious---a "low red blood cell count," when mixed with "large bags" of "Big Pharma chemicals" produced in a "sealed-off room" because one "stray drop" spilling anywhere outside of the premises would cause a "city-wide panic" and "mass evacuation," produces this thing called "a lot of face-plant time." We apologize for missing yesterday's column. As always, we'll make it up on the back end, and next week we promise five pretty C&Js all in a row. ---Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til spring: 33
Days 'til SXSW in Austin: 22
Average amount raised for the inaugurations of George W. Bush and Barack Obama: $41 million, $48 million
Money raised for the inauguration of Trump, who is now in deep legal trouble for the way those funds were both raised and used: $107 million
Percent of Americans who believe global warming is happening, up from 57% in 2010, according to the Yale Program on Climate Change: 73%
Percent of Virginia's black residents who think Gov. Northam should step down, according to a new Washington Post poll: 37%
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Puppy Pic of the Day: First dog ever to share the stage with a presidential candidate during their first campaign rally? Elizabeth Warren brought Bailey Saturday and a good time was had by all...
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CHEERS to heterosexually manning the manly cisgender barricades. At exactly Oh-Ten-Twenty-Fifteen-Ninety-and-a-Half this A.M. in the morning, President Donald J. Trump announced that the United States of America was no longer some "sweet land of something-or-other" that could be pushed around by starving women and children at our southern border. No ma'am! Not this time! Straightening his imaginary six-star-general insignia on his 100% manly shoulders, the Commander-in-Chief declared a NATIONAL EMERGENCY, thus setting in motion a series of future events that will affect every American in the future. More details will be published when the Department of Homeland Security gets back from its three-martini lunch, but for now, here's the plan:
» Remember: Top spelled backwards is POT. To avoid flying caravan debris, put an iron POT on TOP of your head stenciled with the letters MAGA. Small children may be fitted with teacups.
» Start amassing huge quantities of tin, rubber, eggs, sheet metal, meat (especially hamberder), typewriter ribbons and leather, so that a great army of the republic can be built and equipped to stop the invaders. Anyone caught riding in a vehicle on anything other than their rims will be prosecuted. Remember: sparks = patriotism!
» The planting of Victory Gardens must start forthwith. We recommend you begin with the basics, which will be in the shortest supply as our conflict escalates: Cannatonic, Skunk#1, Granddaddy Purple, Sunset Sherbet, and Golden Goat.
» Our intelligence agents inform us that the starving women and children directing the caravan have deployed several submarines off our coasts and even Great Lakes regions. Use those blackout curtains starting at dusk every night unless you want a torpedo in your living room.
» Since we're stockpiling eggs, it's probably a good idea to turn in all your egg whisks, too, since we're still deciding whether to go with fried or scrambled.
» Vigilance is essential! Everyone you come in contact with—even family members and co-workers—should be met with an icy, squinty stare and the words, "I don’t recalls you bein' from 'round these parts...so is ya or ain't ya?" If they ain't, mash up a grapefruit in their face and then tie 'em to your furnace.
» Buy Trump War Bonds by logging on to BarronsTrustFund.com.
Remember, this may be the worst catastrophe in our countrty's history, but it is being dealt with by the nation's greatest president, chosen by God, with the assistance of the finest cabinet ever assembled. If you need them for anything this weekend they'll be golfing in between rounds of Texas Hold 'Em and ice cream binges at Mar-A-Lago. Assuming, of course, they get done with their hookers on schedule.
CHEERS to Long goodbyes. Another day, another Republican-appointed FEMA director leaving under another cloud of mistrust and skullduggery. This time it's Brock Long (one of the yuppiest yuppie names in Yuppiedom) getting the boot. Not for letting Puerto Rico drown and burn and starve. Oh, no. He got run out for good old fashioned, garden-variety corruption:
[H]is reputation took a hit last fall when the Department of Homeland Security determined he had inappropriately used government vehicles to commute between Washington and his home in North Carolina. …
Long is one of several Trump administration officials to face scrutiny over his use of government resources.
His job was complicated by President Donald Trump, who feuded with Puerto Rican leaders after Hurricane Maria and threatened to cut off disaster aid to California. …
Most recently, Trump has weighed seizing disaster recovery funds earmarked for Puerto Rico to help pay for his signature wall along the U.S.-Mexico border.
Our pre-condolences to the legacy of his replacement.
CHEERS to women on the move. 99 years ago this week, the group that Republicans today call "that damned nuisance"---The League of Women Voters---was founded in Chicago under the direction of president Maud Wood Park. It still amazes me how hard women had to fight for basic equality in the land of "Liberty and justice for all." I guess we're just slow learners when it comes to complicated, high-falutin’ words like “all.” And while we’re on the subject, happy birthday to Susan B. Anthony:
"Men, their rights, and nothing more; women, their rights, and nothing less."
”There never will be complete equality until women themselves help to make laws and elect lawmakers.”
"I distrust those who know so well what God wants them to do, because I notice it always coincides with their own desires."
“Oh, if I could but live another century and see the fruition of all the work for women! There is so much yet to be done.”
I have a great idea for her 200th birthday next year: a woman president.
CHEERS to ideas that will change the world. Just a quick reminder that there's a big Netroots Nation convention deadline coming up on the 25th. If you have an idea for a panel or workshop that you want to propose and coordinate for this year's convention (July 11-13---Philadelphia), just click here for the guidelines and submission form. A few suggested pointers from Mary Rickles for possible panel topics:
» Conversations about how we define and popularize an inclusive, progressive 2020 platform centered on equality, sustainability, prosperity and justice
» Case studies showcasing lessons learned from the 2018 primaries
» Sessions highlighting efforts to strengthen our democracy, from expanding voting rights to ensuring that our elected leadership is responsive to their constituents and communities
» Trainings that help newer activists grow into successful organizers and candidates
» Advanced trainings that focus on cutting-edge tools and techniques
Submissions are judged by topic-specific panels and then by the public. The link for all the panel submission info is here. If you have a panel in mind but you want some live assistance, there's a webinar next Wednesday the 20th, for which you can register at this link. Deadline is 11 days from today. And while we're on the subject, a reminder that if you want to join me and others to break in and spend a night sleeping under the Founding Fathers' desks in Independence Hall, the only spot left is Pinckney's. So please RSVP ASAP. Also, can we borrow your crowbar?
JEERS to incivility. On this date in 1798, the House of Representatives was the site of the first congressional brawl, when much knocking of noggins occurred after a hurling of insults followed by Rep. Matthew Lyon (Democratic-Republican-VT) spitting in the face of Roger Griswold (Federalist-CT). Among the weapons that were wielded: fireplace tongs. Based on his expression, the guy recording the minutes just got tonged in the crotch...
And if you look in the lower left corner, you’ll see a dog is present in the chamber. That would be Thaddeus T. Woofington from the great state of New York. He only lasted one term. Once he got tax cuts for the Wilson company passed, he spent the rest of his life in a cushy job at a pro-tennis-ball think tank.
CHEERS to home vegetation. The big TV news of the weekend is John Oliver's triumphant return for another season (his sixth…already???) of Last Week Tonight on HBO Sunday night at 11. God only knows where he’ll plant his shovel first. But things get started tonight with Chris Hayes, Rachel Maddow and then HBO's Real Time, where Bill Maher talks with John Legend, Maya Wiley, David Frum, Paul Begala, and that nasty creature Rahm Emanuel.
New home video releases include the flawed-but-rousing Queen biopic Bohemian Rhapsody, which catapulted Rami Malek into actor-to-beat status on the awards circuit. Don Cheadle hosts SNL. The NHL schedule is here. The NBA All-Star game is Sunday night on TNT and TBS, and as usual all my money’s riding on the ghost of Wilt Chamberlain. On 60 Minutes: the fate of the girls kidnapped by Boko Haram, and former FBI deputy director Andrew McCabe hawks his new book in which he describes the discussions about invoking the 25th Amendment to remove the certifiably-unstable 45th president from his perch. And Sunday night, a retrospect of Elvis Presley’s ‘68 Comeback (NBC) competes with Star Wars: The Force Awakens on ABC. As usual, my money’s on the King. Those hips could bring down any number of Imperial Walkers.
Now here's your Sunday morning lineup:
This Week: TBA
Meet the Press: DNC chair (currently on Daily Kos’s shit list for playing footsies with Fox News over Democratic debates) Tom Perez; Sen. Ron Johnson (R-Trump’s Butt); New York Mayor Bill de Blasio.
Face the Nation: TBA
CNN's State of the Union: House Intelligence Committee Chairman Adam Schiff (D-CA); Sen. Sherrod Brown (D-OH).
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Rush Limbaugh comes out from his Florida hideout to show off how great his cosmetologist did on his latest embalming.
Happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C&J: February 14, 2009
CHEERS to dog whistle politics. Last night in Springfield, Illinois, President Obama gave a short speech to commemorate Lincoln's 200th birthday, and he inserted a little shoutout to another famous bearded dude:
"On this date it is also the bicentennial of Charles Darwin's birth. It's worth a moment to pause and renew that commitment to science and innovation and discovery that Lincoln understood so well."
Most people simply heard a brief and eloquent tribute to a prominent naturalist. But progressives heard, "Intelligent Design is dead and buried for the foreseeable future." There will be no visiting hours and no service. In lieu of flowers, feel free to spit on the grave.
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And just one more...
CHEERS to U.S. Minty freshness. The new America the Beautiful state quarter is here! The new America the Beautiful state quarter is here!!! The latest in the series, which celebrates our national monuments and parks, was released late last week. In hindsight it was like a numismatic trumpet blast heralding the imminent candidacy of Senator Elizabeth Warren. It not only represents the great commonwealth of Massachusetts, it also celebrates the labor organizers in the mill town of Lowell, which is a neighbor of mill town Lawrence where Warren greeted a large crowd Saturday and touched on the same themes as the new quarter:
The design depicts a mill girl working at a power loom with its prominent circular bobbin battery. A view of Lowell, including the Boott Mill clock tower, is seen through the window.
The mill girls earned cash wages and lived in supervised, company-owned boardinghouses. They became an important voice for labor by advocating for better working conditions, supporting abolition and embracing education.
From the famous Yankee mill girls, to early labor organizers, to advocates for social causes, to immigrant workers coming to Lowell to pursue opportunity, working women have played important and transformative roles throughout the city's history.
To keep with this theme of working women, the ceremony featured women leaders of Lowell National Historical Park's major partner institutions, including City Manager Eileen Donoghue. "This is an exciting day for the city of Lowell---to pay tribute to the history, the backbone of the Industrial Revolution, our Lowell mill girls," she said.
Watch the process of creating the quarter here. Free campaign advice: Senator Warren should pass out Lowell National Historical Park quarters to kids she meets during her campaign, to remind them and their parents what she's fighting for. If that's in any way illegal, don’t listen to me---I'm an idiot currently on drugs and I know nothing. Nothing!
Have a nice weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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